Scrape, scrape, scrape.
The sound of a carver sharpening his knife
weaving in with the
tap, tap, tap,
of his worn out, well traveled, shoes
sitting flat on the squeaky board of his porch
Creak, creak, creak
The carver's rocking chair sung
along with the
hum, humm, hummm,
surrounding his humble home
that carries out the echo of the carver's voice
Swish, swoosh, sigh
played the wind for the carver
with the carver's wood
clickitty, click, clank
falling on to the porch with the rest of
the wood shavings rustling against each other
But when he is done
the carving comes out to be
something none other than a
melody.
The Carver's Melody
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Keisha-Ann,
Okay, time for my critique. I've read it before, and I love the use of onomatopoeia. It give the poem so much extra description. As for my nitpicks....
I agree with niteowl. Perhaps if you take out the "well traveled" part, since it means basically the same as "worn out". Also, instead of "sitting flat", which is a bit awkward, you could possibly change it with the word resting.
That's all I could really say, other than a few commas that you might want to delete and such. Don't throw marshmallows at me, you know I don't do great critiques for poetry.
Loved it. Write more for me
Ky
Onomatopoeia=].
It was a school assignment by the way and thank you very much.
Overall, this was really good. I liked the use of onomotopoeia (doubt I spelled that right). My critiques are mostly nit-picky things.
You don't need both commas. In fact, I think you have too many adjectives describing the shoes. I'd take out "well-travelled". "Board of his porch" is awkward as well. When you try saying it out loud, it doesn't sound right. Perhaps "Squeaky wooden porch" or something else more concise?
I'd take out "something" because it interrupts the flow. I'd also move "melody" up a line.
Overall, I liked it. My favorite was the second stanza. Keep writing!