Tug-of-War

Thanks for the reviews/compliments everyone! I was nervous to post this because I just wrote it randomly one day while sitting in class and did not think it was very good. I will try to break it up into stanza's maybe and see if I like it. Thanks for the encouragement!
-Kayde

Hey there
Truth here to review!

Wow. I really like this. Amazing. I can relate to this so much and you definitely expressed the feelings very well.
It's not in poem format but I don't think it matters. I actually think you should keep it as it is, it's different in a confused way. I liked a lot
Keep on writing!

-Truth-

If you wanted it to be more like a poem, just break it into stanzas. This is more like Prose then poetry,


Today I walk Make this in the future or past tense, present sounds weird. away and leave you with nothing more than a memory of us. Something has gone wrong and no one is at fault. Tomorrow we begin life anew, me no longer attached to you. I can move, now, on my way and never look back. You say “let’s try again, we can work this out.” But answer me…why would it work this time if it didn’t work before? Looking into your eyes again would break me, and to you my heart would bind me. Forever we would be connected in a never ending game of tug-of-war, a game that you would always win, walking away with nothing -- not a gash, not a scrape, not a sliver. Yet why 'yet'? I feel it all…All of the pieces of “glass” sprinkled I think sprinkled isn't dramatic enough... perhaps another wordall over the floor are me. As you turn to peek back at me over your shoulder He isn't the one turning and leaving so he wouldn't be looking back, you look in confusion, in awe, in wonder. How could such a simple action of walking away YOU'RE walking away, not him after a little game lead to my heart shattering? You want to run back and fix it, make me whole 'make me whole' is a clicheagain, but you know better. You know that then we'd/'ll just start all over again with this game of tug-of-war…

It's hard to critique when I can't read it as a poem. Try making it in poem format! Good luck, keep writing.

Hey here to review !

First I think you can make this into a poem.You just have to put it in stanzas and such

Today I walk away and leave you with nothing more than a memory of us. Something has gone wrong and no one is at fault. Tomorrow we begin life anew, me no longer attached to you. I can move, now, on my way and never look back. You say “let’s try again, we can work this out.” But answer me…why would it work this time if it didn’t work before? Looking into your eyes again would break me, and to you my heart would bind me. Forever we would be connected in a never ending game of tug-of-war, a game that you would always win, walking away with nothing -- not a gash, not a scrape, not a sliver. Yet I feel it all…All of the pieces of “glass” sprinkled all over the floor are me. As you turn to peek back at me over your shoulder, you look in confusion, in awe, in wonder. How could such a simple action of walking away after a little game lead to my heart shattering? You want to run back and fix it, make me whole again, but you know better. You know that then we just start all over again with this game of tug-of-war…