Young Writers Society

DISCLAIMER: I DID NOT OWN OR CREATE ANY OF THE IMAGES. I ONLY FOUND THEM ON THE INTERNET AND USED THEM.

P.S. THIS ALSO INCLUDES THE MUSIC. I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE MUSIC IN HERE.

Hi there Kelisot! Icy here for a quick review!

I found the format of this interesting, and the inclusion of both images and sound made for a different reading experience that in a way was much more immersive than a usual book. I'm not sure whether I liked it specifically because I read quite quickly so I found I was done with each section much sooner than the song had ended and then I wasn't sure what to do with myself whilst I waited around listening to the rest of it. It's a cool concept, but I'm not sure I'd like to read like this for very long.

I also thought the detached nature of the narrative was interesting and to begin with it fit very well with the story you were telling. But because it was so detached, I found it harder to connect with the characters and the setting. You've marked this as a novel, so I don't know if that means you intend to continue, but I'd really struggle reading much further with this same style. I feel like I had to work to stay reading it, rather than just slipping into the narrative voice.

There were also a number of instances where we seem to change tenses and I found that a bit jarring. I'd suggest picking one and sticking with it unless there's good reason not to as it meant I struggled to work out if I was reading a flashback sometimes (I don't think I was?).

Overall I think you have an interesting way of narrating, and I definitely thought the immersive experience was fun but I think there are some tweaks you could make to make this easier to follow!

Hope this was helpful!

Icy

(Banner by Virgil)

Hi there,

I'm here to leave you a review!



First of all, I really like the direction this story is going. I love your setting, characters and idea of the story. Briliantly written and very nice. I'd like to see where this story is going to take me next.

ENTRY 1-1

Requirements: Play Wavetapper as Hoshi

Life is colorless and only made of black and white, and its child, Gray.

One day, it became a reality. The starry-eyed child woke up from their bed to discover several objects floating in the sky, like baby mobiles that float above cribs. There were artifacts such as lampstands, plushies, pencils, and erasers.

“How interesting,” the child thought to themself. “What kind of sorcery is this? Are the objects floating or held by strings?” They stood up from their bed; the child stood to see any source of trickery but found none. Indeed, the objects were levitating on their own! What an anomaly!

Not only was the anomaly of the objects floating above, but they also surrounded him like a barrier, revolving around as if the child was the Sun. The child checked outside from their window, only to discover that the world had become black and white. Indeed, it was a strange morning.

The first instinct the boy would’ve done was to panic, but he decided to stay calm. He learned this from his mother and several others; panicking had negative consequences. Going downstairs and leaving the house, the child found no one in the streets, no— the scenery was no longer urban. It was a vast, eternal sea of grey grasses and monochromatic flowers.

He was the only entity with colors; he checked through a pond to see a reflection of fleshy skin, short platinum hair, and a red suit with some shades of black, like a casino dealer. Finally liberated from all the misery at school, he made a critical judgment that he was alone and rejoiced to a god out there for sending them to a world of solitude.

With glee, the child started running on the grass with his shoes and pretended to race with his nonexistent friends from school.

ENTRY 1-2

Requirement: Play Whitesuperstructure as Hoshi

But, the inevitable question approached. What exactly are the objects? They started running and moving towards them, like magnets that attract, but also were like magnets because he couldn’t touch them— they repelled.

The strangest thing was that he now had telekinesis and could control the revolving objects. The boy, Hoshi, found this very useful; perhaps later in the future, if he ever is in peril, Hoshi could use the artifacts for self-defense, as some of the objects seemed harmful. Telekinesis was always sweet! How many presents did the god of the monochromatic realm give to Hoshi while they were asleep? He wondered about it with curiosity.

The child continues exploring the mysterious world until they reach a point where they stand in front of a monolith; carved with mystic runes and letters. Hoshi cannot decrypt the message, but the articles are nudging him as if they suggest Hoshi do something.

"Who are you?" Hoshi questioned the monolith. The gigantic monolith did not reply, still standing in its place. Hoshi attempted to push the monolith to satisfy his floating items, but the tall monolith did not budge. Feeling annoyed, Hoshi punched the monolith as he cried in pain, for the child received more pain from slamming the rough surface of the mysterious stone slab.

