Snakes Of Cursed Gold chapter 1 Airlia

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I was crouching low in the forest behind a massive, rugged rock. The night’s gentle breeze felt pleasant playing with my hair after a long day of looting in the hot sun of late June. The long healthy grass tickled my knees making me itch. The aromas of various wild flowers, trees, animals, and other nameless fragrances filled my nose.

I loved being in the forest so much that I never noticed the mosquitoes until after the bites took effect. I itched fiercely as they flew around me like a huge shadow that loves to drink my blood. They were the least of my worries though. All I had to do to get rid of them was smack them and they would be dead. Why couldn’t all my problems be like that?

It was almost midnight, but nowhere near as dark as I expected it to be. Being past eleven at night usually means that I need a flashlight, to squint, or carrots at least. It was dark everywhere else around here, but everywhere else in the forest didn’t have electricity or magic.

Instead, what I really needed in this part of the dense woods were my sunglasses from home. It was literally glowing here; the only logical reason for this was because of the gods of course.

Tree nymphs, naiads, satyrs, and other Greek mythological creatures were mingling and spreading the latest gossip. Mostly about which god’s child killed Medusa, who was seeing whom, and other news.

They voices clashed against the music that was being played by a band of satyrs. Were they playing Pat Benatar’s music, they were. Not exactly what I would expect ancient Greek myths to listen to. Not exactly the kind of song I would try to mimic on the lyre, pandouris, and other ancient instruments either.

My mom and dad would have died to see this. Dad would have even been content with just seeing the instru-ments for the trading of his life. But, that wasn’t a choice they could make now though.

“Aphrodite, you single brain celled organism, how dare you!” exclaimed a goddess like looking woman. She had black curls, pale reflection, a full suit of armor on, and a white owl on her shoulder. She was obviously Athena, who else, and she did NOT look the least bit pleased. What in the world did I miss?

Well whatever it was it must have been enormous because it quickly went from bickering to Athena’s sword clashing and clanging against a sword of another black-haired woman. Blue, yellow, and red sparks flew every time the weapons collided. I couldn’t help but to marvel at how they could dispute verbally so efficiently and yet still not miss a beat in their quarrel with the blades.

Even in such awe I could not get myself to forget my appalling task though. I wished I could bring myself to forget, but I of all people knew that if my memory by some godsend miracle failed me the bracelet would still remember. So that wish was pointless. Yeah, thanks a lot Medusa.

No matter how much I fought the bracelet I never prevailed. If I were to foretell my pathetic future I would have said that I was going to spend the rest of my melan-choly life struggling for my body. For control for a body that was rightfully mine.

I could’ve sworn I could hear Medusa and the magic bracelet/gold snakes laughing at me even though that was absurd, ridiculous. Medusa was probably rolling on the floor laughing but I wouldn’t be able to hear it from the distance that stood between us. And the bracelet couldn’t exactly laugh per say…only make raspy metallic hissing noises, and now was indeed not the time it would choose to do that.

I saw an oak tree nymph with buttocks length brown tented green hair, tanned skin, and long legs. She was wearing skimpy attire and laughing hysterically while a smitten tall satyr with brindle fur frolicked after her. As they drew nearer I urgently tried to scream bloody murder to warn them away, far away from me.

Inconveniently my lips and tongue were paralyzed. My vocal cords were dumb, muted. Not a single vibration would come from them now. What was wrong with my nervous system? Or was it my muscles being faulty right now? I knew, without a doubt, my brain was sending the messages to scream. Or was it? Maybe the messages were being blocked like in some type of road block. What it was didn’t matter though because the shadow of death around me was worse than the shadow the mosquitoes created.

Awe, come on! Where is my free will? This is America for Thomas Jefferson’s sake! What happened to the first amendment? I suppose James Madison and the rest didn’t know about Medusa, the magic bracelet, and other "Myths" when they wrote it.

