I hear the ocean's roar,
And feel the moonlight's rays,
The feel of your hand in mine;
And the stars loving gaze.
Gentle breezes blow by softly,
Water so gently caresses our skin.
This has to be a dream so perfect,
And all I can do is grin.
We walk the distance so long,
And I turn to look and see,
Someone who has a face,
Mysteriously unknown to me.
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140,916 Literary Works • 673,736 Reviews
Sweet poem. I think it was pretty good. But it had some of it's flaws. Like the stars should of been stars'... But I just see that someone already said that...
Overall still an cool poem. The first part gives out a warm,calm pink colour to me.
Then the second gives out a salty ocean breeze. I can hear the ocean even though it might not be about it. It gives a soft green colour of calm.
And the last part, gives a mysterious silver colour, and fog.
Kool poem. =)
Thanks, I know it sounds a bit choppy, but I do have my reasons for it. It is there to break the flow, just like the person realised that they could not see the person. Again, thanks for all the reviews, I certainly need it.
This was good. I liked the imagery, and I couldn't find anything that was really wrong with it. Just two little things I noticed:
Should be stars' because it's possessive.
This line seemed a little choppy and threw me off. You used and twice in the same line, which is never very good for the flow, and you had too many... I know there's aname for it but of course I can't remember... too many "little" words. I don't mean little like one syllable, I mean it more like those words like and, the, to, etc. I don't know if that's making any sense at all, it's one of those things that makes sense in your head, and then you tell people about it and you sound insane. Ah well. Anyway, other than those two things, good job!
The flow of this poem is very traditional, and there is nothing like going back to the basics. I would like a little more clarification on who the person you are talking to is. I undrstand how the person who you see is unknown, but is that because you thought they were someone else, or is it being with someone in a way you never thought you would? (I know thats really long, but I think it is one thought.) I enjoy the poem. I do not believe I can find the rust so great job! =)