Then, Hoshi noticed something— a book with similar runes was floating amongst his crown of objects. He made the book come near and commanded it to open a page as a table of digits and letters started staining the fragile pages.

The star-eyed boy couldn’t make out the mess clearly but could recognize some runes with his tongue. Then they realized; the book was a translator for the monolith! Excited by the discovery, Hoshi flipped pages and pages and started to decrypt letter by letter, rune by rune. Finally, the message was all deciphered.

“Abandon your hope and life, ye who enter the Vault of Stars,” Hoshi read out loud the decrypted message.

The monolith rumbled as it shifted behind, and lo, behold! An entrance to the underground revealed itself, a dark, ominous voice humming from it. Hoshi gulped and descended the stairs that led him to the deep, dark abyss.

ENTRY 2-1

Requirement: Play Cyberpunk as Tsuki

The boy woke up from his slumber in the middle of the forest. The obsidian tree rustled from the invisible gale blowing across his face, its white leaves falling from the strong winds one by one.

Several shards of glass and dark weapons surrounded the confused boy, and white light seeped between the groves. When the boy stood up from the blanket of black soil, the objects levitated with him and started circling him like planets.

The boy naturally did not question the anomaly, for he is familiar with this anomaly happening in his home. But he no longer resides in the world filled with the magic he used to know. He covers his face with his hands as one of the glass shards accidentally reflects the sunlight toward him.

"Where could I be?" he thought to himself. He was curious about the new surroundings because, in his world, there were almost no trees. All the trees in the boy's world were synthetic, only details from gifts that disguised ugly truths that hid beneath the surface. Therefore, the boy is generally satisfied that he is in another world, for he is no longer worried about exposing the truth to the public or staining his hand with red blood.

But the other percentage of his satisfaction was fueled by his survival. How will he eat, sleep peacefully, and defend himself against brutal nature? It was the question that the boy could not answer. He attempted to speak with the objects, hoping they were either sapient or sentient, but none of them dared to reply. All of them were inanimate creatures whose sole purposes were to cause harm.

"All these objects surrounding me," the boy finally spoke, "the objects can harm me and others, are they not?" The boy attempted to grab one of the floating objects, and all the artifacts started pointing at him. He dropped the glass fragment he was touching, blood dripping from his hand as he could feel each sharp corner of the glass, and dropped it. The glass shard returned to its orbit, peacefully spinning as if none of the incidents ever occurred.

But the stranger thing was that his hands mended. Despite the blood soaking the forest's black soil and showing a shade of red, his hands did not show signs of injury. Finding this also interesting, the boy smiled as he continued exploring the dark forest.

ENTRY 2-2

Requirement: Play Electromagnetic Stealth Girl Born In Philadelphia as Tsuki

While walking along the mysterious monochromatic forest, the boy remembered a strange memory that he thought he did not experience. There he stood, in a vision of fire and ice, where two armies fought against each other, seeking revenge for a genocide that none had started. Or at least, that is what his intrusive thoughts, strange voices implanted in his head, explained.

He felt disgusted by seeing atrocious crimes happening in his head. Death’s angels were reaping soul by soul in their feast, devouring the souls of the slain ones. Why did he specifically have to see this vision? Why now?

There is no answer; the objects surrounding the inquisitive boy do not reply, for they are nothing but animate entities. But the war continues in his head, and he suddenly hears his name called out in all directions.

“Tsuki!” the voice screams out for his name. The boy is confused about whether the voice came from the monochromatic reality or the intrusive voices and scenarios in his head.

Hold on a minute, intrusive voices? Yikes, that did not sound great at all.

Despite the rants and worries, the vision continues. The war abruptly ends with a mountain of corpses as several creatures disturbingly wander along the unburied bodies. It's a gruesome vision, and Tsuki believes he is being filled with Filth. Perhaps his superstitions still get him, and he wishes to cleanse himself, somehow repent to a god out there and beg for forgiveness.

"O God, this world is miserable. Why must I encounter a cruel vision in the middle of a world I do not know?" he questioned out loud. The response Tsuki got was the wind's howls with the leaves rustling, along with the silence from his animate fellows.

With anger, he slapped one of the glass shards to the ground, and it broke into several pieces. Out of frustration, he screamed and slammed his head on the tree repeatedly; at one point, he could feel his blood trickling down his head.

