A Prayer to Allah

This has gone totally off-topic.

-LOCKED-

So, you're proclaiming yourself God, then? Because you seem to think you understand wise men, and thus understand God. You are also assuming that God's vengeance is a result of His being vengeful. He can deal out revenge out of justice, or even mercy, rather than out of vengeance; we can't claim to think we know better than He does. Futhermore, people acting in God's name and God acting Himself are completely different things. If one acts in God's name without actually having specific authority from God, then they're just being blasphemous, and if they commit sin in so doing, then they are doubly so by trying to defame and deface our Lord.

The only way to even come close to understanding God is to listen to His words directly to us--unfortunately, most religions don't believe in modern-day revelation, so it's impossible for us to really know God according to that belief, since all the prophecies and teachings are old and somewhat outdated.

We don't understand the world, but wise men understand God, they become God. The world, that's quite a different matter.

Wise men aren't vengeful. Unwise men are. God isn't vengeful, and...fire and brimstone stuff is what caused the Salem Witch Trials. It's what's used as justification by suicide bombers. It's what makes people commit atrocities and feel justified by doing so. And those parts of bibles are written by men, by false imposters of the Lord, not by God.

The point is that we don't understand God. Sometimes taking back the life he gave to us is actually the most merciful thing He can do. Of course, that all depends on what religion you are, and such.

So don't think you understand someone else's religion if you don't.

Oops, almost forgot--I thoroughly enjoyed this poem. I wish I knew how things really were over there, so I could honestly and correctly decide where I stand on the issue. As it is, I think we may have done good when we first went in, but if there is a draft, I will do that thing whatever it is where you say you can't serve for your religious beliefs. I will only fight for a good cause, and I no longer believe that America's cause is justified, if ever it was.

In case we haven't read our bibles...God is quite often a god of vengence. In fact, a great deal of what God does is vengeful. Killing all the first born in Egypt, for example. Or maybe flooding the world and killing the sinners. Those don't seem very kind to me.

Which one of us hasn't wished for some higher power to punish our enemies? Which of us hasn't wanted those who have hurt us to suffer? Honestly, now. And at the same time, she calls for compassion. It's a tough love God she believes in, it seems to me. She wants God to punish with compassion. It makes sense to me.

Meaning aside, I agree largely with what BGB had to say. Can't wait for a second draft honey!

I agree, and Psylynx is dead, so it doesn't matter what he thinks.

Bob thinks that talking about yourself in the third person is a sign of madness.

AHHHHHH.

*Ahem*, sorry: Senor Stalker has a point, but however true is all is, we shouldn't be using a poetry thread as a political/religious/sociological discussion (of which I've been as guilty a party as any). I think we've pretty much got all the advice/critique we're going to about this poem, so what say we drop the fight and wait expectantly for the next draft?

I believe that Mr. Frugo's very poorly-communicated point was that he finds it ironic that you claim to wish compassion to some and vengeance on others. I believe also that he doesn't care whether you're Iraqi or not. He's sorry for what have happened to your people, but that's not the point at all. The point is that the moment you wish vengeance, you earn the right to be hated. He believes that it is ungodly, no matter who your god is, and very very blasphemous, to ask any god for vengeance. That's like asking Santa Clause to rape someone. While my sources tell me that Mr. Frugo liked the poem as a whole, he deeply feels that that part should be eliminated. We must never succumb to hatred. We must never feel justified in it. Hatred is what brings about hell. That's why it's ungodly, why it's blasphemous. You're asking God to sin. Hatred brings you down, and hurts you. You're asking God to hurt himself. Blasphemous. Ok, I'm done.

The singing of a call to prayer is the most beautiful thing a person could hope to hear in their lifetime.

Agreed!

I know! One of the prettiest vowel sounds ever is the "ah" sound. We just like it, instinctively. If you look through some of the Latin languages, you'll notice lots of "ah" sounds being in pretty words. For instance, in Spanish, there is "amar."

The Arab language uses this "ah" sound to the full advantage, therefore Arabic sounds super-pretty.

Very true. If you take the time to listen, languages such as hers are very beautiful. They lend themselves to poetry and music much more easily than ours.

Please... her poetry?

Allah is far prettier to say than God or Jesus, so the constant repetition is actually nice -- rather rare, actually.

"You must understand us, but we do not have to understand you. Or even bother to educate ourselves."

That is the complete opposite of what I was saying. What I was telling was a tool so you can help them understand you. I can't speak for anyone else, but I do think we should understand how you see things. But you seem to want nothing but acceptance and understanding from us, but get defensive when we want you to understand us. There is a purpose of understanding where he is coming from. It's similar to what is said in The Art of War. The more you know about your enemy the more likely you are to defeat him.

There needs to be understanding on both sides to resolve a conflict. If you refuse to understand him, he will do the same. Everything you are telling us says that you refuse to see another person's point of view. You don't have to change your point of view to understand the others'. It's attitides like yours on both sides of the conflict that keep it from ending.

LamaLama: She and I have PM'ed a few times and she did say she was angered by what people have said.

Reichieru, she hasn't gotten angry. Psylinx has. Its HER poetry, why does SHE have to understand HIM? That seems backwards.

