Remember, please

Hey there. John here to review your poem.

Now, you requested me to review your rondeau, but as I sent in a PM to you-- I'll do that later. Let's grab my second star with this one!

I know this is an older piece, but I really like it. You have this really nice, consistent tone-- something that I've seen throughout all your work. So I'll be focusing less on that and more on some specific suggestions I have about specific lines.

"Fills one with joy, / As if he were a boy." ~ I like your poem up to here, but this is a little awkward. There aren't enough syllables in either line, which stops up the flow here and sort of ruins the rhythm you had in the lines before.

"Dismisses sorrow, / There's always tomorrow." ~ Up until now, you've been talking in the second person. Are you still referring to the character in the second person, or is this a deliberate choice? It comes across to me as an inconsistency, but I don't know. I would be interested to hear, if it was a deliberate choice, why it was done. (I actually really like the second person here.) Also, "dismisses" is probably not the most evocative word you could use here.

"Tomorrow, one word, / One noun, one thing, / But it means so much," ~ Love love love this rhythm.

"Yes, joy it can bring." ~ This is an example of why I don't always love rhyming poems. You warped a phrase and ruined the rhythm just to fulfill a certain sound/syllable. (Although this is old and you've gotten a lot better! )

Anyway, that's it for me. Keep writing and stay rad.

Jonathan

Hello!

Happy Review Day by the way!

I'm ILoveBooks123 from Team SassyLadybugs!

Shall we move on to the review?

Okay then! I like your poem! I never thought that you are a young writer! With the age of 12 only. And I'm only 13! I have to say you are a great poem writer at a very young age! it so cute! And it so interesting. Love it!

I want to comment is, your rhyme is quite good but you can use more of a better one. Because some of your rhyme scheme wasn't really helping the flow of the poem. That's all I can say. Anyway I also notice some of errors and I need to say this.

Like Kat said below, Not every beginning should be capitalized. Especially if there's a comma before the next sentence. If you get what I mean. But seriously even though you have some mistake with that. It's still good and wonderful.

I think you just use this for your format am I right? So if it. Ignore what I just said. And continue writing like this. Anyway speaking of format. Your format is good, just like mine. That what I always use.

Overall you are a great writer. And i want to say is continue being a great one. You can inspire more young writers to confidently post their own poems and stories here! Keep the writing up!

-ILoveBooks123

Hey there Kat here for a review!

12 ! Wow so great to see young writers says the person only three years older (I'm so old). Anyways, I thought this was cute . But there were a few minor details. Your rhyme scheme wasn't constant so try picking one that works for you if you want to rhyme it really helps with the flow of the poem and makes it easier to read. Little facts you may not know : not every word at the beginning of a line has to be capitalized and the ends of lines don't always need commas. Not that it hurt you here I'm just pointing that out and remember , just because something rhymes, doesn't mean it has to limit your word choices. There are so many combinations of words and phrases and literary devices you should just play around and really get into our poems. Enough ranting, sorry, this poem was really splendid. I loved the hopefulness in this poem and how it encourages the reader to keep moving forward .

Continue to grow and write on !
~Kat

This poem has great meaning to it! And as other people commented, it is very nice to read. Sometimes I find it difficult to read poetry, though I know it is more my lack of intelligence than anything. So I must thank you for writing a poem that is easy to understand with a clear message.

You have a good "grasp" of how to rhyme and you don't force rhyming words, which I think is a good reason of why it was easier to read. Great job!

"Tomorrow, one word,

One noun, one thing,

But it means so much,

Yes, joy it can bring."


This was my favorite part. It was a very unique idea!

Wow, I really liked this. I didn't expect to like this, just because sometimes I have trouble with simply understanding some poetry and it's because I don't read it as often as others might. But I'm glad I checked this out. I think the rhyming was done very nicely. The writing was really neat and clean.

So remember, please,

The importance of night,

For it precedes morning,

And morning means light.

There's always tomorrow.

Tomorrow, one word,

One noun, one thing,

To see that light in a empty room,

Hello! Ash here for a review!

I'll be honest, I'm not an amazing poet, and I don't review poems a lot. When I see a good poem, I have to leave a review. Even though my review, probably isn't very good.. 0-0.

So the rhyme scheme kind of changes halfway through. Some rhyming, some rhyming every other line, and some not at all. I kind of like poems and find it easier to read them when it is a continuous rhyming pattern. Of course, that's just me!

The poem was beautiful altogether, easy to read and understand. Earned a like from me! Can't wait to see more of your work! c;