Prologue
Salem, Massachusetts
November 5, 1692
Branches whipped her face, arms and legs as she ran. The roughened, moss covered bark bit into her exposed skin and cut through fabric of her dress when she ran too close to the trees. Twigs were catching in her hair. Shadows from the swaying boughs skirted around her as she ran, like desperate hands trying to her drag her down with their claws. "Witch!" they screamed. Glancing back she saw the bright, bobbling torchlight. She put on an extra spurt of speed. Her breathing grew ragged. It seemed as though she had been running for hours. In reality, it had only been minutes. Frantic sobs erupted from her mouth. She didn't want to die.
She knew she could not last much longer.
Her tears blinded her. Stumbling over a fallen branch, she put her hand down to catch her fall. Her palm scraped and warm blood trickled from her wound. As the howling behind her grew closer, she misplaced her foot, twisting her ankle. She crumpled to the ground. The torchlight came closer and filled her with desperate strength. Using her arms, she dragged herself into the shadows of a great oak tree. She tried to conceal herself in the shadows, but it was futile. Her white dress stood out like a flickering candle.
Sobbing, she slumped against the tree. However, she didn't come to rest against the base of the tree, but kept falling. Hitting the cold uncaring ground with a grunt, she looked around with surprise. Noticing that the tree was hollow, she searched for a hole. Her hands went through a space, and the rest of her followed soon after. She smelled the damp earth and could hear every heartbeat as she heard the threatening footsteps grow closer. Even though she knew that they couldn't see her, she flinched every time they screamed that they found something.
The villagers roared past, animals searching for their prey. She let out a sigh of relief. She was out of danger, at least, until morning. They would continue to search until just before midnight, and then start again at dawn. Keeping this is mind; she cleared the weeds in her tiny hole and stacked them carefully in front of the entrance. When she was satisfied that she wasn't visible, she curled up into a little ball. She fell asleep, listening to nature's lullaby.
****
Chapter1
Throwing the rope over her slender shoulders, Clarity prepared for what she did best- hunt witches. Tonight there was a major community Hunt, but she planned on getting a head start. Well-known among her community and many others as a Hunter, she had a reputation to upkeep. Pulling up her short muddy brown hair into a quick up-do, she ran through the materials that she would need tonight. Remembering she had not yet grabbed her knives, she leaned over and pulled them off the night stand, tucking one into her aged brown leather boots, and the other into a wrist sleeve that she had specially designed to avoid detection.
Tucking a stray stand of hair behind her ears, she picked up her rucksack full of supplies and slung it on her back. On her way out of the small shack, she passed her torch and shook her head. The mob would be out tonight and torches weren't her style. Her vivid green eyes could cut through some of the darkest nights. Looking back for a final glance, she checked to make sure all her things were in place. The brown homemade curtains fully covered her windows as to prevent prying eyes from her home. Seeing everything was in order, she walked out the door and shut her door firmly, locking it with a device of her father's invention.
She thought of her father as she walked towards the woods. He had been the best Hunter around and from a young age, he had brought her up as his partner. Women generally weren't allowed in societal roles such as these; however, she had proven herself from a young age that her talents equally those of her father's. When a Hunt had gone bad some years ago from a trip he had taken solo, and disappeared forever, her passion for the Hunts grew. Since then, no witch had escaped her. It was thanks to him that she had the role of Hunter.
Birds chirped quietly, as though even they were afraid to disturb this forest more than they had to. Meek rays of sunlight trickled through the trees. Clarity stepped quietly, picked her way through the forest avoiding fallen trees and other pitfalls. The witch she was currently hunting had been wanted for years now, and the city of Salem had hired her for the job. Responsible for the death of fifty eight men, women, and children this one had a nasty habit of torturing victims with her magic before she killed them.
Clarity, aware of the danger kept her eyes open. The birds quieted above her and the trees seemed to still. Left in complete silence, she leaned her tan arms to grab her knife from her boot. She felt the goose bumps rise on her arms. Raising her view from her boots, she looked up and saw the witch a few feet in front of her, staring through her as though straight to her soul.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,159 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
I just want to start off by saying that your technique is really exquisite, the way you describe her running through the forest put me right there watching from the tree tops. I like how you made the prologue in the view of a witch as if to show that they’re afraid of the villagers, I also like how you then changed it into the view of a hunter.
There are a few faults though, for me it’s a big thing as a reader, but for some people it doesn’t bother them. Clarity, you don’t know anything about her, I myself like to give the reader a bit of info on the characters in the first chapter of knowing them –most of the time anyway- we only know that her dad was a hunter and that she has brown hair with green eyes. Though we can tell that she is obviously an exceptional hunter considering she’s a lady and yet a hunter –as you explain that it is rare. You also start to review her room before she leaves but you end up only saying that the curtains were in the right place. I was sort of confused by this…..
I can’t fault the prologue at all, it works beautifully with the first chapter overall, it’s written magnificently. Not to cluttered but yet gives us a little insight of the fear that lives and eats away at the witches and villagers alike. I’m glad that you took the advice and changed it into paragraphs otherwise I, myself would have found it very confusing and difficult to read. I can’t wait to keep reading, I can tell this is going to be an exceptional book.
~Neverland
I really liked this chapter, and I really can't find any imperfections. But why did she start thinking of her father. There has to be something that sparks up that specific memory. I really don't know what else to say about this ( I just love reviewing).
I really love your descriptions. I could get clear and vivd images in my head whenever you described something.
I can't wait to see the next chapter, and keep writing.
~Ivy
Since you were kind enough to review my poem, I thought I'd return the favor!
Your technique is good and you've got a ton of great stuff going on in here! Keep it up!
You have a very vivid writing style, enabling the reader to picture everything easily. I would like to see more of Clarity as a character though because at the moment I feel like I don't know much about who is except witch-hunting runs in her blood. Your style of writing enables you to make her very human and it would be a treat to read more about your character! I also must agree with ladcat13 about the interrupted flow in chapter 1. Other than these things though, I think you've got a great beginning here! I'm eager to read more
Cheers,
Luxe
Thank you all for your comments. However, when I attempt to edit the piece it won't allow me to put it into paragraph form or allow any spacing. The format is way different from when I last visited the site. Any tips?
Nevermind, my computer was glitching, it's now into paragraph form. Yay!
I really like your style of writing and I think it has potential. It was very detailed and descriptive and the storyline looks very interesting.
However, it would have been easier to read if you'd split the story into paragraphs. Other than that, it's very good!
I agree with MissCaroline on both the paragraphs and the wonderful details. However, the flow is broken a bit partway into Ch. 1. when she thinks of her father, you might want to find a way to make it smoother, like making the lock something her father invented, so it sounds less sudden when she starts talking about her father and her job.
I really enjoyed the amount of detail.
It would be much easier to read if you put in paragraphs though.