Warning: Necrophilia. Very mild compaired to another necrophilia story I have in mind to write, but it's still there. Just a heads up, bros.
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She Felt Cold
If you asked, I could tell you what a dead hamster feels like. But I don’t think you would want to know, especially all the little details.
Maybe you’re curious as to what happens to a cat after it’s been dead for awhile? No, probably not. You most likely already know the gist of it anyways. Decomposition.
I can tell you anything you would like to know about something that’s dead. Even if you’re a little disgusted, I feel inclined to share the beauty of things after they become deceased. Being a person who doesn’t let things go simply because they’re no longer living, I have a lot to tell you.
Dead hamsters are still soft (until they decompose, then you might want to put them in a box and admire their splendor from a distance) but colder. Sometimes they’re still curled up from dying in their sleep. You can pretend that they’re still alive until they draw maggots.
Dead cats freeze in the position that they die in. If you try and move it after it’s been dead for awhile, it will be stiff. However, you can still pet its fur. It might not purr, but you can still pretend it does.
Dead bodies are a little different. They lose their color and after a couple hours start to smell—
Wait, I’m sorry if I’m scaring you off!
Please, don’t go. It’s hard to find someone I can talk to anymore.
I’m sorry, again, for starting off on such a weird note. My name is Chase. I’m glad that you haven’t run off yet, since I didn’t even ask for your consent before telling you those things. I don’t think I can handle someone else calling me a freak. I mean, I know that I am, but it really sucks when it’s told to your face over and over again, you know? As a fare warning—and I guess you already expect this after telling you all that…gross shit—my descriptions can get pretty vivid since I’ve had firsthand experience with corpses.
Which leads me to a question. I’ve really been needing to get something off my chest—could you please stay until I’ve finished? But I’d totally understand if you couldn’t handle it. Just leave quietly so I might not notice.
I’ve never had a girlfriend. It’s understandable because no one likes to be around me. I question if my parents love me, too, but I give them the benefit of the doubt.
But let me tell you, there was this beautiful girl at school. She had straight brown hair and eyes, always wore jeans, and kept to her group of friends. I can’t describe the living as well as I can the dead, so please bear with me when I say that she was just gorgeous. I knew that she had self-esteem issues. I hear rumors that she was bulimic. She endured the heat of summer with her jeans when she could have easily worn shorts. I always wanted to go up to her and tell her, “You look breathtaking today, Emma.”
And I regret not doing it when she could hear me.
The rumors turned out to be true. She was absent to school sometimes, but one week she didn’t show up at all. I heard her friends saying that she was in the hospital for nearly dying of malnutrition. I saw this as an opportunity to tell her how I felt about her.
After school I went to Costco and bought her a bouquet of brightly colored flowers, a hotdog (I figured she must not like hospital food), and a box of Kisses.
Once I got to the hospital, I came to terms with the fact that I couldn’t simply go in there and give her flowers. She might not have known me personally, but she did know my reputation and wouldn’t enjoy the gifts I got her nearly as much as if one of her friends gave them. So I went in and told the nurse I was a friend of Emma Jenkins and to give her the gifts.
The following Monday, Emma was back at school and talking to her friends.
“Someone gave me a hotdog,” I heard her saying. “And candy. I wanted to vomit.”
Yeah, it hurt to hear that, but it was my fault anyway. What was I thinking, giving a girl with low self-esteem a hotdog and chocolate? I might as well have called her fat. Girls are complicated to understand, but I got that much.
So there I was, feeling so sorry for myself that I never saw that Emma got progressively worse. I never saw that she came to school each day looking a little more frail, her hair duller and brittle. I never saw her eat her lunch and then excuse herself to the bathroom to throw it back up. It was like I was blind.
Not until I came to school one day did I put the pieces together, because all around, everyone was talking about how Emma Jenkins had died.
She had killed herself, all because she didn’t think she was good enough for anybody. I don’t think anyone had ever told her that she was a lovely girl. I hadn’t. It may or may not have stopped her, but at least she would have felt good about herself for a little while.
Her funeral was a week later on a Saturday. Even though I wasn’t invited, I went. Dressed in my best church clothes, I arrived at the cemetery with flowers in my hand. I stayed back during the funeral; not until afterwards, not until the people overseeing left to go get the equipment to bury her, did I go over to the open casket.
