Published November 17, 2009
When no one is around
You are not alone
for there is a bright star
that is shown.
In the blue
the star shines
even in the
middle of the night.
Through stormy nights
and clear days
It's always there
to show us the way.
We open our eyes
and see we are not alone
for friends are all around us
for that we grow.
If we go back
to that lonely place
the bright star
will show us the way.
Through pitch black
the star shines
to show us that
we can always go back.
When no one is around
You are not alone
for there is a bright star
that is shown.
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141,422 Literary Works • 674,398 Reviews
thanks june
Hey Kika, June here,
Of the many things I often repeat whilst reviewing poetry, I find myself most often telling people to put their poems to the test by removing all line breaks and spaces and seeing if it reads as a poem or story paragraph.
If it reads as a paragraph you have a bit more work to do. Here, I think it does. I think it's mainly your word choice that's restricting you-- use more prettier words for a poetic effect. Try using words in different contexts, explore thier innermost meanings, and try building from that.
Also! Ignore rhyme as your write, because that's a giant crutch. It restricts you so much, because you don't have the freedom you have in story writing. You have to make sure each word fits with context and whatnot. Try breaking from this and let creativity drive you forward.
Best of luck,
June