Published March 12, 2016
I knew when Sakura had eaten one of the fruits, because implanted in the berry was a dream in which I could see her again, up close. All of the people there were created by me, so why was someone running? In a dream, someone was who they thought they really were, and who they wished they really were. I didn't see the girl anywhere, but how could she think she was a grown woman? She would be the only one here that could run. I was more intrigued than ever, and followed her. Maybe is was the key to finding out why she was so sad.
This is what had brought her to my attention in the first place, she had a deep sadness that no evil parents could account for. I wasn't in love with this girl, although I wanted to observe her. I asked her for a dance, knowing that she didn't see the goblin king when she looked at me, but just another man, handsome maybe, but not me. She accepted, edgily albeit. By her looks anyone would expect her to be brittle, easy to hurt. But as I took her hand, she had a strength about her that was relatively inexplicable.
She came closer to me, and whispered in my ear "I know who you are." she said, catching me off guard. She saw through me, was she a mind-reader as well?
"I know the feeling is mutual, please let me end this awkwardness.". With that she took a single candle from the table to her right, and lit the tip of my hair on fire, mashing the candle wax into my head. The flame took, and she backed away. She yelled above the flames;
"Serves you right! You deserve every possible way and time I could kill you! I know I'm not the first, and if I don't end this I won't be the last!" I could barely hear her, I was burning, and the next moment I was awake.
"Who are you?" I thought aloud. A goblin came to attend me but I shooed it away, I could get out of bed by myself most assuredly. I fetched myself a stack of papers, and I started drawing what I should look like to go in her company without notice. It had to be younger, maybe somewhere in the twenties? Teens? I settled on one in the late teens or early twenties. I decided on a light brown for the hair. I made him slightly tan, but scrawny, like he couldn't do much damage to anyone. I observed my work, the effect was somewhat puny for my taste, but I didn't want to scare her, no matter what she thought she was. She was obviously witty when it came to killing, the dream had proved that much. Her knowledge surprised me, the last girl I had brought here had died long before this one could have been born.
Maybe they were part of the same family. I mused, the concept of family had never been within my grasp, and I had accepted this. I could not understand why women would give up their hopes and dreams, and go through my challenges for the mere hope of retrieving their family member. To me, family seemed only to be a hindrance to reaching your full potential.
I donned my new disguise, I now looked exactly like the boy I had drawn. I wasn’t pleased with how I felt, but I was sure that I looked just right to play this part. I called some of my goblins into my study, and there I told them my plan.
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Hey I really liked this you should keep going with this! I didn't see any misspellings but I will check again. I liked how most of it was made up of the character's dream, that's smart! You got me there though because I thought the character was awake. I also like how it was science fiction too. I don't really read a lot of those but this makes me want to read more, so thank you for that lol! I have a question though "why did the main character have to be killed that way?" You'll probably answer that later so I'll keep a look out!
Anyways,
Keep writing!
~Danielle
Yolo peoples!!!! LadyRanicorn here for another AMAZING review!!!!!
So, to start I have a suggestion. Maybe instead of "I was more intrigued than ever, and followed her. Maybe is was the key to finding out why she was so sad." You could just add a semicolon(;), just in case I didn't get the name right, in between her and maybe. I might be wrong, so just tell me if I am.
On to the parts that I liked about the story!!!!! To start, I LOVED how most of the chapter was made up of the main characters dream!!! This really gives the reader a false sense of SOMETHING, don't know what it's called, when we think the characters awake when they're actually not. I also enjoyed how you added that little mid reader part, I love science fiction themes and that just makes me SO happy that you added that!!!!
On to some questions!!!! Okay my first question is based off of this sentience "You deserve every possible way and time I could kill you!" Why did the main character do to deserve to be killed in that fashion?? You'll probably answer that question in the other chapters, but I guess that for now I'll never know!!!
This is pretty much all that I have to say for this review, good luck in future chapters!!!! Until next time, LadyRanicorn out!!!!!