Published November 11, 2009
*This is my first poem. I write stories more often.*
The monster within
Starts to grow
As the walls
Close on me.
The evil eyes
Stare into darkness
I look to see
Who's there?
I stare into
The monster's eyes
And who do I see?
I see...me!
Me? Why do
I see me?
The monster speaks
Telling me why.
"I make you
see and tell
the truth, and
look through the lies."
The monster's words
Stick to my
head like glue
and remains there.
The monster, the monster
is me
I'm a killer
This can't be.
I give up
On the monster
And I tell
the truth.
The monster is
Gone and I'm
Not a killer.
I'm just Me!
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141,360 Literary Works • 674,381 Reviews
The idea was great for your first poem
but...
I didn't flow and that was because the lines were so short.
Trying to read this poem aloud was a challenge because of all the pauses.
And if you wanted pauses like this for example
If you wanted the pauses it should have been
It would have been a bit better and made more sense.
Just read through it aloud and I think you'll see what I mean but the idea was great and I get what you were trying to say.
I don't have much to say about this poem.
so bad of me!
It may just be me, but I absolutely hate short lines like these. I think you should make the lines longer. It would make the poem flow, and all around make it nicer.
I think the idea is good, and what you are saying makes sense, I just didn't really want to read it at soon as I looked at it.
~Classy