Shine,
when the light in the west
fades to a deep black,
and the darkness of night
doesn't let you look back
Dream,
when the world eats up
your colorful mind,
and spits you out in soulless black-and-white,
paint purple outside the lines
Smile,
even if you're at the end of the road
no one is here for you, nobody knows.
just one person may see that smile,
and bring you back out of that sad for a while.
When all hope seems lost,
and all your words seem wrong,
just stop talking and listen
answers will come along.
All the problems in the world
could be solved, if for once,
we'd stop talking and listen,
have a little patience.
Shine on and be merry,
dream big - don't think small,
smile wider, but please,
take a moment to recall
Not all who shine are happy
Not all who dream, succeed
Not all those who smile, aren't hurting inside,
deep in them their pain is buried.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Hello, Rain here, so I aposlutly LOVE this poem! It is so great! The theme was really good and it was really nicely written. I think you need to go back and capitolize the first word in the second line of the first three stanzas, or put a "," after the words "Smile" Shine" and "Dream"...
The only thing that I really didn't like was the very last line...
To me, that just ruins it... I think you NEED to change it, but that is just me...
~Rain~
Hey Erin, I changed this poem...it was terrible from start to finish. I am embarrassed I even posted it...please don't judge me on it
so here is another poem, I hope it's better than the last!
I deleted this poem!!! it is gone. and gooooooood riddance!
i would recommend not posting things like this, obviously unfinished, sloopy work with no vowels. if you wanted to post it i would have recommended editing first