"Calm down, young one," a wise voice inside his psyche spoke. "You must stop this madness! I have found the true goal of why you were sent to this world."

"Who are you?" Tsuki paused and questioned out loud.

"I am KLV, the god of this monochromatic universe," the wise voice introduced himself, "I am trapped underground, be if you follow my orders, we will have a deal. I apologize for intruding on your mind and showing you this vision. I planned the destruction of this universe and came to warn you. If you follow my orders, I shall rescue you from the hellish tribulations the others must suffer."

"Others?" Tsuki asked the enigmatic god. "There are other people out there?"

"Indeed, my beloved child. You are the worthiest one of them all, and I shall become your guiding light. Is this a contract we should make?"

Tsuki hesitated for a second but perceived it futile to resist a god. After all, can a human defeat a god easily?

"I accept."

He didn't know that underneath, the dog-headed entity was smirking wickedly.

ENTRY 3-1

Requirement: Play Alone Intelligence as Taiyou

She sees grey rubbles across the white, vast rocky plains. She remembers that a lofty skyscraper once stood there, which she guarded as her task. But these memories are vague; she cannot make them out exactly.

"I am c3Vu, also known as Taiyou," she retrieved her thoughts from a file, "I once guarded the monochromatic world's skyscrapers, but some of my memories are locked."

Attempting to retrieve a memory from her mind, the files were locked or distorted, but one text file remained unlocked. Taiyou opened the message to find a memo from an old friend.

"Taiyou, I have finally given you the gift of a human heart as a reward for protecting the monochromatic world from the dog-headed god's minions and himself. You will explore the world freely and learn about emotions through your new power," she read the text file out loud, "as a gift for entering the new world, I will gift you the power of the Kioku, where objects will surround you and guide you along the way."

When Taiyou moved her arms and her metallic boy, shards of rubble, glass, and scaffolding floated amongst her. "Delicate and lovely. So is this the power of Kioku?" she replied monotonously. If she were human, she would have been human. It was too bad that she was born as another android.

"Explore this ruined paradise, one with a human heart. If you are reading this, delete this. I am already dead, and be aware that the negative emotions that you will experience will bring you nothing but strife."

Obeying the commands, the robot with sentiment stood up and started marching across the colorless plains. What supposed to be was the Sun above was replaced with nothing. Taiyou closes her eyes and remembers the horrors of her past; the sun's sinews descending like angels, burning their victims with sadistic pleasure, people screaming across cities.

No.

She opened her eyes again. The first emotion she experienced with the human heart was curiosity and confusion. The next emotion she experienced recently was fear. Taiyou knew these negative emotions would become her demise, so she sought to find goodness and optimism.

ENTRY 3-2
Type: Text Log

Requirement: Play Robot Dreams as Taiyou



So where does she find the emotions she desperately needs and is commanded to find? The first thought Taiyou had in mind was that perhaps the Kioku she was gifted with by the unknown person from the text file was a clue to solving this mysterious riddle.

She forces one of the glass shards to come near her as she watches with wonder, showing reflections of the ruined landscape. She also wonders, what exactly happened? There must’ve been another force pulling the strings. It was impossible that Taiyou's army of robots had failed to protect her land from the dog-headed god.

There was only sadness filled in the colorless world. Curse the human heart, Taiyou thought. She could feel grief, unlike her former self, who had no emotions and whose only goals were to protect and kill. Through a mirror, she could see her stoic reflection. Was she crying human tears? She looked very horrendous with a sad face.

"There is no meaning to cry. By grief, I'll find joy," she replied as she continued exploring. She eventually reached what seemed to be a library lacking books on its shelf. She picked up one of the books about a robot and read the story. She was mesmerized by the tale as it whispered to her ears about a robot who sought to understand the emotions of love. To Taiyou, love was futile and the last one she sought to understand, but it piqued her interest. Several human tragedies explained how strong human love was. But Taiyou was uninterested in love.

She tossed the book away, finding it meaningless (she wouldn't confess to anyone that she was interested in love, however). But she felt a tingle in her human heart; was this the joy that she sought? If that was true, she enjoyed her feelings. Finally, escaping from the grief over her nation, she had something else to focus on.