As soon as the nymph sprinted past me my hands reached into my camouflaged satchel and my dirty fingers readied a blue ring box. Stop, stop, stop it now hands! Satyr turn, halt, and go away while you can! As soon as he was close enough, quicker than a rattle snake attacking a hare, my hands opened the little box which caused it to suck the brindle colored satyr in. As soon as he was in I snapped it shut.

I started to tear up and sniff quietly. I was like a ban-shee with all the death I caused. All I needed was to scream and I’d be her younger sister.

I didn’t even bother to brush the tears away when I got up to go “homeward” to my “generous patron.” Snap! I stepped on a stick and made all the heads turn towards me. I grinned thinking, “Ha, you have failed to be stealthy you gold serpents/bracelet or whatever you guys are.”

Airlia?” I heard Leif’s, my best friend’s voice in my unreasonable head again. That startled me even though I have been hearing his voice a lot lately.

“Who is there?” a masculine voice demanded. My strong legs started into a dead sprint in the direction of the ruins before another word was spoken. “After the tres-passer!” commanded the same voice, but I was already cloaked in the dark of the night.

I kept running without paying attention to my surroundings. Make the snakes deal with that, I didn’t even want to run. Let the bracelet try to make my human legs outrun not one god, but twelve if not more. I may be fast like my mom was, but I was no Atalanta or a goddess.

I was in trouble and I knew it. I did not care at all like I should have though. Strangely, I actually wanted to be caught so they could free the goat man.

Airlia,” Leif’s voice continued, “It’s me, Leif. Talk to me.”

No,” I cried and couldn’t stop. I hated to cry because it made me so seam so weak. Why can’t I get that voice out of my head? Is that what I got for my misdeeds? “Stay out of my head!” His voice was gone and I was grateful for that, but yet I was partly sad. I couldn’t deal with him now, or ever.

To be honest I actually liked hearing Leif sometimes. It was like the old days when he was alive we could hear each other like this. Deep down I knew it was bad for me to not move on and except the facts. There were many other reasons too that I shouldn’t want to hear him.

I was afraid if I let him continue he would yell at me for his sad death. He was my best friend and not even death could take him away from me as his voice has proven many times. Was that gift or a curse, I wasn’t for sure which it was.

“Hyah,” I heard a different male’s voice holler loudly behind me. “Ha! The gods are on the rampage again,” the voice came again, but in my head this time, sounding like he was enjoying it. “I always caught them first. Do I ever turn them in to Zeus though? Nah, I only like to scare them a bit. Catch; then let them go like a little fish… unless something were to change that thought, because I respect their courage and mischievous ploys to crash a private god party. It’s something I would do myself if I were a mere mortal.”

I could tell my sight had changed even though I wasn’t really paying attention. I started to see through something besides my own eyes. In perfect night vision allowed me to see a tall feminine figure, myself.

How odd it was for me that the vision of what was in front of me was merged with a vision of the back of myself. The image of me had better night vision. I thought it was impossible to have better night vision than me.

I was wearing my favorite and only camouflage pants and jacket. I also had my matching satchel. My blond crimps whipping behind me making me think of a cape of hair.

I looked tolerable for someone who was wallowing in the mud with pigs earlier that day. I loved getting dirty usually, but not if it meant… I didn’t even want to think about that now.

“Usually girls didn’t crash their parties. I wonder…" the man’s voice continued. She quickly maneuvers every tree in her way. She is fast... for a non-god.” His voice sounded like he was trying to restrain a laugh. “Don’t even breathe.”

"Shut up," I was tired of my mind being crazy. It was not normal to hear voices. I could hear Leif like this when he was alive and I saw nothing too irrational about that then.

Hearing Leif’s voice with him being dead now and all was bad, but hearing someone else was way creepier. It was too much for me. I rather hear Leif yelling at me than this voice. At least Leif wasn’t a stranger.

Yeah, I knew I had lost my mind. I just couldn’t re-member when. Was it when I met Medusa or before that?

