go ahead and critique the heck out of this, i was writing feelings.
Where is the fine line,
Between love and hate?
A friendship once so special.
How could you toss me out so easily?
I doubt you ever shed a tear.
I gave you many.
I thought I was there for you.
All you could think of was what I didn’t do,
Why can't you see that I truly loved you.
For who you are, not perfect in anyway.
I accepted you and never asked you to change.
When was the line crossed between love and hate?
I guess I should have seen it coming, you pushed hard to be alone.
Why should I have thought, it would never be my turn?
It was the love of our friendship that blinded me.
How can I replace love with darkness?
In you it is there, I see it.
I cant find it in me. And I don’t want to search.
That fine line between love and hate is not so fine.
It is a gap so wide that once on the other side
There is no going back.
I will keep my tears, I will accept.
But hate? No that is a line i choose never to cross.
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Canary word: Present
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Yeah i quite liked this poem as well. I actually came cuz someone mentioned this one in ur other poem, i quite like the way u made the lines interact together, like
"I doubt you ever shed a tear.
I gave you many."
"That fine line between love and hate is not so fine.
It is a gap so wide that once on the other side"
It kind of like says something and then says something opposite, which shows a voice in it, esp the last line was really wise. It does seem like friendship through and i could relate to the feeling actually.
ermmm.......i guess it wasn't a badd poem but i'm afraid i dont connect very well with it.
i just thought i'd tell you this though-
"I excepted you and never asked you to change."
i think you meant to say 'accepted' and not 'excepted'.
that's all and thanks for the read..................
I am not good with poems, but this is good, i really liked it. Sad though that you would have a friend that would cause you to come to this. But i guess we all have. very emotional.
i loved the last line where you chose not to cross that line. it is easy to cross and harder not to. you are a very strong person in my book. great job
hummingbird
Hey there Kim,
Gotta say I really liked this. It ahd a message people can get and it doesn't get old. Also, the way it was put together helped it move along, in my opinion of course. I especially liked:
"I excepted you and never asked you to change.
When was the line crossed between love and hate?
I guess I should have seen it coming, you pushed hard to be alone.
Why should I have thought, it would never be my turn?"
I don't exactly know why but I loved it. I think it was the rhyming and the words. Nice job.
*~*Foreseer*~*
this was a good read. only i dont see it as a type of love affair, as i see it, it has to do with losing someone like a friend. very strong emotions. very sad, it is nice to see that there is still people in this world that will not cross that line.
carl
I liked this poem
"I doubt you ever shed a tear.
I gave you many. "
"Why can't you see that I truly loved you.
For who you are, not perfect in anyway."
"I cant find it in me. And I don’t want to search. "
"It is a gap so wide that once on the other side
There is no going back. "
I like the way these lines interacted with the poem.
-bobiscool134
Nice...
I don't do much poetry so I can't crit it...
But good job!
Kim! Wow! That was amazing. There was only one line that bugged me:
I excepted you and never asked you to change.
I didn't really understand this. Other than that - oh yeah. You spelt can't like cant on one of the lines.
Other than that, this is really great. I love reading your stuff!
BBB
I really like this whole poem
"But hate? No that is a line i choose never to cross."
I really like this line, I'm guessing you're a good person at heart. =]
Good Job!
This was really really good.
The ending was brilliant and the message you're trying to show is great and so deep.
Really good.
Kim this is fantastique
- but I just thought that it interupted the whole flow of it.
I like the point that you're getting across to the reader. I'm guessing something along the lines of two friends to begin with, but they get closer and it messes everything up; including their friendship. That's the risk you have to take when you want to be more than friends, I suppose.
I think the only little niggly thing I can think of is the third stanza. I wasn't so sure about those three lines rhyming. I don't know why. Maybe it's personal preference - if so completely ignore it
Other than that, this was terrific - first poem, I take it?
I love it kim.
I wish I could write like you.