Published February 24, 2009
This is technically a "fan poem", but I don't think it would go under Fan Fiction? Maybe Dramatic Poetry?
This is my first completed poem that I'm not completely embarrassed of and it isn't meant to be blatantly a fan poem (brownie points if you can guess which movie 
).
The rhyme scheme and formatting is pretty simple, so tell me if it sounds forced or awkward. I hope you guys like it 
.
*** By the way: how do I upload my works to my portfolio? ***
“Funeral Pyre”
What is it that holds you here?
Is it the blood on your hands?
Or the name
Your heart still holds so dear?
I can’t open my eyes.
What is it that makes you fall to your knees?
Is it an act of God?
Or her scent
Carried on the evening breeze?
I can’t open my eyes.
What is it that twists the sinews of your heart?
Is it your rage?
Or the quiet resignation
To tearing yourself apart?
I can’t open my eyes.
What is it that haunts you still?
Is it your urge to love?
Or the fact
That she was never yours to kill?
I can’t open my eyes.
Will you ever find home?
If it is truly where your heart is,
You will always be alone.
I can’t open my eyes.
I can’t watch you burn.
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140,912 Literary Works • 673,731 Reviews
Ok, thank you darko.demark666!
.
I don't get what you mean by not being able to have 2 verses as 2 stanzas? I guess I don't follow traditional guidelines when it comes to poetry... maybe I could make this into a calligram
You upload your works in your portfolio by creating maps, like eg. Lyric poetry or lyrics or fiction... You simply select the picture for the map and just reload the page. Then you should go to your work(also in portfolio) and put it into a desired map... You welcome...
Now, the critique:
-Somehow you managed to impress me with this repetition through the whole poem, but in the end it just crashes. You have two verses as two stanzas....not possible.
-The length of your verses oscillates too much. You don't have any consistency in the poem cause of that.
-Rhyme: first and the last verse of each stanza is in some strange rhyme, but all right, that's
not a big problem. They aren't connected with anything. You haven't put a rhyme in the middle of the stanzas so the rhyme just doesn't helps you a lot with a rhythm.
Aww thank you! Yeah the last stanza is meant to sort of end the quatrain stanzas and give a final little... little what... hmm... a little last "pow"? Maybe not pow. More like the last nail in the coffin, or the fire to the pyre ;D.
And yeah this was automatically uploaded to my stuff... so I guess that's how this works? o_O
Hmm... uh... wait, don't tell me... OK, I give up, I've got nothing. No clue what the movie is, I think.
Anyway, I thought this was good. You stuck to the rhyme scheme, and the formatting until the last few stanzas, but I didn't really see that as something to give some big lecture about, I thought it worked. I didn't think it was stressed, weird, or anything of that sort, ti was really very good!
As for the portfolio question, haven't the slightest. I haven't been a member all that long, and I always thought that they were just uploaded automatically.