Suddenly something wrapped around my waist. It hugged me tight and flew me above the trees. I tried my best to scream out of my knowing something bad was going to happen. No one had the chance to hear me though because it was quickly muffed by the guy repositioning me so my face was mashed against his blue t-shirt. Anyone else’s reaction would have been the same as mine. Right then I wished I wore makeup because it would have smeared all over his shirt.

One hand was behind my head while another, right, arm was still securely around my waist.

I wasn’t sure if it was the snakes or out of my own reaction that caused me to uncontrollably squirm trying to get away. But this guy’s grip just wouldn’t give. Thank the gods and call me crazy, but I didn’t want to fall. I heard the angry gods stampede beneath us.

Gods, she is not going to give easy,” the guy’s voice was in her head again, “stubborn, more stubborn than a mule.” This time I let it slide though because I was tired of telling the voices to be quiet, but that was a mistake on my part.

We started to descend slowly to the ground again.

“Poor girl,” the voice continued. “I am not going to laugh. I will not laugh.... even though her heart is going one hundred miles a second and pounding so hard that it might fly out of her ribcage like a bird. That would be mean... and ruin my fun.”

“Didn’t I tell you to shut up,” my paranoia was getting in the way. I was losing it. Well, I guess you can’t lose what you don’t have.

Now that I could feel the ground beneath my feet again I felt a little safer. “Will you let go now?” The sound I tried for was an irritated sound but my face was still mashed against his shirt-which we all know makes it difficult to talk.

I was so relieved because whomever’s arms I was in didn’t turn me in to the crazy gods that were after me. I guess I was more scared of them than I actually realized. Being in this position didn’t make me feel much better.

He put me against a tree... well it was more like he trapped me in a mugging position. I didn’t like where this was going. That was when I got my first good gander at his complexion.

His hair was so blond that you would have sworn that he must have taken a dip in a swamp of bleach. He must have because it was highly unlikely for a true Greek to have blond hair unless he was an albino. An albino Greek god, what a peculiar thought, but untrue because his eyes were defiantly not red.

He had robin egg blue eyes that were full of waywardness that automatically told you he just might replace your classic Lamborghini with this amazing thing called nothing. His smile was even more mischievous than the look in his eyes. He looked sixteen and naughtiness was just doing a gay Irish jig all over his face. I knew I was in for some trouble.

“I would have recognized that face-full lips, green eyes, and all the other necessary facial features-anywhere, it is Airlia! How could it be?

[i]“She was just a dream... or was she. No, she is very real and is the one. She was wearing the cursed serpent bracelet. Yep she is defiantly the one chosen.” Will this voice ever stop?

“Oh great,” I thought the irony idea to myself, “It looks like this voice is staying too, because two in this head was too lonely to bear.” I was still struggling like a raccoon with a hand stuck in a jar for an olive.

“Shhh,” It was nice to hear his voice from outside my head where it belongs. “I gotcha and I won’t let anything happen to you. You realize how much trouble you could get in for crashing a private god party? Not even the smaller gods are aloud! We are preparing for the upcoming of the Summer Solstice, very sacred to us. Just because we are scattered across the globe now now doesn’t mean we don’t still celebrate the holidays of our roots. Oh, please pardon my poor manners. I am Hermes.” He smiled.

Yay,” I thought I couldn’t get any worse, but I was wrong. “The voice now as a name and my brain thinks I can hear his thoughts. He is a god for sanities’ sake.”I was so shocked and frighten. “A crazy god,” I couldn’t believe it. “He is going to turn me in or do some-thing worse.”

“He better not or I’ll…” Leif’s voice started up again.

Shut up,” I almost said aloud. That would have been bad to say to a god. Wait what did he say? “Or I’ll what?” why would he want to do anything about Hermes?... Don’t be silly Airlia. It’s probably just because he hasn’t been able to give me a piece of his mind yet that he wouldn’t want Hermes to get to you first. Great, now I'm talking to myself.” I tried to bow but Hermes wouldn’t allow it.

