Entering the pharmacy, I head down the closest aisle and straight into the storeroom. Tossing the used surgical mask into the bin, I pull a fresh one over my lips and seize an apron. I tie it around my waist and tuck any loose strands of hair behind my ears. Smiling, I turn around and come face to face with a beaming Dr Perry. Her honey blonde hair is fixed in a messy bun, revealing every inch of her heart-shaped face. Two sparkling sapphire eyes sit below a pair of arched eyebrows and a thin layer of ruby red gloss glazes her lips, bringing out the colour in her cheeks.
"Good morning, Naomi," she chirps cheerfully. "How are you today?"
"Very well, thank you. And how are you, Dr Perry?"
"Always happy, Naomi. Always happy."
I smile. "Do you know where Dr Craig wants me today?"
"Well, I believe you're working with me."
"I thought you worked with Marcia?" I frown, confusion clouding my thoughts.
Dr Perry's smile freezes and she remains quiet for a moment or two. "Erm, Marcia isn't here today so it's just us two working in the storeroom. Now, we've got quite a large order to divide up into the correct doses and-"
"What do you mean Marcia isn't here?" My voice is slightly harsher than I expected. Her smile vanishes like a puff of smoke. My eyebrows raise, and I soften my voice. "Dr Perry? Where is Marcia?"
"I'm afraid it's not for me to say."
"Let me guess, it's classified information?" I fold my arms, frowning bitterly. Dr Perry opens her mouth to reply but I continue nonetheless. "Well, this time I'm not standing for it. I work with Marcia. She’s my friend. I have a right to know why she ain't here. It's not like her to not show up for work."
"If you'd like to discuss it, I suggest you talk to Dr Craig," Dr Perry says quietly. "Marcia is her daughter after all."
"Oh come on Dr Perry. Please." I put my hands together and widen my eyes, exhibiting my innocence. "For me?"
She sighs, and bites her lip. "I'm really not supposed to tell you this."
"But?"
Dr Perry pauses for a moment, then leans in closer. "Marcia's gone."
"What do you mean gone?" I stare at her in disbelief.
"I don't know whether it's for good or for a short while, it's impossible to say. But she's gone. She doesn’t work here anymore, at least for the near future."
My face is a picture of bewilderment. "Why? She hasn't done anything wrong, has she?"
Dr Perry nods her head sadly. "She's with child."
"What?" My eyes are wide with shock, with horror, with bewilderment. "But that can't be. How...oh, bloody hell." I run a hand through my hair. My eyes dart around the room, not quite sure what to look at.
"You can't tell anybody I told you this." Dr Perry grabs my arms and pulls me towards her. My eyes stare straight into hers. "Nobody can know. It's absolutely crucial nobody knows."
"Therefore, none of you are to mention a word of this to anyone."
History seems to be repeating itself.
"But who? How? How did she..." I trail off, not wanting to go into further detail.
"It was one of you." Dr Perry's expression turns grave. "A seventeen-year-old. Nobody knows his name apart from Marcia, Dr Craig and Dr Sullivan."
"Is that why she's not here?"
Dr Perry nods. "It's forbidden for any of us to...do that with you. It's unprofessional and violating the Statute. It could get you…" Dr Perry breaks off, shaking her head, muttering something to herself.
There’s no need to say it. I know what would happen.
"Do you know where she went?"
"Where who went?" Her sharp voice knives through the tense atmosphere, silencing us both.
Dr Perry steps aside to reveal the frowning figure of Dr Craig. Her carrot-coloured bob cloaks the back of her head, framing her red cheeks, tainted with something damp. Her grey eyes are slightly narrowed, whether with curiosity or anger, I do not know. But she is not happy. Her lips are pursed and her skin appears older, pockmarked even more with the creases of ageing.
"Where's Marcia?" I fold my arms, demanding an answer. Dr Perry stares at me in alarm, shaking her head slightly, warning me to not say another word.
Dr Craig stiffens. "That's none of your business. All you need to know is that she's not here and she won't be for the time being."
"She's a colleague. We both deserve to know the truth."
"Naomi." Dr Perry’s tone is firm, and she shoots me a knowing look.
"I'm afraid that anything concerning Marcia right now is strictly confidential." Dr Craig's voice falters slightly. She brings her hand to her face to dust something out of her eye. "Now, hurry up with those orders. I need the correct doses sorted out by noon at the latest." She turns to leave.
"But Dr Craig, wait." I step forward just as she spins back around to glare at me.
"Will you just drop it, Naomi," she snaps. "Marcia is not here and she is not coming back. Don't you get it?" Hints of rage are threaded into her tone. Then her voice quietens. "Go back to your dorm. Dr Perry can finish off here."
