Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
The black fabric rolled over the air, like waves crashing on the shore. As she twirled around with her hands up, her dress repeated the wave-crashing-pattern four more times. A smile washed over my face, but I quickly shoed it away. I knew it was wrong. I knew I could not feel this way about her, but I did.
It was a beautiful evening in May and summer was upon us. My Aunt Hallie was getting married to her high school sweetheart, Christopher. The first marriage with my Uncle Ben did not work out. We were all so happy for Aunt Hallie. Her daughter, Audrey, was not just happy for her, she was ecstatic. Christopher coming into her mom’s life had changed her. Ever since they had started dating, something changed with Audrey. There was a new gleam in her eyes. Her words were softer and they seemed to bounce off of her tongue followed by a light laugh. I did not think it was possible for her to get more beautiful, but she really did.
Audrey is my first cousin, and my best friend. We are three months apart. She has been with me every step of the way. I wish I could tell you that she is like a sister to me, but she is so much more. Audrey is the love of my life, she is the girl I want to marry. I know it is wrong. I know it is so wrong. Whenever I think that thought I want to slam my head into a pile of a bricks. I hate myself for thinking of her like that. I hate myself for feeling this way about her. But how could I not? She is simply amazing.
No, Audrey has no clue. I would never tell her. It would ruin our relationship forever and I cannot bear the thought of losing her. I wish, with all of my heart, that I would stop feeling this way about her. This horrible secret eats me alive and gnaws at my peace of mind. All of my life, I thought I would never harbor a worse secret. I was proved wrong the night of the wedding.
I was watching her dance, as the beat of the music flowed through her veins. I could not remember the last time I had seen her this happy and care-free. Within a few minutes, I joined her on the dancefloor. Boy, did we have fun. After about forty-five minutes of nonstop movement, we decided to take a break. We both headed over to the open bar to hydrate ourselves. After some impressive convincing, Audrey managed to convince the bartender to slip us some champagne. It was not just me, no one could say no to her. By the time a new song came on, Audrey had had three glasses of champagne, and so had I. But she was not about to stop there. She got a bad case of the giggles, and downed three more. Low and behold, Audrey was drunk. Due to my slight buzz from the three glasses I had consumed, I was laughing too. We were having so much fun. The champagne had steered us in an adventurous direction. We snuck out of the reception room and into the elevator of the hotel. As we ran around the hotel floors and back through the maintenance offices, I began to realize how drunk Audrey was. And I was starting to feel the champagne more and more by the minute. What happened next is the secret that I would never dare to tell.
All of the sudden, Audrey and I ended up in a dark corridor. We started cracking up in realization that we had no idea where we were. Before I could understand what was happening, my body took control of itself. I pushed Audrey up against the wall. The fabric of her beautiful, black bridesmaid dress nestled between my fingers. I swallowed hard as I prepared myself for a kiss I had only dreamed about. As our lips found each other, a wave of guilt swept over me. It soaked my entire body.
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125,010 Literary Works • 672,839 Reviews
I love this story! It has kind of guilty pang to it! I hope that this is becomes series! I want to know what happens!!!!
Ok, so this story has a great amount of detail in my mind! I love detail, and this is amazing in detail! I like how you describe what happens, before and during the wedding. The family is obviously, (I hope) a happy family, and they seem great! From what I can tell...
I love the ending! It was so sudden though. We don't know what happens!! The blasted story just stops! *wails* I like the idea, and I hope that the ending ended like this, because I need to know what happens!!!
This story has amazing grammar in my view! The story has a great plot, and it has a great amount of detail!
I don't know any other word to describe it, so it is just, hmm, well!
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!
hey
you did a great job and i like how we never know the gender of the narrorator
keep it up kk
Heya, Kimblekr and welcome to the Young Writers Society! I hope you're enjoying yourself here.
Woah. You did a great job writing this! You described a whole evening of events in exactly six paragrahs and did it with enough detail that I could imagine everything that was happening. You let me get into the character's heart and feel their emotions, their guilt and confusion. Your biggest paragraph was the one where everything important happens, so kudos for that, you sure know how to write short stories! The ending was unexpected and a good conclusion to the story. Nice job!
This was really, really, I mean really good! Sure, it was short, sweet, and simple, but it was very well written!
You wrote in full detail, and I could practically see every single thing the main character described. I could even feel the exact same emotions that the main character felt, because you actually explained it.
My most favorite part of this story is how it's a common topic, but it didn't feel as cliché as some might think. You have no idea how many stories I had stumbled upon, where the main character knows that it's wrong to be in love with their cousin, yet they don't feel bad for feeling that way. Whereas, your character acknowledged that it was wrong, but actually felt bad about it. They didn't try to pull anything on their cousin, purposefully, which is what I also liked about it. It just adds that sense of realism that some people just seem to skip over.
Now, this is where I'd point out your mistakes and such... but I honestly couldn't find any. That just made it a whole lot easier to review. Good job on this one, I really did enjoy it! I'm not usually someone who reads this kind of stuff, and I don't think I'm ever going to without comparing it to this one XD
Wow. That was pretty good. The writing flow was smooth with few distractions. You could really feel the tension rising soon as they begin sipping that champagne. From the foreshadowing before that an even worse secret was about to be harbored, I could tell that something was about to happen - though not necessarily something terrible, since the protagonist does seem like a nice guy.
I had thought that this was going to end on the trite note of premarital sex or something like that, but you know what? This ended rather romantically, and I like it. A tale of forbidden love like this ending with a kiss between intoxicated individuals... That's pretty poetic, if I've seen any story.
I do kinda wish "Aunt Hallie" was used more effectively though, as she felt like a plot-device used to introduce Audrey, acting as the cause of her elation. That being said, even though I feel that Audrey's introduction could have been handled better, I can't deny that it was a fascinating beginning to read nonetheless that kept me hooked to the story.
There are a few minor errors, like "dance floor" is two words and "care-free" is actually one word without the hyphen, but they are merely nitpicks, to be honest. The ending was a little bit abrupt, and I felt that it needs something more impactful, like a punchline, but it's still quite an effective cliffhanger that leaves me wanting to know more. Nice work.
Keep it up!