“Don’t bow,” he said bow with disgust as if he were talking about sheep manure. “Don’t start the curtseys, “your lord,” “god of”, or “king of” either. Just stick with Hermes. Okay?”

“Oh-okay.” I stammered. Even if I couldn’t see him my sixth since feeling could have told me that he was inspecting me like a broken kettle that needed fixing; was that just my insecurity and paranoia.

He started asking me question after question at incredible speed, but he sounded like he already knew all the answers, “Who are you? Why are you here? That is quite an interesting bracelet, snake thing you have with the letter mi on it. You know Greek? Mi, is that what your name begins with?”

“I am Airlia Zarah Kamiñski Zielinski and I am a fourteen years old mortal whom is acquainted and associated with Greek myths. I am here on business for my “patron.” Yes, I do know Greek like the back of my hand; I have had a lot of free time for learning. And the answer for your last question is Mi is for Medusa.” I was praying in my head for Hermes to put the pieces together by some miracle and help me.

He reached for the Mi and tried to pry one of the snakes’ mouths open and he succeeded only for a split second to get bitten and for the snake to return to it post before the bracelet could fall apart. “Ouch! Oh my Zeus,” he started to curse in Greek, “the bracelet bit me!”

I knew it startled him more than it actually hurt him. He was a god and the way his voice sounded just told me he wasn’t in real pain.

Nice try,” I could of swore I could hear Medusa hissing on and the snakes. At the same time I heard “I’ll show him pain if,” Leif was back.

“Shut up all of you!” I interrupted Leif. I finally stopped squirming. Yeah, a nice attempt on Hermes part. But you know what they say “Poke a rattlesnake with a stick and you will get bit.” Can you blame it? Who wants to be poked with a stick or have their mouth pried open? Even the dust devil got mad and took my stick, “staff,” decorated with flowers when six-year-old-version of me poked it. Those were the kind of memories I adored.

“Help....” I choked on my tears unable to say anything else. I wished to have my old life back, but it was gone for good. I wanted to salvage the remains of my life back.

“You will get your life back.” He promised and awk-wardly hugged me. I knew he was trying his best to com-fort me, but it was pretty awkward for me so I guessed it was awkward for him too. He wasn’t doing such a produc-tive job. “I am taking you home with me you are going have to trust me. Don’t worry. You can’t escape my clutches.” He did an evil laugh as an attempt to lighten the mood, at least that’s I hoped that was why. Even with that hope I was still scared with his jape.

“I trust you.” I lied, because I knew he could never get my life back. “The bracelet...”

“Do not fret,” the joker was smiling so hard that it looked like it hurt, “I have you. You are safe from everything and everyone except me. The bracelet cannot outsmart a god.” He looked pretty cocky. He swept me up into his arms, “Hyah,” They were off.

I watched the world soar by under us while the icy wind toyed roughly with my hair like my kitten use to do. Remembering Ismena and flying I laughed of joy.

“We can do this again.” Hermes promised. He probably only did that because my life might as well be a soap opera. It must be his share of participating in charity.

“I would love that!” I loved flying and feeling the gravitational pull fighting in vain to bring me crashing to the earth. What a feeling! It astonished me.

Right then we landed in front of a limestone gothic architectural castle with a lot of overgrowth. It had tainted windows. It looked really old, but it belonged here among the trees in the dark.

“Where am I,” I thought with glee, “Who cares, I am with an accommodating god whom is going to try to free me! I have reason to hope again.” Hermes was now holding my wrist with a firm grip to the door. He could not lose me with that grip. “He better not fail,” I thought.

He opened the large timber door and turned on the lights making sure not to lose his grip on me for a millisec-ond. This must be a dream though because gods are not supposed to tamper with human fates very often. Well he needed to do whatever it took to put my life back on track or else.

This was a rare opportunity; gods scarcely get the chance to play with fate. I can’t even recall a time from the top of my head that a god got to do such a thing. I knew he felt special and was determined to not fail, for he would get the glory.

