A Hopeless Romantic and Hatin It

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Okayy....so this was a very interesting style here for this first question. I haven't quite seen something like this in some time and I think it does make for a pretty intriguing start here. It certainly catches your attention as a reader.

Anyway let's get right to it,

I’m not a sentimental person. I squirm during romantic comedies of all sorts. They’re all just so stupid. Boy meets girl, girl falls hopelessly in love with boy (or vice versa), chaos ensues while he/she is trying to win the girl/boy, and eventually they end up together. Screw reason, screw other relationships, screw friendships and screw reality. This is love!

I guess I’m just cynical when it comes to these things. Maybe I take love for granted. Who knows? I certainly don’t. All I know is that, no matter how I try, I am a sap for a good love story. Good, mind you – not the corny stuff you find in theaters today.

Okayy...well this is off to an interesting start. It looks like we've got a sort of introduction going on here by the main protagonist and for some reason romance is an aspect that seems to be the main focus. Its an interesting view to have there for sure, it does tell you about the sort of personality they may have and the sort of situation they may be in at the moment, so not a bad start here.

Whenever I write, I always seem to have a central theme of love, or at least, the main character in a relationship. It drives me crazy. I want to write epics, like Tolkien or Lewis… what I end up writing is far more like Clare or Meyer than my idols. It’s not fair – and even when I try to write somewhere in the middle – like Rowling – I end up with a bi-polar mess, hopping from one emotion to the other with the change of a scene. It drives me crazy.

But how does this affect my life, you ask? Why does this conflicting view on love matter to the story? Nothing much. I merely wished to get my views in the open before I started to tell my tale. This way, you’ll understand things a little better. You see, this is a story of… I can’t believe I’m saying this… The first time I fell in love.

Okayy...so it seems like this was all some sort of background information almost so that we'd understand what this person has to say to us in this story. Its an different style to what you see at the start of most stories but its certainly a pretty interesting one and I think this one does manage to catch my attention at any rate.,

Hi. My name is Jacquelyn. At the start of my story, I was fifteen, and just beginning sophomore year.

Or… Was it sophomore year? Was it freshman? I can’t be sure. I never saw his face, the time I think I saw him, freshman year.

It was very dark as we exited the gym. My feet hurt – these heels were killing me, even though I took them off halfway through the dance. My two friends, Mary and Bianca, were walking out with me. I could smell the dusty air over the grass of the field; see the unlit high school building looming over the milling students.

Alright, it looks like we're just about to head into a bit of a flashback here. Well let's see where this goes here...I think you've managed to start off well by setting the scene quite well here so far.

To stretch out the time we had before we had to leave, Bianca, Mary and I decided that we would go buy sodas. It sounds trivial, I know, but wait for it. We got our drinks, went to the counter, and… found that the man didn’t have any change. Our bills weren’t small enough. Can you imagine that? In this economy? But, out of nowhere steps a tall, mild-spoken young gentleman, who gallantly buys our drinks for us.

Okayy...I'm gonna assume that perhaps this is one that we've gotta be on the look out for. Its an interesting move for certain, you don't see this sort of thing happening everyday. I think you manage a nice little bit of foreshadowing here.

The best part? I have no idea who he was. I never saw his face; his hat cast a shadow. I wonder about that now. Who was this tall gentleman who so gallantly bought us drinks? No one in our grade was so thoughtful, and I didn’t know any of the upperclassmen.

But now, looking back, I can’t help but wonder if… Well, if that was the first time I saw him. Richard. Maybe it’s my imagination getting away with me, but… It would certainly be in character; he’s one of the most considerate people I know. Perhaps that’s why I, against my better judgment and my will, fell in love with him.

Well, that's a good sort of reveal almost to end on even if its perhaps a little more predictable than it should be. Its a fun little message that this is slowly trying to bring across with this start and I'm liking it so far. It certainly makes you ask a few questions and that's a good thing for a story.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, I think this is off to a good start here...its good a decent hook to it and I think it makes for a pretty neat situation to put this protagonist in. I certainly find myself interested enough to want to read on more here.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry