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139,486 Literary Works • 672,577 Reviews
Oh gosh. This was one of my first poems. Its just so horrible when I compare it to the poems I write now.
I'm getting better thanks to everyone here.
hey, it has a good topic but I agree that the last lines need to flow better. you could also make it a bit longer and in depth, but those are just suggestions.
and you are good with poetry, you just have to put a little bit more amotion into it. 
Thanks, like I said, I don't do well with poetry.
the last two lines don't flow very well, as in the rest of the poem it is all a one worded end and the scenery sounds very awkard also the repitition of the doesn't work very well here
I like the overall rythmn of the poem that flowed quite well, and the simplicity of it. Through maybe we can add a bit more imagery, and use similies or metaphor to descripe the scene more .
~Flora