When he turned on the lights I saw full suits of armor, swords, bows, arrows, and javelins everywhere. It had stone flooring and walls too. It had quite the medieval look to all of it. How quaint. I felt as if I had traveled back in time, not like at Medusa’s where it had a mysterious; imprisoning vibe to it, but it was more like a fairytale, renaissance, here. I was dumbfounded. The only word I could make out was “Wow.”

Hermes was delighted to hear this. “Thank you, I have had some time to adorn the place you could say being immortal and all. I have to keep myself occupied somehow. I can’t have free time.” Hermes took great pride in his work.

Just then he decided it was time for some more tom-foolery. He picked up all 152 pounds of my muscled body up; skylarked up the black marble gothic stares. He ran to the rust red colored door skidding to a stop, that lunatic. What else could he do to try to get rid of the awk-wardness? Then still holding me in one arm he opened the door without a sweat. He was a showoff and I think we both knew that.

“You can let go now. I don’t think I can outrun you,” I explained.

“Oh, er, sorry,” He set me down finally letting go. What a relieve that was for me.

I took a gander at my ambiance while I inhaled the faint smell of…spices. There were black walls. To the left of the room there was a black dresser, red leather chair, blood red vanity set, and a red bed too. To the right was another red door and huge black shelves overflowed with books on both sides. “Oh my Athena, Hermes, you have books!”

“I guess we know what you are doing tomorrow.” Hermes smiled, “I already knew you liked books. I probably know you better than you even know yourself. I know you loved to read for your inquisitive nature, play the lyre, play with your hacky sack, make art, and home school yourself. I also knew you played jacks when you get bored of everything else. I also know that you are a thief, Airlia. Knowing all of this makes me feel like a stalker. I don’t know about you but it was not best feeling in the world for me.”

He took a pair of dark blue silk button up pajamas and handed them to me. I haven’t used a good pair of pajamas in a long time. “The bathroom is through those doors.” He pointed to red door between the bookshelves. “I presume I can trust you to shower in privacy without making a clean getaway unless you have super powers I should know about.” He probably thought he knew what my response would be beforehand.

Just for that I decided to make the most unpredictable response. “Yes, my powers to swoon people just by batting my eyes. Also my power to summon rabid leprechauns from the North Pole to eat away walls!” I was being very sarcastic. Sadly I wasn’t the best with sarcasm and I was tired. That was my excuse for it, but I thought that sounded pretty good. Then again, I haven’t used sarcasm in a long time. My brother was the one who was good with sarcasm.

Serious again I said, “You can always trust me just not the snakes on my wrist. At the first given’ opportunity the bracelet will try to escape against my wishes.”

“I figured that much. That is exactly why I plain not to let you get the chance and keep you in my sight at all times… wait! That came out wrong. No, I plan on making you stay and freeing you but you get some privacy like in the bathroom. The towels are under the sink.” Hermes rambled uncomfortably.

I almost laughed at his uneasiness. He is a god so why would he be like this. Did he not want to make me get the wrong idea about him this badly? I know he wouldn’t date a filthy girl like me. So was his eco and rep that important?

I locked myself into the bathroom out of habit. Plus I wasn’t as naive as I seemed, but if the god really wanted to get in he could have. He is a god after all. The bathroom had a very cool beach like theme to it. Blue walls, light blue toilet, light blue shower/tub, driftwood like shelves, driftwood like counter, white countertop/sink, and seashells, about more or less, everywhere. Gosh he sure likes to decorate. My dad would have approved of his taste.

I took a towel putting it on the toilet seat next to the shower, took of my jacket, et cetera and went through the normal procedgers for a shower. Then I was all nice and clean, but I tripped on the way out unable to see. That was typical me, clumsy.

When I was dry, dressed, and smelling like chocolate I came out. “Alright, Robin Hood, where’s my bag?”