"But I'm still working," I protest.
"I said go to your dorm, Naomi. You're fired."
With that, Dr Craig storms off, leaving me stood there with my mouth partially open. A pang of guilt strikes me for pushing her to firing me, but I'm mostly just upset. Turning around to look at Dr Perry, she gives me a helpless shrug. Sighing, I pull my apron off and throw it over the back of a chair. Grabbing hold of the surgical mask, I tear it off my lips, toss it into a nearby bin and stride out. Heading out of the pharmacy, I make my way to the dormitory, seething.
When I reach the dormitory, I fling open the door, enter and slam it shut. Turning around, I greet an army of beds. I am alone. Throwing myself onto the bed, I curl up into a ball and close my eyes.
True warriors never cry.
My eyes snap open. Sitting up, I pull my knees to my chest and sigh. As if today could've gone any worse. First, there was the meeting with Dr Sullivan and then I got fired from my job. The only good thing that came out of today was finding out about Zach. God, if I'd been in that meeting with Sullivan any longer I'd have ended up like him-
My thoughts cut off. My eyes widen and I jump to my feet. Crouching down, I rummage around in the crate under my bunk and withdraw a scrap of paper and a pencil. Lying on my stomach on the bunk, I scrawl his name into the middle of the paper and jot notes around it.
"Child 047451...mumbling in his sleep...Victor...seventeen-"
The pencil falls from my grasp. It clatters to the floor, extinguishing the silence that had gradually snuck up on me. My eyes dart to the pencil instinctively, then straight back to the page. Etched into the pristine white material in two printed digits, the number seventeen shines like the sun in the realm of heaven.
"It was one of you. A seventeen-year-old."
Something clicks in my mind, like the triggering of a trap or the flicker of a light bulb. It provokes an influx of theories and ideas that clash together all at once in a mass of bewilderment and realisation. Scrambling to my feet, I fold the paper neatly and slide it into the breast pocket of my jumpsuit. Striding down the pathway between the bunks, I seize the door handle and haul it open. I almost slam into the person standing there.
"Child 064330?" Kit grins at me and passes me a note. "Thought you were at work?"
"Well..." I smile sheepishly and glance down at the note. "Uh oh."
"What's wrong?"
"Dr Craig wants to see me."
"Isn't she the old 'un in charge of the pharmacy?"
"Yup." I tuck the note into the pocket with the other piece of paper. "And this can't be good."
"Why not?"
"She just fired me."
Closing the dormitory door behind me, I head down the corridor with Kit at my side. On the way to the pharmacy, I fill him in on what happened earlier. By the end, he's struggling to suppress a fit of sniggers, let alone the smirk that is plastered across his face.
Upon reaching the pharmacy, Kit leaves me for the reception and I enter alone. Inside, it's quiet. Too quiet. Only Dr Perry's faint humming can be recognised from the storeroom, but otherwise, silence stiffens the air. It almost foreshadows my meeting with Dr Craig. Cold, crisp and quick with the bluntest of replies. At the very thought of it, Dr Craig appears from behind an aisle of medication and her eyes fixate on me. Her expression is sombre, like a rainy day, and there's a dull, glassy tinge to her grey eyes.
"Naomi." She nods her head at me. "Erm..." She scratches her head. "How do I put this-"
"May I just apologise for-"
"There's no need to apologise." Dr Craig flashes an attempt of a warm smile at me. "It's me who should be apologising. I've got a lot on my mind right now and you just happened to get caught in the middle of that."
"Yeah, well, I guess I shouldn't have said anything," I force myself to admit.
Dr Craig smiles half-heartedly. "And forget about what I said about your job. It was a wee hasty of me. So if you'd like to go back to helping Dr Perry with the medicine doses..."
Before she's even finished her sentence I'm back in the storeroom sorting through the boxes of drugs and pills measuring out the dosages whilst chatting with Dr Perry about mildly nothing. The subject of Marcia has yet to resurface, causing my suspicions to grow stronger and more believable. In that one moment of time, everything seemed to fall into place. Each individual factor intertwined with the rest, creating a long chain of events that explained more than I could've imagined. But that was only a small part of the problem. There are still so many unanswered questions, hanging stiffly in the air like icicles on a brisk, winter's day. Who killed Zach? Did he just die because of what he'd done? Why are they covering it up? But most significantly, who is Victor?"
The pounding of heavy footsteps disturbs me from my thoughts. Glancing up from the paper bag of drugs in my grasp, I watch Dr Craig bustle in, clutching a wad of documents and files. She places them down on the nearest desk and sighs. Placing her hands on her hips, she grimaces at us.
