E - Everyone

So, an Artificer Decides to Kill God -- Prologue

Before anything else, this fiction is not mine. This is a chapter of a light novel written by a friend of mine, whose identity I will mask with the name "Gucci Game." I'm posting this here so this work of theirs can get feedback from other writers. This work has been slightly edited to work around the limitations of YWS.

You won't see much of the usual aesthetics and tropes of modern Western fiction, or Western fiction in general, because this is not at all inspired by Western fiction. This work is inspired by anime culture and its literary medium, the light novel. So please, please please please keep a very open mind while reading this.

Besides, this is Gucci Game's first literary work. They've been working on this for a long time, but they still can't help but be unsatisfied with it. This is the fifth or seventh revision of this chapter. This work hasn't received any feedback from any experienced writers or critics other than myself and some few other friends. So, if you find aspects of this work interesting or happen to like it, drop some encouragement for Gucci Game in the form of a review. All feedback will be highly appreciated.

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Prologue

Haruto Yosuke was just a normal high-school student, barring the fact that his parents were dead and he was left to fend for himself using their vast amounts of wealth. Other than that odd tidbit about his life though, he lived a pretty normal lifestyle: he went to school, had fun with what few friends he had, and was generally average in terms of his grades and academics. In fact, one could say that his extreme mediocrity was his one defining character trait.

Unfortunately for him, that made him a prime target for being chosen as a hero of another world. The fact that he was simply just another face in the crowd; made it so that even if he was absent it wouldn’t really affect the world around him. So to no-one’s surprise, he was whisked away to a different world to become a hero that would save that world from the clutches of the evil demon lords.

It began on one Sunday afternoon, he was walking back from the grocery store after buying some things he would be using to prepare his dinner. The next thing he knew, a large circle of light appeared underneath him. As any rational human being would, he yelped out in surprise when he noticed this and looked around to see if anyone else had noticed the anomaly which plagued the sidewalk. He was dumbfounded to see that everyone else had simply decided to ignore the massive circle of light that had appeared. Though, maybe the reason they weren’t reacting was because they couldn’t see it. Haruto brushed off such an absurd prospect with a shake of his head, even though he was completely correct in his assumptions. However, just before he could continue to consider the idea of getting off the suspicious looking disc of light, a blinding flash appeared before him and he felt as if his body was being stretched out. With one final exclamation of surprise, he vanished from the world in which he lived in. No-one questioned his disappearance.

Eventually, Haruto found himself in a completely white room, two armchairs facing one another were neatly positioned in the center. The only thing that really stood out to him was a young red-haired boy. He was dressed in a large crimson robe, however due to his small stature it seemed as if he was actually dragging around a curtain to cover himself.

“Welcome to my personal dimension,” an overpowering voice boomed throughout the room.

“Who said that?” Haruto said with a panicked voice.

“I did.”

The young boy in standing by the armchairs waved at Haruto.

Haruto shakily waved back.

“Will you please take a seat?” the voice boomed out once more.

Haruto nodded nervously, and slowly made his way toward the armchairs. He then plopped himself down onto the cushions of the chair.

“Now then,” the boy took a seat as he said this, “allow me to introduce myself, I am Hatriv, a god.”

“I-I’m Haruto Yo-Yosuke,” Haruto’s voice wavering as he said this.

“No need, I already know who you are.”

“O-oh.”

“I bet you’re wondering why I’ve decided to speak with you. However, before I explain that to you,” Hatriv said as he clapped his hands together.

A low wooden table with two empty mugs on either side of it slowly rose out of the white floor.

“Do you prefer tea or coffee?”

“I g-guess I’ll have some co-coffee.”

A steaming brown liquid suddenly filled up the mug that was on Haruto’s side, a rich aroma assaulting his nostrils as the liquid slowly settled. Haruto picked up the cup with shaking hands, causing some of the liquid inside to spill over slightly, and took a sip. It was one of the most delectable roasts he had ever had. It was almost as if the mix between the bitterness of the coffee and the sweetness of the sugar was designed to fit his tastes.

“Do you feel better now?” Hatriv asked as he himself took a sip from his own cup. Though Haruto couldn’t really tell from where he was sitting, it seemed as if the god was drinking some sort of liquid with a yellowish hue.

“Y-yes, thank you for the drink,” Haruto’s voice calming down steadily with every word he spoke.

“Now then,” the tone of the booming voice becoming even more intimidating as he moved on to a different topic, “shall we move on to the real reason I pulled you out from your world?”

Haruto opened his mouth to reply but was cut off by Hatriv, “I need you to leave your world, so that you can come over to mine and save it from the demon lords that are currently running free and causing havoc.”

“Wait, what?”