All I had intended to do was give her a kiss on the forehead like everyone else had done, but I couldn’t help myself. I kissed her forehead, cheek, lips, neck. I ran my fingers through her hair to memorize the feeling, touched her face with the back of my hand to remember the coldness. She was wearing a pink dress, and I’ll never forget the stark contrast it had against her white skin.
I hated myself for thinking that she looked even more breathtaking when she was dead. I wanted to hold her close to me, so I reached in and lifted her out. She wasn’t heavy, but she wasn’t light either. Even though she was nothing more than skin and bones and would have weighed close to little if she were alive, death had weighed her down.
I whispered, over and over, “You look breathtaking today, Emma.”
I explored the inside of her mouth with my tongue when I kissed her again. Cold. Dry. Everything that a kiss between living people wouldn’t be. I wanted to touch the skin beneath her dress. I did.
I’m ashamed of it. I have enough disgust in myself for the both of us.
I heard people coming; I laid Emma back down. I smoothed her hair, fixed her dress, wiped around her mouth. When I left, it was like I hadn’t been there at all.
You can leave now. You don’t have to tell anyone you were here—I don’t want people to judge you for listening to a creep like me. I don’t have anything more to say other than thank you.
It means a lot.
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
This is just...amazing! I personally love creepy stories and poems and I have to tell you that this was one of the best that I have ever read. It actually gave me chills. I like how the guy was creepy yet sweet and gentle when it came to dead things and the girl he liked. Also I like the beginning to you did a really good job of describing the type of person he was. Everything just tied together perfectly. You painted a picture in my mind and the entire time I was reading I felt like I was there seeing everything. You're really good at describing details too. Again I really loved this. Good job! c:
Thank you so much for reading! I also love your avatar and your username. (-:
No problem and thank you! c:
I'm going to cry. Yes, it was creepy. Very creepy and it disturbed me slightly. I like that. It's always good to know that somebody else has more disturbing ideas than you do. Kudos to you for being romantic and disturbing at the same time.
This paragraph, "So there I was, feeling so sorry for myself that I never saw that Emma got progressively worse. I never saw that she came to school each day looking a little more frail, her hair duller and brittle. I never saw her eat her lunch and then excuse herself to the bathroom to throw it back up. It was like I was blind." It was a little awkward and I had to re-read it a few times to understand the meaning.
Especially this line; "I never saw her eat her lunch and then excuse herself to the bathroom to throw it back up." At the beginning of the sentence, you make it sound like she didn't eat her lunch, and then she went to the bathroom to throw it up. Then I re-read it, and understood it better.
There are simple grammar errors i.e. "fare" rather than "fair", etc. They are really easy to catch though, if you re-read them.
I hope this helped, your story was amazing.
The paragraph may be a bit awkward, I agree.
I will try and find those errors soon; it's been long enough that hopefully they'll stick out like a sore thumb. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!
Wooo! I liked this one a lot. I like the way you described all of those....dead things. Very good choice of adjectives, especially when describing the dead Emma vs. the alive one. I particularly enjoyed the way you pulled me into the story by having it sound like a cry for help or like a conversation with anyone who would listen. Really good stuff. I also liked the way that Chase's feelings were portrayed, or, rather, conveyed to the reader. Instead of just saying that he felt guilty, gross, etc., you chose to put those feelings into his own words. Finally, GOOD JOB. Gold star for necrophilia XD.
Thank you! Every author who writes about necrophila needs a cautious pat on the back.
I wish you could see me, cause by god, I'm just applauding.
I love stories like this, where the character cracks the fourth wall and actually talks to the audience.
Now, it's strange, because I'm usually not a big fan of things that start with death...or have to do with dead hamsters (I owned two guinea pigs that both died before the age of 3). But for some reason, just the way it's worded just makes you really interested throughout, and by the end, you blink and go "...What the F***...that was just a story?!"
