Goodbye

by KdancerE
  • December 9, 2006
  • Poetry
  • Lyrical

Goodbye

It’s not easy
To say the word
It hurts inside
Feeling torn
Leaving’s hard
Cause everything’s behind
But it’s ok
You’ll be fine
I believe in you
Like you’ve believed in me
I know it’s hard
But soon you’ll see
That what you leave behind
Will soon be right by your side
Goodbye [/i]

By Kaitlin[/color]

Comments & reviews · 4
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Mr. Everyone
Review
Mr. Everyone wrote a review · Sat Dec 16, 2006 8:21 pm

I don't think I agree with your lign breaks, especially at the beginning of the poem...

And the last two ligns don't end well with the syllabolic rythm going atleast, I suggest you shorten them. I love the rhyme though, I'm a sucker for rhyme.

=) keep writing and =) happy gaming (=

User avatar
miyaviloves
Comment
miyaviloves commented · Sun Dec 10, 2006 12:42 pm

This is good however its very cliche. Many other poems on YWS have something along the same lines as this, maybe try creating something slightly more original?

Miyaviloves



In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort.
— JRR Tolkien