“You see, the royal family of one of the kingdoms from there have performed a hero summoning ceremony. As the god of their world, I have an obligation to find an individual with the capacity to become a hero from one of the many worlds that I oversee.”

“I’m not particularly good at anything though! Why would you choose me for this? There has to be someone else that’s better than me.”

“Well you see, I’ve been looking all over my worlds for the past month. I haven’t found anyone with the adequate skills to become a hero from any of the other worlds I’ve looked through. I thought that your world would be a pretty lost cause since it hasn’t discovered magic yet, so that’s why I decided to check it last. However, I found out that the people from your world have the fastest growth rate.”

“What do you mean by that?” Haruto asked, clearly confused.

“What I mean is that, the humans of your world are able to develop skills much faster than any of the other races from any other world I oversee.”

“Then wouldn’t anyone else from my world be more suitable?”

“Among the people of your world, your growth rate is quite exceptional,” Hatriv said as a half-truth. While it was true that Haruto’s growth rate was fast, there were others with even better ones. However, their disappearance from the world would have left quite an impact. Haruto was the only one who wouldn’t have been missed due to his normalcy.

Haruto was unable to pick up on this though, “Oh, I see. I guess I really don’t have a choice then. I accept.”

Hatriv smiled, “Thank you for choosing to accept my proposal.”

They exchanged a quick handshake, finished their drinks, and then stood up from their chairs.

“What happens now?”

“Well, I’m going to transport you to the room in which they performed the hero summoning ceremony,” Hatriv said as stretched his arm out, “Oh, I almost forgot. There’s one more thing I need to tell you. You might find yourself covered in the loving embraces of several females.”

Haruto took a few seconds to process what the god had just told him. Once the idea finally managed to settle into his head, his eyes widened in surprise.

Hatriv shook his head, “I actually don’t know what causes this to happen. For some reason, whenever people from other worlds get summoned to a different world, members of the opposite sex of that world get strangely attracted to them. I’m not sure if this will happen to you, but judging from the stories of the other gods, you might as well be careful.”

Before Haruto could even respond, Hatriv opened his mouth slightly and whispered under his breath.

[Gate]

Haruto fell through the floor, the white room quickly disappearing from view.

***

Garyl Hayward was just an ordinary peasant. He was born and raised as an only-child, due to this all of his parents’ attention were focused on him. His parents had hoped that he would go past them and actually make something of the Hayward family name, rather than stay a farmer. Luckily for them, Garyl had dreamed to become a hero to destroy the demon lords that plagued the land.

So the week after Garyl’s 15th birthday, he decided to enlist in the Kingdom of Talon’s army. He underwent several years of intensive training, doing much more than what was required of him by the commander he worked under. As a result, he became one of the most skilled swordsmen in the history of the Kingdom of Talon.

He was 21 years old when it happened. His unit was ordered to lead the vanguard during the assault on the demon lord, Ingran’s fortress. It took them around an hour to even make dent within the army of demons that had been protecting the gates of the black fortress. By the time they’ve killed a hundred of the demons, 10,000 out of the 15,000 of their own men had already been crushed underneath various demonic fists, spells, and weapons. Garyl was one of the survivors, having been knocked off a cliff by a shockwave from one of the various [Fireball] spells being thrown around the battlefield.

When the few remaining hundred soldiers returned back to the kingdom, they were awarded various medals and titles for being the only ones skilled enough to have returned back from a battle that had taken thousands of lives. None of them appreciated this sentiment; many of the remaining survivors took what they had been rewarded with and retired to relatively comfortable lives with the rest of their family, others took their own lives out of the fear of having to encounter the demonic hordes again. Garyl on the other hand, threw away his aspirations of being a hero, and joined the royal guards as its commander.

It was just the week before his 25th birthday when he was assigned to be the guard of the hero summoning room. Apparently, the various mages of the kingdom had been researching on possible ways they could defeat the four demon lords currently assaulting the continent. They had discovered that if they were to perform a live human sacrifice under very specific conditions, a hero would eventually appear within a few seconds after the sacrifice to around a year.

Every day, Garyl would stand watch inside the room, which the ritual was performed in, for hours at a time. Every day, there would be nothing that would happen, save for the few people who wanted to rush into the castle to get a look at the hero who had not yet arrived. Yet Garyl was still hopeful, he held onto the hope in his heart, that there would be a being powerful enough to save them from the demons, which even he couldn’t lay a finger on. A month after he began the tedious task of guarding the room, his wish was finally fulfilled.

It was just like any other day, he watched the small room, lazily tapping his foot on the ground. The metallic tapping of his boots being the only sound the echoed within the large chamber.

Garyl silently asked that the hero would hurry it up and arrive already.

Tap.

