I hear the ocean's roar,
And feel the moonlight's rays,
The feel of your hand in mine;
And the stars loving gaze.
Gentle breezes blow by softly,
Water so gently caresses our skin.
This has to be a dream so perfect,
And all I can do is grin.
We walk the distance so long,
And I turn to look and see,
Someone who has a face,
Mysteriously unknown to me.
Sweet poem. I think it was pretty good. But it had some of it's flaws. Like the stars should of been stars'... But I just see that someone already said that...
Overall still an cool poem. The first part gives out a warm,calm pink colour to me.
Then the second gives out a salty ocean breeze. I can hear the ocean even though it might not be about it. It gives a soft green colour of calm.
And the last part, gives a mysterious silver colour, and fog.
Kool poem. =)
Thanks, I know it sounds a bit choppy, but I do have my reasons for it. It is there to break the flow, just like the person realised that they could not see the person. Again, thanks for all the reviews, I certainly need it.
This was good. I liked the imagery, and I couldn't find anything that was really wrong with it. Just two little things I noticed:
And the stars loving gaze.
And I turn to look and see,
The flow of this poem is very traditional, and there is nothing like going back to the basics. I would like a little more clarification on who the person you are talking to is. I undrstand how the person who you see is unknown, but is that because you thought they were someone else, or is it being with someone in a way you never thought you would? (I know thats really long, but I think it is one thought.) I enjoy the poem. I do not believe I can find the rust so great job! =)
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