You say you want this, you say you want that
You say you want to go here, you say you want to go there
You say you want your fantasies fulfilled, you say you want to show me as a trophy
Many things you wanted but got denial on the face of it, Oh my Madho if only you would have let me love you the way I wanted to...
I wanted to ruffle your hair, I wanted to share that shy smile in that thundering air
I wanted to talk my soul with you
I wanted you to visit the places my heart has gone to
I wanted to drink you from a distance
I wanted to maintain a barrier
I wanted things to be fun
I wanted to keep secrects
I wanted to playfully strike you and run away
I wanted to play, dance, sing
I wanted time.
time time time
that's what you didn't have, I think
I wanted to build us a world but I needed your help
Rushing matters don't gratify my gut and I try to stop, you, me, us, all
and it does beautifully come to an unfathomable end
pure sickness, pure hurt, pure wince, not imaginable pain
Oh my, what did I ask for that demanded so much suffering
Oh my, what else could I have done
Being me this is it
At least you aren't suffereing like me
At least you are free unlike me...
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Canary word: Present
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,814 Reviews
Hello, here for a quick review.
such a wonderful poem you have written. this makes me visualize a couple where they both are present physically but only one of them is present wholly in the relationship. and they also know that.
they are aware of their attachment towards their partner and how much it will hurt breaking apart but the thing that hurts more is the fact that the other person wont be that much affected. they will surely move on fast.
you wanted to experience so many things with your loved one, but clearly the other person is not interested. and it hurts so much.
these lines, they only care about their own things. they don't see you as a person but rather as a 'show off' to flex about, like they think you exist without any feelings.
sometimes, all we want, what we need is time only but we never get it.
these lines are so beautiful. this shows that when they finally ends their relationship. they realise how much they cared and the how much the other person did not.
so, at last i would say i really liked this work
have fun writing~
bye
Thanks a lot for reviewing it, it means a lot!
you're welcome %uD83D%uDE0A . it's a beautiful poem indeed.
Hello Hello, I hope you dont mind me popping in with a quick review. I will apologize If this is a lot shorter than my normal ones. Overall I really liked this and it is a message that would hit home to a lot of people. Romance is rough and confusing and sometimes waiting works or it doesn't. I wish you luck don't worry you will find someone out there that matches your pace.
Now I do want to point out some typos quickly that are an easy fix. "I wanted to keep secrects " I think you mean " I wanted to keep secrets" There's also this typo." At least you aren't suffereing like me" I would change that to " At least you aren't suffering like me."
Dont worry typos happen to the best of us keep writing and drink water!
I don't mind it at all, instead I thank you for reviewing my work! Also thanks for your good wishes.
I loved it... You really got a talent.
Hey, Thankyou!
Kem6o~
I really love this poem you wrote. I think a lot of people can relate to this one especially. Relationships are confusing...I appreciate that you put "I wanted to maintain a barrier," and then "I wanted things to be fun." How do you even know how to sort these emotions at once?! I think this poem is really creative. The second half is less abstract and more direct; ("...and it does beautifully come to an unfathomable end.") Wow! This poem is really, really deep. The end; "At least you aren't suffering like me...At least you are free unlike me..."
Wow, you have done a lot of great work with this poem! I hope I can be a better writer by reading this.
~AmberMelanie
Hey, thankyou for this valuable review. This is the first time I have posted something online and I have got such a motivating feedback. I am grateful. Hope to see you around!