He wondered if the ritual had actually succeeded. Maybe he was just waiting for nothing since the mages who performed the ritual were a bunch of incompetents?

Tap.

He wondered what he would have for dinner later that night.

Tap.

He wondered if maybe he should find a girlfriend already. After all, it was pretty depressing that the greatest swordsman of the Kingdom of Talon was single.

Ta-

A bright flash then erupted from the center of the room, engulfing Garyl’s vision in a blinding white. The guard next to him yelled out in surprise, and another voice, which he wasn’t familiar with, gave out a similar cry of surprise. He rubbed his own eyes and blinked rapidly, his vision slowly returning to him every time his eyelids open and shut. Eventually, his sight became normal enough for him to comprehend the scene before him: a young black-haired boy was lying face-down in the middle of the ritual circle. Just above him, a small portal quickly blinked out of existence.

“That damn god,” the boy cursed as he slowly started to get up.

Garyl suddenly realized that this must have been the hero that they had tried to summon, his eyes immediately lit up.

“You over there!” he yelled over at the other guard, “Stop lazing around and go report to the king!”

The other guard stood at attention, yelled, “Yes sir!” and ran out of the room.

Garyl then ran over to the hero’s side, dropping down to his knee as the hero stood up and dusted himself off.

“Lord Hero, I am the Commander of the Royal Guard of the Kingdom of Talon. I am honored to be in your presence,” he said with his head bowed down.

The black-haired boy seemed confused, then as if suddenly remembering something he hit himself in the head, “Ah, right. Uh, nice to meet you, my name is Haruto Yosuke.”

Comments & reviews · 2
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Looks like I'm on mostly critique mode, so I'm just gonna get all the critiquey things out of my system at the beginning, and say nice things at the end. I hope that's fine.

To avoid misunderstanding, I'll clarify that I do watch anime and occasionally read visual novels, and am familiar with the tropes of the isekai (average hero gets transported to magic world) genre.

Because Haruto is stated to be normal and bland, and is therefore deliberately bland, among a few other clues, I take it this is meant to be a parody of isekai? I take it it is meant to parody isekai a little bit, but mainly be taken seriously, so I'll judge it on both accounts.

If it wasn't clear that Haruto is bland on purpose, I would criticise that. But as he's meant to be a joke, I'll judge him on his merit as a joke. It's not funny yet.

Just using a trope and commenting on that trope (for example, having a knight save a princess from a dragon and have the princess say 'Now isn't this cliche?) is practically a cliche of it's own, now.

But I take it that interesting things will be done with him later. At least, I feel as though they will. I wish interesting things could be done with him sooner rather than later, but I'll come back and review future chapters anyway to see how this goes.

I am interested in reading future chapters, at least, so you're doing something right.

Nitpicks-

It's very expositiony. it feels more like reading a manual for a video game than reading a story. Perhaps you could demonstrate a few of these things in the action?

Reading Hatriv's lines all in bold got kind of annoying. If you mean to make this into an actual visual novel, it might not be a problem in that form. But in this form, it's kind of annoying. And I'm not sure whether it's meant to say that his voice is very loud, or very deep, or has multiple layerings, or what. Maybe just describe what his voice sounds like?

The abrupt shift between Haruto and Garyl feels a bit too fast and random. Haruto's scene felt a bit unfinished, which made the shift feel like I suddenly stopped reading this story and opened up to chapter two of a different book. Maybe if the scene with Haruto had some small conclusion, and there was a bit more of a connecting theme between the two scenes, the transition would feel more natural?

That's all the problems and nitpicks out of the way.

I'm trying to nail down what makes me want to read the next chapters the most.
I'd say it's Garyl. He sounds like he's kind of the same hero-type guy as Haruto, with the difference being that he is a native of the magic world and is better equipped to be a hero.

So I'm interested in seeing what the dynamic between Garyl and Haruto will look like.
How is Garyl the warrior going to feel about the fact that he has to train and look after this random foreigner nobody to save his world? Will he feel upset or offended about that?
How will he cope with having to accept that he has to hand over the reigns of the world to somebody much less qualified and much less invested than he is?

I just wanna see where it goes, I guess.

Anyway, keep posting more chapters, I'll be sure to come back for them. :)
Thanks for reading this review, hope it was helpful.

Oof, super thanks for the feedback.

Gucci isn't confident about what they'll put out next, but they say you gave them some good character ideas.

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FashionGirl Review

The story is great. I loved it. Tell your friend that it is pretty great. Though I would recommend some changes. Please be careful with the tenses. They are getting mingled up, as a result of which, the events that happened in the past and getting mixed up with the events that are happening in the present. Consider my review. Otherwise, the story was great. Keep up the good work.



Vampires aren't real, but you know what is? And far more annoying? MOSQUITOS
— LadyMysterio