You're strongest element here is Chase. This character is absolutely perfect. He's creepy, sympathetic, interesting, slightly sarcastic at times, and omg, I just wanted to give him a kiss for some reason! XDD
I hope he's attractive, otherwise, I'd find everything I just read very creepy LOL
isn't that awful? XDDD
I've known a few girls who have tried the bulimic shit, and thank god I caught all three of them and convinced their parents to get them into therapy, but that does mean that I understand this a bit better than the common person, because I have seen the symptoms and repercussions first hand.
I'm guessing you have too, because you did a very good job at depicting Bulimia.
God...please do something like this again, maybe another with Chase, it'd be nice to read what other things he has a weird opinion or knowledge of.
Keep writing, I am now your fan
~Maddie
Thank you so much, Maddie! This really means a lot. I may conjure up another story for Chase, and if that happens, I'll try and let you know.
definitely, I want to read more XD
Whoaaa. That was breath taking. I actually thought for a second Chase was real! You made Chase and Emma seem so real I thought they were real people! Good job on the characters!
I'm actually telling myself that Chase is not a real person, because I want to tell him that he's not a creep. He's just someone with a different interests than most people. He's actually pretty sweet...
I love this part:
"Dead bodies are a little different. They lose their color and after a couple hours start to smell—
Wait, I’m sorry if I’m scaring you off!
Please, don’t go. It’s hard to find someone I can talk to anymore."
I like this because it makes me feel like he's actually talking to me, telling me not to go. Just another kudos for making the characters so real!
No grammar mistakes that I can see.
Can you write more on Chase? He's really interesting!
~R
Thank you for such a wonderful review! I'm glad you connected so much to Chase
Perhaps you'll see more of Chase in the future.
One of the most creepiest stories I've ever read. The beginning was intriguing. And I found myself getting more hooked after I read every sentence.
So there I was, feeling so sorry for myself that I never saw that Emma got progressively worse. I never saw that she came to school each day looking a little more frail, her hair duller and brittle. I never saw her eat her lunch and then excuse herself to the bathroom to throw it back up. It was like I was blind.
I like this part for no reason at all. To me its a part where Chase acts like a normal boy avoiding rejection.
"All I had intended to do was give her a kiss on the forehead like everyone else had done, but I couldn't help myself. I kissed her forehead, cheek, lips, neck. I ran my fingers through her hair to memorize the feeling, touched her face with the back of my hand to remember the coldness. She was wearing a pink dress, and I’ll never forget the stark contrast it had against her white skin."
This is my favorite part of the whole story. I love the description I could totally understand the urge felt by Chase which would otherwise seem disgusting.
"I explored the inside of her mouth with my tongue when I kissed her again. Cold. Dry. Everything that a kiss between living people wouldn’t be. I wanted to touch the skin beneath her dress. I did."
At this point I was like, aaww the story is ending. I just wish there was more. Its an amazing story. I loved the way you've written it. Keep writing. And I look forward to reading your other stories on necrophilia. Please do write.
Thank you very much for reading and reviewing! I'll keep you posted if and when I write another necrophilia story (;
Hello there,
First and foremost this story is instantly engaging, the second I finished the first sentence I was well and truly hooked. I congratulate you on that, because as I’m sure we all know and have experienced, this isn’t always easy. A strong voice, steady and fluid; and above all, creepy, eerie even. Very impressive stuff.
“However, you can still pet its fur. It might not purr, but you can still pretend it does.”
I think that, perhaps, this best sums up what I’m getting at. A truly great sentence, boasting a sadistic and frankly evil insight that serves as incredible writing.
“Wait, I’m sorry if I’m scaring you off!”
“Please, don’t go. It’s hard to find someone I can talk to anymore.”
Haha, at this point I was getting slightly scared, but nonetheless, compelling story telling.
Good, I was beginning to get itchy, waiting for you to get into the crux of the story. Now that you’ve introduced the character - which as noted, was done superbly – you have begun to unravel the tale. I like the mistake he has made with the unwell girl, bringing chocolate and a hot dog, the sort of error that any foolish young man could make; yet, what causes this seemingly innocent act to become seriously ‘edge of the seat stuff’, (excuse the cliché), is the fact that the reader knows how unpredictable and weird the character is! Reading on….
“She had killed herself, all because she didn’t think she was good enough for anybody. I don’t think anyone had ever told her that she was a lovely girl. I hadn’t. It may or may not have stopped her, but at least she would have felt good about herself for a little while.”
