Published January 20, 2010
Shades of Red
Red is blood on a battlefield,
Where a killed soldier lay.
Blood drips on once green grass
And it wilts for sadness.
But that’s too depressing,
Let’s not think of that.
Red is one hundred roses,
Each carved of stone,
Painted by a god
Placed in our world
But that’s unrealistic,
Let’s not think about that.
Red is a heart
Open for love
Tender and true
But its to easily broken
Let’s not think about that.
Red is also a sunrise
Showing a new day
The colors paint the sky
A beautiful red and gold
That’s a sight I love to see,
Let’s think about that.
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I agree that it is a very interesting look at red. It seems that you are sad or hurt, and this is why you are thinking about the soldiers. Maybe someone you(or the character speaking) knew a soldier. I would guess that they were in love, seeing as you don't want to think about anything beautiful(roses) or love(red heart). But then you speak of the sunrise and a new day, so it leaves us to think that you, at least, still believe in something.
Now, as far as me trying to be a critic... I would tell you that you should have capitalized "God". Not that I'm all freaky about that, just that it is a title, and it should be capitalized. In the third paragraph, you say "But its to easily broken". You meant "too". And, for myself, I don't use punctuation much unless I use it in an actual line, not at the end. I see that you went back and forth between using it and not.
Overall, I really like it! And this was just my interpretation, but I thought it had this sort of innocence about it.
Interesting and thought provoking how you look at red.
I fixed the poem, what do you think now?
Thats an awesome poem, June! ^-^
Hallo, Kaywiia!
Your username and avatar are the equivalent of epic win.
Okay! So, I like the first line of this, and the second is exceptional, but the last two lines are really, really unpoetic, and I don't like them. I think you need to say this in a much more subtle way. Remember! This is poetry, so you can be morbid with imagery and give us gruesome mental images -- whatever it takes to make your words come alive.
Hm, stone roses? I don't know if this image works, because I'm getting the mental image of grey roses here instead of red.
I like this one; sadly, the repetition of the last two line-patterns is wearing pretty tediously.
Cute ending.
This was a nice poem - easy and simplistic. I mentioned imagery above, because I think that since you're throwing all of these things that red is, you should make them come alive and make us see it through your eyes. The blood -- how does it look? Deep red, running, almost black? Elaborate, dear! Bring your poem to life through images.
I also mentioned repetition! It's, by all means, okay to repeat, but I personally don't like it much, because without much supporting interest it gets a bit boring. At any rate, good job. Keep it up! =D
June
Hii, this was very nicely and well written and I really liked it, it is very creative and i really like how you kept saying
"thats to depressing" or "thats unrealistic lets not think of that"
It got me thinking about tihngs........
Good jod
Hi! *waves* I'm going to review this, okay?
I really liked this line:
The imagery is just so powerful!
While your pattern of redundancy does work, I found it a tad irritating, but that is probably because I hate redundancy.
Why are you capitalising each line? Especially those that follow a comma? Like prose, poetry is punctuated the same way. If you were to write this poem out in paragraph form you would not capitalise words unless they followed a period, question mark, or exclamation point. Understand?
Good job on this, I liked the way you approached the different shades of red and the emotions tied in with that. Keep writing!