“Robin Hood, seriously?” he chuckled while sitting on his big inclining chair that was now wearing brown silk pajamas-he must really like silk-and in front of the door I would try to exit from if I were to try. “Where are my merry men? How am I supposed to keep you from leaving without their help?” he pondered lightheartedly.

“Duct tape, chains? Do you have a dungeon to go with your theme?” I was being serious about the duct tape because I was desperate to cause no more harm, but being completely facetious about the chains and dungeon.

“That is tempting…” he said being unserious. “ But it is no way to treat a guest. Seriously I do not want you to leave….. I could babysit you like a child.”

“I am a fourteen; therefore I am a child unlike you father time. So if you were to do anything to me that would make you in a lot of trouble.” I was talking this way to a god. He could DESTROY me if I were to tick him off.

He didn’t seem mad at all though. He thought it was a joke and he was obviously happy to be treated informally and joke quite frankly. “Dang it, you caught me. I was going to hold you for ransom,” he said with a playful impish grin. Then he took me by surprise by becoming all serious and promised. “I swear on the river of Styx I will never harm you in any way.” He got up from his seat and went over to me and tied a red ribbon around my right wrist. “The red ribbon is to protect you from the evil eye. A superstition we got from the Egyptians, but it isn’t just a superstition.”

I didn’t laugh at him, because I have read about the beliefs of the evil eye. The Egyptians believed it could cause diarrhea, loss of eyesight, constant crying, and even death in some cases. All that morbid talk is terrible.

He went back to his recliner and motioned me to go to the bed. I took a running start and jumped onto the bed. I loved not being so solemn and downhearted. This bed felt better than the one I usually used. I felt a pillow, that Hermes threw, hit my head.

“You broke your promise! You are not getting this back.” I said putting the pillow under my head along with my own.

“Awe, come on! That didn’t hurt!” Hermes pleaded.

“Blasphemy,” I exclaimed flaunting my vocabulary.

“Heresy,” he contradicted.

“What’s that?” I asked pointing at what looked like a root over the window to change the subject. I was noticed it for the first time.

“That is a Mandrake root.” Hermes rolled his eyes. “It is said if a whole Mandrake root placed in the home, will give the house protection, fertility, and prosperity. Also, where there is Mandrake, demons cannot abide. Money placed beside the root is said to multiply. Blah blah blah. You should know this.”

There was a long silence of me facing the opposite direction. Then out of nowhere I threw his pillow hitting him in his face and laughed at him. “Thank you!” Hermes tried to sound aggravated. “Get some sleep. We have a long day tomorrow.”

I fell asleep ignoring the owl outside.

I was dreaming about a blue eyed sixteen or seventeen year old with blond hair was pick pocketing his green eyed and red hair seventeen year old friend whom was drawing a picture of a monster made of candy. The minors started talking about how they were going to find the missing Wyatts and escape this boarding school that they were going be in charge of one day. A younger guy, Leif, with his black curly, hair, almost like an afro, and brown eyes watched smiling in approval of the discussion.

“They are talking about leaving the boarding school! What is wrong with them?!” Leif joked.

“We are not normal. Since when have we been normal? They are special and have quite the extraordinary imagination and minds. You are just jealous they thought of it before you did. It’s okay, I am jealous too.” I said from another room. The dream went on and I heard screaming and the dream changed to my normal dream.

I was twelve again with my mom and dad. We were in some architectural ruins that we were not supposed to be at yet. The tour of the place wasn’t until the morning but mom wanted to see it tonight be-cause she was always the adventurous type. i was a lot like my mom in many ways. I skipped ahead of my parents and danced a childish dance in circles until my clumsy self, tripped over nothing but my own big feet.

“You okay, baby?” mom hollered to me, but didn’t go my direction.

“Absolutely,” i responded. Then i brushed myself off and found myself looking at my mom and dad’s terror struck stone faces. I heard hissing…

I woke up blubbering. The snakes on my wrist adjusted their positions. I felt Hermes pick me up putting me on his lap. He rocked me like a little child. His fatherly instincts must have took over. He was really old and had many kids, so of course. Shushing me, “Do you what to talk about it?”

