THEM.

THEM

Chapter Two – One problem after another

A trail of blood followed Tom back to the small, circular, clearing. Endless beads of sweat dripped down his dirty, blonde, hair. The heavy sun, weighed him down. He squinted upwards, begging for rainfall. However, deep down he knew it wasn’t going to happen and it was after all, summer. He staggered to the log, dragging the small carcass with him, where his friend, Mark, waited for him. Mark glanced at the rabbit. Its head was twisted at an awkward angle and its furry coat drenched in blood. Tom threw the rabbit down and sat next to his friend.

“How did it go?” Mark asked him, his eyes still fixed on the furry little creature.

“Not good”, replied mark, tilting his head sideways to reveal hundreds of protruding bumps.

“I thought you went rabbit hunting, not bee hunting?”

“Hornets actually”, Tom corrected.

“What?”

“For god sake stop staring at the rabbit. I said, are you know what I actually can’t be bothered to repeat it.”

“So how we genna do this?” Tom asked.

“Well, if you hadn’t eaten all the food in the first-“Mark began.

“Ye ye.”

“Well, I don’t exactly carry giant meat cleavers around with me. So I guess we’re genna just have to use a very, very sharp stone.”

“A stone?”

“That’s what I said.”

“For fu-” Tom stopped himself before swearing. “For god sake, I am not dissecting a bloody rabbit with a flipping stone. Do I look like a fu- a cave man?” Tom said, his voice raised.

“Well sort of,” laughed Mark.

“Ok. This stays between me and you, ok.” Tom said, testing the sharpness of some nearby stones.

“Oh right, this is genna be cool.” Beamed Mark.

Tom Felt a sharp pain whizz through him as he prodded the tip of his finger with a stone. It was like a mini volcano erupting as droplets of blood squirted out. He got up and reluctantly made his way towards the dead rabbit. Kneeling he studied the rabbit, which would be easiest to start with, the head or the body? He thought to himself.

“Hey Mark, which the first, the head or the-“

“The head!” answered mark, probably a little too enthusiastic.

“Have you got some sick mental illness or something?” Tom asked, studying his friend with a small sense of curiosity. Mark simply grinned, showing rows of dirty teeth. Tom returned to the rabbit and without thinking he thrust the stone into its neck, and began to saw his way through. He jerked his head away as an artery popped and showered him with blood. Tom stared at the rabbit and he nearly cried, when he noticed he had merely made a deep cut in its neck.

“IT’S NOT COMING OFF!” he screamed. Mark said nothing.

“Well we could-“

“WE COULD DO WHAT, WHAT MARK, ANY IDEAS BECAUSE I’M ALL OUT AND DRENCHED IN RABBIT BLOOD!” Tom roared, panting heavily.

“Just calm down, look you’re shaking.” Mark pointed out.

“CALM DOWN” Tom laughed, before resuming his torrent of anger. “WELL MAYBE YOU WOULD LIKE TO WALK THROUGH A HORNETS NEST, BATTER A RABBIT TO DEATH AND THEN FIND OUT YOU HAVE TO DECAPITATE IT WITH A FUCKING STONE!”

Tom dropped the crimson stone and cried.

*******

The sun dropped out of sight and darkness came. The two boys were sat around a small pile of dried leaves, grass and a few twigs. Mark had a stone in each hand and was rubbing them together, making a pathetic attempt at creating a spark. They had sat there for hours, waiting for that single tiny spark that would see them through the night. But it never came. The big friendly giant threw the stones down in frustration and buried his head in his hands. A gust of wind clawed at their thin summer shirts, making the two boys spasm.

“We shouldn’t be here,” Tom said quietly, his teeth chattering wildly.

“I know, but we are. I just wanna get back home and cuddle my mum. Pathetic I know, but right now, all I could do with is nice great big hug.”

“That’s if we get home. I’m just waiting for some crazy axe man to jump out the bushes and end this.”

“Love your positive attitude” Mark replied sarcastically.

“But it’s-“Tom broke off and raised his hand, signalling Mark to listen.

“What it's-“

“Listen”.

They listened. A faint rustling noise could be heard, coming from a bush only a few meters away. It began as a slight rustle but then gradually as the milliseconds passed, it grew to a definite rustling of something big making its way towards the clearing. The boys tensed, their ears pricked listening intently, their eyes bulged out like squids. Then suddenly the rustling stopped and the bush looked as if it were splitting in two, allowing passage of something big. Mark trembled.

“Here comes your axe man”...

Comments & reviews · 2
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

You can earn up to 186 points for reviewing this work. The amount of points you earn is based on the length of the review. To ensure you receive the maximum possible points, please spend time writing your review.
User avatar
SeraphTree
Review

Hello again, Kevzta. :)

He staggered to the log, dragging the small carcass with him, where his friend, Mark, waited for him.

This doesn't make sense; the rabbit isn't long enough to be dragging on the ground. Perhaps if it was swinging in his hand, creating a splattered trail of blood; that would make more sense. :)

“I thought you went rabbit hunting, not bee hunting?”

I would change this into something like "I thought you were the hunter not the hunt-ee." or something like that. :)

"...I said, are you know what I actually can’t be bothered to repeat it.”

"I said- you know what..."

The dash makes it sound like he cut himself off, which is better than a comma. :)

“Well, I don’t exactly carry giant meat cleavers around with me. So I guess we’re genna just have to use a very, very sharp stone.”

A knife would work. In fact, you can skin a rabbit if you have good nails. :) Also, it seems odd that they wouldn't bring some other tools besides a gun; were they going to take their kill home, or are they so close to home/a town that they didn't think they'd need it? Besides, the chances of finding a sharp rock is pretty slim.

“IT’S NOT COMING OFF!” he screamed. Mark said nothing.

When your characters are yelling/screaming/shrieking, you don't need to write their words in caps. The fact that you wrote 'He screamed' gets the message across just fine. :)

“CALM DOWN” Tom laughed, before resuming his torrent of anger. “WELL MAYBE YOU WOULD LIKE TO WALK THROUGH A HORNETS NEST, BATTER A RABBIT TO DEATH AND THEN FIND OUT YOU HAVE TO DECAPITATE IT WITH A FUCKING STONE!”

How did he find the rabbit? How did the rabbit survive? It said he shot it in the head, which should have been an instant death. Same with hitting it; pretty instant.

***

The second part of this feels a bit rushed. I suggest you slow it down, add some suspense, mystery; their imaginations running away with them, etc. :)

Hm. Overall, I'm not sure what to make of it. These boys are skilled enough to hunt birds, rabbits and foxes, but they're completely unprepared; how were they able to go hunting? Did someone drop them off?
To me, it doesn't make sense that a hunter would go some place with just a gun and a bit of food. Why didn't they prepare?
I'm interested to see where this is going. :D Please keep writing. :D If you need anything, throw me a PM. :D:D

:smt051

*Seraph*



The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.
— Mark Twain