we are human after

Kev, not sure if I would categorize this as poetry or even a prose because there isn't too much imagery and descriptive words. I found few grammar mistakes, but overall, I could see your point through your theory. Keep writing. Hurtado

i like the use of varying sentance lengths. you used alot of "advanced" words something i dont see in works very often. you seem to know what you"re doing and have a very vivid imagination and make it easy for the reader to connect and see what you saw while writing this peice. i didnt see many mistakes, if i saw any at all, but dont take my word for it, im not one who notices that kind of thing alot. but all in all, this is a good peice of writing.

Hi Kevster and welcome to YWS!

I'll be honest, after I saw the title, I thought this was going to be plagiarized. It isn't, so that's good.

I agree with previous commenters, this is more prose than anything. I could see it better as the beginning of an essay on Daft Punk, or about the trappings of fame, or something along those lines.

If you still wanted to go the poetic route, I think it's possible. Keep in mind, however, that it's not just about line breaks and stanzas, although those can be important. Poetry tries to express something in a different way than prose, with metaphors and imagery and more compact language. Read poems to get a better feel for what they're like. An example might be

Their music heard
around the world,
yet in a crowd,
they remain obscure.

Play with it and see if you can't come up with something.

Overall, this could be interesting to work with, but right now it isn't much. There are some themes here that could definitely be explored further. Welcome again and keep writing!

I think this is cute. I like Daft Punk too, though I don't idolize them or anything, but I agree. Music should be more fun and maybe a bit more detached. But I also agree with Kaylyn that the format is ALL OVER THE PLACE. And the rhyme scheme, if any, is too subtle for most of us simple cavemen. Break it up into stanzas and lines, as Kaylyn says. That would improve it dramatically. I also agree with Kaylyn that your grammar and spelling could use some work. We try to look a bit more refined and professional around here. Once, I tried to chat in text speak, and I got shunned Like, honest to God shunned. Until I had been talking normal for a few minutes.

I agree with Kaylyn.
Learn to spell, correctly structure it, and if you're wanting a rhyme scheme, you should probably check up on poetry. Because, not one sentence rhymes. Sorry. But, overall without all the errors, it's a good poem.

Why do they wear their helmets?
Is it because they got em for free, [If you insist on using "em" at it should be 'em]
Or is it cause they look good?
We'll never know but I have a theory.
Daft Punk always talk about not letting emotions [Should be talks...unless you meant to have bad grammar?]
Like pride, greed, and over all cockyness affect the music. [Cockiness]
Some artist let the money and fame get to them. [Should be artists]
Daft Punk always wear these helmets in public [wears]
So no one knows who or what they look like.
So some of the greatest musicians in the world
Can pass right in front of you, and you'll never know.

What. Is. This?
You should probably try breaking this up into stanzas, since this is a poetry forum after all. It doesn't really have any flow or rythym. Try putting it into some kind of order, a paragraph of words isn't poetry. If you don't know where to start, try looking at some of the other poetry posted in the forum with good reviews to get a knack for it.

I see that you are a beginner, and beginning can be difficult. But, writing and posting something for review is proof that you want to get better. Critiques can go a long way in helping a writing style, and you'll get the hang for it. Good luck and keep writing!