Honestly, this is so good; my favorite part so far, in fact, I prefer it even above all the gruesome descriptions. It tells us so much, and done so simplistically.
Wow, didn’t expect the end. Probably a little too much for my own personal preference, but still great writing makes the reader feel emotions, and regardless of what that emotion is, be it sadness or in this case disgust, it still does a job. It’s not an easy skill to possess, and clearly you are a writer with great talent.
Keep writing, and well done on a very interesting and well-written story.
Ben
Thank you tremendously for your review! I can't express how much your words mean to me.
I can't give this a full review (at the moment.) But I want to let you know I've read it, and your writing/writing style is absolutely fantastic! I thought that it was beautifully written, and a serious love story you had going there. I am quite creeped out by what he did to be honest. Very creeped out. But that said, I can look past that enough to say that your writing was really good, and so it made it easier to read. Anyways, I made the choice to read it (without searching the meaning of necrophilia, haha), and it was good! XD Great job writing it! And if this is a new way of writing, as you said below, continue it! It was really connecting. : )
I was wondering what people who didn't know what necrophilia was would think of it haha! A creeped out audience means I've done my job and completed my goal. Thank you for the lovey comment! It means so much.
OMG!!! THIS IS AMAZING!! I LOVE HOW YOU TELL THE STORY LIKE YOU'RE(CHARACTER) IS TALKING TO ME. I LOVE THIS!! THERE HAD BEEN SOME TYPOS WITH COMMAS.
THIS STORY IS EXPRESSING SO MANY FEELINGS THAT A WRITER WRITE. IT SPEAKS THE TRUTH IT'S JUST AMAZING.
THIS STORY HAS POTENTIAL YOU'RE AMAZING
Thank you for another comment! You're too sweet <3
OMG!!! THIS IS AMAZING!! I LOVE HOW YOU TELL THE STORY LIKE YOU'RE(CHARACTER) IS TALKING TO ME. I LOVE THIS!! THERE HAD BEEN SOME TYPOS WITH COMMAS.
THIS STORY IS EXPRESSING SO MANY FEELINGS THAT A WRITER WRITE. IT SPEAKS THE TRUTH IT'S JUST AMAZING.
THIS STORY HAS POTENTIAL YOU'RE AMAZING
I swear to god that I like this story. I've always been a fan of... well, brain-sick characters. These are the type of topics people would rather not write about and yet you did! For that, I commend you for breaching into the unconscious of human beings. Yes, yes, I did just say that.
By toying with such a disturbing topic, you, as a writer, are able to create a fitting story of a guy who, although is experiencing necrophilia, is actually a good guy. A guy who actually respects the person whom he is talking to, which makes the character more real. By the end of the story, you are able to establish so much about Chase which most writers eventually neglect to tell. By such vivid descriptions, your readers can actually take part in the story by giving their respective reactions: either to cringe or to become curious.
I especially liked how you started out with the hamster, of how it felt and how you can pretend that it's still alive. If you hadn't added the part, the story would have been dull.
Honestly, I would have wished that there were more. A part of me hoped that Chase would actually go as far as taking Emma's body away but even for Chase, that would be going to the extremes. But if it were to happen, this story could go anywhere! From him hiding the body or actually recovering from necrophilia. Despite the disturbing factor, the story evokes emotion and curiosity which would help a lot in convincing more readers to actually... well, read such story.
I see a lot of potential in this story. I know most people around here would comment on spelling or grammar mistakes but I trust most writers to edit those soon therefore I won't comment on the few I have found. Nevertheless, I like this. I like the premise of it. I would certainly read your other stories regarding necrophilia if you decide to post one soon. But till then, good work and keep it up!
~ Coralyn
Thank you so much for the review! I'm glad that the writing style I took up for this was effective. It was something I wanted to try out.
Writing about how messed up the mind can be is always a thrill and interesting as hell. I'm glad that you appreciate that kind of topic (and thank you so much for the follow). I'm musing over another necrophilia story at the moment as well.
I love your thoughts on how the end could have gone by the way! I might have played it safe, but only because I had in mind that Chase was a timid enough character and probably wouldn't have been able to carry out doing anything else to the body. You have certainly given me some ideas, though!