Did I want to talk about it? Ha, I didn’t even what to think about it. I shook her head violently and started to calm down because I felt safe and like my younger self. It was just like when my parents would rock me when I was petrified or just down in the dumps. He hummed me into the sea of unconsciousness and nightmares.

I repeated her dreadful dream…

Twelve years old again with my parents at the ruins. I went ahead of them dancing like a silly juvenile. Then like usually i lost my balance and fell in the grass with the smell of apples, grass and dirt filled my nostrils.

“You okay, baby?” mom hollered.

“Absolutely,” i said picking myself up i brushed the dirt off my pants. Then i found myself gazing at my parents’ literally stoned faces.

“Turn around sweetie,” hissed a feminine voice. So i did turn. My parents were my world and now that they were gone i had nothing else to lose… or so i thought. I should’ve turned to stone instantly.

You know the rumors about medusa being ugly, not true. She was beautiful in a different way. She had long black shiny snakes for hair, an appealing olive colored epidermis, full red lips, and body of a super-model. I was completely surprised about the myths being true and by the fact medusa was beautiful.

“A mortal whom has not yet not turned to stone by looking at into my eyes,” Medusa mused. “You are immune to my glare,” we were both surprised by that, “yes, lovely,” the woman held out her elegant hand and i, seeing no other choice, took it. “In case you haven’t put the pieces together, i am medusa.” she led me into the least eroded building.

I immediately saw statues everywhere. “These are my marvelous company. The statues are such good listeners. Usually i don’t keep live people since it’s against the oath.” medusa continued.

“What oath?” I was confused.

“The one that says we, quote, monsters must obliterate every human mortal that lays eyes on us, unquote. How else are we to be kept a secret from your stupid species? Where do you think all those missing people and kids on those signs go? What other explanation is there for them?” medusa laughed for it seemed obvious to her. “My last live company was one-hundred-two years ago. You are the first to not to turn to stone though so it would be foolish to pass you up.” medusa continued talking and she sounded lonely while climbing up the stone stairs, that couldn’t possibly safe because it was crumbling beneath our feet. This couldn’t be real because Nana’s stories were just for entertainment.

I actually felt sympathy for the lonely woman… until her words meanings actually sunk in. medusa was planning on keeping me! I pulled my hand away from medusa’s grip and punched snakehead right in the kisser.

It looked like miss scales got too much collagen injection, but that’s okay it wasn’t like she had many suitors dying to kiss her. I didn’t get to laugh at her face. i was too busy racing down the flight of steps taking three or four stairs at a time. I didn’t even see that medusa had jumped over the stair rail to the floor landing on her feet, all i could see it the moment was the door straight ahead of me. i had to go home.

I could my mom in track mode, “never look back or at the ground. Always look ahead. No, don’t let your arms flap so wildly like a rag doll. keep them loose but close to your body. reach with your arms for bigger strides. that’s it!” slam! i hit headfirst into the door. Apparently I was supposed to pull not push.

“ouch!” i was so panicked i tried again, but i didn’t even think to pull. i thought the door was stuck so i had to try as hard as i could to buy myself more time. i went and grabbed the nearest thing to me, a stoned cranky looking baby in a manger. then i turned around and flung the baby at medusa hitting her in the head. oh yeah, how does it feel to have stone baby jesus smash into a million pieces against your head lady. if medusa was a mortal she would have been knocked out cold.

“i will lick you for that!” medusa screeched. lick, seriously? wWhat time period did she think we were in? “i will tame you.”

“tame, what am i, your new dog?” I put my hands in a begging puppy position. “woof! my bite is worse than my bark!” am i insane? possibly and i was well aware that i wasn’t completely lucid. without medusa’s turning to stone glare having any effect she seemed harmless. medusa was all rattle and no bite. well, at least that’s what i thought. i swung my fist for another blow, but instead of hitting miss baby rattle in the face my wrist got trapped in a bracelet of two snakes and the greek letter, mi, on it; medusa had taken it off from her own wrist.