He is the one who ought to learn. He is the one who ought to be made to understand. The messge I recieve on a consistent basis is "You must understand us, but we do not have to understand you. Or even bother to educate ourselves." The media is always wrong, whatever country you live in. To rely upon a corporate force that thrives on destruction and instilling fear in others for your information is in poor taste, I think. Am I not within my American rights to state that I feel his comment unkind? I cannot help that I feel anger towards those who chose to invade my country. I cannot help that I wish God to change their hearts. He is the one who needs to come to an understanding, not I.

That was probably for the best. Nobody should be in a class where the professor does not at least show some respect for your plight, even if he does not agree with your perspective, particularly if issues like racism come into the picture. But remember, a lot of Americans forget that the majority of Iraqis are innocent and have nothing to do with the war. They also don't realize that the reason Iraqis hate America because America invaded them even though the real potential threats are not in Iraq. If they were, they would have been found a long time ago.

Don't think I'm asking you to sympathize with him. Only to understand where he is coming from so you can speak intelligently, without getting angry, and educate him on the facts that people like him might not have. You have every right to get angry, but trust me, you will not get through to anyone and they will misinterpret that in a way that supports their beliefs. Watch some American news broadcasts and read news articles about these issues and you'll see the picture they're getting of your country.

PsyLynx wrote:Allah, I pray vengeance...


Allah, I pray compassion for those who've learned to hate (I'm paraphrasing, it's not showing me the poem...)


yeah, shove it, hypocrit and twerp.

PsyLynx, you are unkind. I am Iraqi. As such, I am entitled to a certain sense of resentment for being punished for actions not committed by my people.

bgb, I dropped the course.

Allah, I pray vengeance...


Allah, I pray compassion for those who've learned to hate (I'm paraphrasing, it's not showing me the poem...)


yeah, shove it, hypocrit and twerp.

Terrorist rhetoric?

Heh.

Tell him his teaching is white supremisist neo-Colonial socialisation. That one always makes them think for just long enough to beat a hasty exit.

PUUURDY INTERESTIN...
can i ask what your picture is of?

In that case it was racism, and any opinions he has about your work on this subject matter is probably not worth while unless it's about style or your use of techniques. An opinion like that one doesn't mean he didn't like the writing. It means the subject matter was a problem for him.

He said it was 'terrorist rhetoric'. Some people refuse to take others into their hearts.

Very beautiful. It's got a lot of passion in it. And honestly, creative writing teachers are frequently big idiots when it comes to writing that is directly from the heart. They want to see you use the techniques and methods they are teaching, not something that means something to the author. Heck, I once heard an author speak who said that his teacher in university said that he would not make it and his first book was not only a bestseller, but won an award.

Good, good: there are just a couple of things.

It needs punctuation if it's honestly going to be a poem - when you read it out loud (especially considering it's a prayer) there will be natural pauses for breath: for a person reading it, half of the feel of the poem (and this is a very 'feeling' poem) is based on where the pauses come. Get in some commas, colons, semi-colons and the like. Make it a real prayer, down to the pauses and spaces for reflection; a prayer should never be rushed.
In the same line, you don't need to capitalise every line - only the ones that start sentances, if you want.

For content, there's not a lot I can say - it is a litany, as the Imp said - its power is rhythm, and it wants a thumping beat behind it, it wants lines all the same length, a meter that brings the reader around in circles, for example:

The Assyrian came down like the wolf on the fold,
And his cohorts were gleaming in purple and gold;
And the sheen of their spears was like stars on the sea,
When the blue wave rolls nightly on the Galilee.

Fantastic. Emotion was wonderfully expressed. Spaces would create a bigger impact though, use them, theyre quite effective.

Al-Hamdulelah. Im so glad that this was written. Its nice to know there are others who feel the same way as I do. Except for the female part, thats beyond me. But the emotion, I very much feel.

I believe this is more suited in a prayer or chant than as a "poem". You seem to be overcome by emotion, sprouting sort of bland examples of horrible things about you in the world - focusing in on humanity. I implore you to stretch this range wider, to expand the poetic form. I loved the repetition of Allah's name.

Thank you all for your kind words. I am glad to have been so well recieved. My professor did not like it so much.

Splitting this up into verses would make it look better, and I also really enjoyed this.

I actually thought the repition of 'Allah' was a really good idea especially this poem being a prayer. This was beautifully written, and raised awareness of current situations. This also portrayed a range of emotions really well, and the poem/r prayer flowed really well.

this was great, i wanted to write somthing like this , somthing to show whats going on in the parts of the world that the news dosent cover. but when i tried it turned out to very , very bad .

Beautifully written poem/prayer. I like the repettion, as well as the learning by unlearning line. However, the Constant repetition of Allah seemed a little passe for me. I dunno, I seem to think that mentioning it every three lines or whatever is a bit excessive. After all, don't you think the Lord Almighty, the Merciful, the All-Knowing would know his own name?


And now onto content:all I have to say is this: Insha'allah.

Ameen, Khayriyyah..
This is beautiful..it made me want to cry.

...That was lovely. A beautiful prayer - poignantly expressed; as anything but a prayer it might seem strange, but it comes out so well, almost litany.

Thanks. It's beautiful.

Children chasing the soldiers in thee streets

Oh Allah, vengecne <-- typo?
And yet, I cry your patience
I weep compassion for those
Those in the world, my God
Who have learned to hate
Learned by unlearning
Learned by example to hate
That which is not of them