“there, now go to your room and go to bed.” Medusa hissed with satisfaction. She kissed the snakes on my new bracelet goodnight and i immediately started up the flight of stairs. i had no idea where “my room” was, but the bracelet knew the drill. what was going on? i didn’t want to go up the treacherous stairs, but i did. nor did i want to go through the little door and into the dreary room, but i did that too! what was wrong with my legs? why couldn’t i even get myself to try to escape?

The room was decent-white walls, an installed wooden floor, a small window in the back, a little brown door that led to a small bathroom to the left, a small wooden desk with a stool at the window, a brown dresser to the right, and a white twin size bed in the middle of the area. if i was staying i was going to have to add a few homelike touches, but that wasn’t my plain.

I tried to get my body to jump out the window, but my body was not listening and took me to the bed. i had no control over my actions. “oh no, i’m blind!” i thought, “oh, wait, my eyes just refuse to open.” which is worse? i wanted to scream, bawl, and throw a temper tantrum destroying the very few things in the room.

I would have if i could, but that would violate my orders that were given to go to bed. my body was asleep yet i was wide awake having emotion frenzy, anger, stress, and depression. then frustration and hysteria decided to join the festivity. finally, the fear and resentment took over me. i lost it. i was losing myself! my body was a trader. help…

Judge me Harsh. Please.

Comments & reviews · 2
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User avatar
Nutty
Review
Nutty wrote a review · Thu Mar 17, 2011 12:12 am

Hey Kiaya

I was crouching low in the forest behind a massive; rugged rock.


The semicolon here should be a comma. Semicolons are typically used as a sort of conjunction between two whole sentences, and therefore both sides need to be able to make sense on their own. You are just using it as a pause while describing, so therefore you need a comma.

I loved being in the forest so much that I never noticed the mosquitoes that flew around me like a huge shadow that drinks your blood until after the bites take effect making me itch.


This sentence is awkward, and something isn't quite right. I think it should be:

I loved being in the forest so much that I never noticed the mosquitoes that flew around me, huge shadows that drink your blood leaving their itch behind.

Or something. You need to keep an eye on your tenses, as you switch from past to present in your configuration of the sentence. Also another thing I suggest is to read your work out loud. If you stumble while reading, take a moment to reword your sentence.

Absolutely and it was everywhere that did not have electricity… or magic.


Absolutely, and it was everywhere that didn't have electricity or magic.

other tidbits-while listening to… is that Pat Benatar, it is! Not exactly what you would expect ancient Greek myths to listen to is it

This direct-to-the-reader style is a little jarring. There's nothing wrong with it exactly, but it's not something I like overly much. Just consider other ways of getting the information across, maybe?

The bracelet intrigues me. You've given just enough information to make me curious without actually telling me outright what is going on exactly, so I like that.

Overall, this is a rather fast-paced introduction. There's a lot of information packed into one page, so maybe consider taking a breath, slowing down, and taking the time to paint the scene. Don't forget smell, sound, and touch. Just relax and take your time, and let your reader see the picture. At the moment, the sheer amount of information is a little jarring, and a little hard to follow.

I want to see more about the narrator. What does he/she look like, what is his/her name, what is he/she, and what is he/she doing? It is hard to follow a story about nobody who is nothing doing nothing. ;)

Otherwise, you have an interesting idea, and a lot of potential- I would love to see where this is going.

PM me if you have any questions!

-Nutty

Random avatar
GoaGreena
Review

It's good but I have a few suggestions:
1) Try to separate the paragraphs more, it's hard to look at.
2) post chapters, not pages. No one likes getting only a small taste of the whole at a time.
3) Just watch for run-on sentences and you'll be good.

Nicely done, though.
-Greena



Oh, I'm sorry. My friends are in the popcorn and I have to save them.
— Tori Hansen, Power Rangers Ninja Storm