"Don't suppose one of you could run the pharmacy for a few minutes? I've got to go and check up on some medical files in the reception and I don't know how long I'll be - that computer is nearly as old and as slow as I am."
"I'll do it for you." The words tumble out of my mouth before I've even begun to process why I thought of them.
Dr Craig gives me a strange look. "Huh?"
"I mean...I'll go chase up on the files in the reception for you." I force a smile onto my face. "It saves you from having to leave the pharmacy. Don't worry, I'll be really quick."
Dr Craig bites her lips. "Well...it ain't that hard to do." She sighs. "Go on then." She passes me several files from the top of her pile. "These folders need updating. I've circled all the information that needs changing so it shouldn't be too hard to do. Tell whoever's in charge that I sent you for medical purposes."
Nodding my head, I exit the storeroom and head straight for the reception. Fortunately, there's no queue, so I head straight to the desk and greet Carrie once again. She smiles broadly at me.
"What's up this time? In trouble again?" she teases.
I roll my eyes. "Very funny. Actually, Dr Craig sent me. Something about medical files."
Carrie's eyes light up with recognition. She disappears for a moment or two before emerging in front of the side gate. Unlatching it, she beckons me into the pharmacy. I walk over and step inside, ensuring the gate is closed firmly behind me. Carrie shows me where the computer is then heads back to the front desk. Placing the files down on the table beside me, I sit down on a nearby chair and open the first folder.
It doesn't take me long to correct all the information. When I finally change the last piece, I close the folder and sigh. Glancing to both sides, I check no one is watching then type the name Victor into the search engine. Just as Val had said, it comes up with zero results. Scratching my head, I ponder over it for a few seconds before a lightbulb moment strikes me.
"I wonder..." Pressing down on the keyboard, I punch in six letters.
One result.
Grinning, I click on it and pull out the scrap of paper from my breast pocket. Scribbling down the number and other vital information, I quickly clear the search history and gather up the files. Slipping the scrap of paper back into my pocket, I say goodbye to Carrie then leave the reception, a wide grin spread from ear to ear.
"It's not, Victor, Val," I whisper to myself. "It's Viktor."
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140,752 Literary Works • 673,686 Reviews
Hey there KayLou1609 and a late welcome to YWS! Just dropping by to leave some comments on your chapter, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.
An Overall Look
1. Of course I'm stepping into this story in the middle of everything going on and I don't have too much previous knowledge, but my questions seemed to be easily answered by the information provided in the text. To me, this quality is both a good and bad thing, because you have one perspective where it's always good to remind people of what's going on but once I look at this from the way of someone who has been following every step of the way, it might seem like a bit much. This plot structure that you have presented and some of the character interactions, really just remind me of a soap opera.
2. I don't mean to push this description onto your story in the offensive way but there are just these little bits that bother me. So instead of me rambling about the possible perception and applications of them, let's move the discussion along to actually talking about them.
The Characters
1. Character interactions includes the things like dialogue and descriptions of movements. It's also having to do with looking at the individual characters themselves and seeing if the fabric of their being is really all that believable. We are trying to look at how these characters would function in the identified setting if they were in fact real people.
2. The dialogue is the main thing that I have an issue with here, and how forced it comes out on the audience's side, cheap is actually a better word for it. I don't really gain that much from it besides some teenage angst and disgust, swirled with judgement. But even then, I couldn't hear that emphasis oozing out of the words, when ideally they would have been formulated so the reader could hear what was going on.
3. There's also how quickly Dr. Craig, obviously an important woman in whatever kind of cult or government agency this is, changes her mind about an employee. One second this person is fired for some office gossip, which is definitely not those most moral decision to make, but realistically they would need more grounds for firing her. This woman in charge seems rather irrational because she should recognize the consequence of every action, instead just choosing to forget certain events happened. The way I see it, you are either purposely designing this character to have these pitfalls and it will eventually play into a later plot or you weren't aware you were opening yourself up for some questioning.
4. All of the characters really lead me into a lot of questions, because the main character never really seems to be identified that well. And you're shooting this from first perspective, so certain elements will of course be a bit abstract, I just wasn't expecting the characters to be tilting this far off the edge. I know of course that they were all introduced previously but when you bring up the side and more minor characters, that may be the appropriate time to add more of a recap.
The Story
1. Really I didn't expect that much out of this plotline because I did miss so many chapters but I at least thought I would be able to narrow down a basic vein. The story seems to jump through different hoops and tropes every second, not really leaving the reader with enough time to process what is happening. The main character gets hired back and rushes back to her job within ten seconds and then the other lady shows up with some strange requests.
2. The pacing of the plot doesn't really seem to exist and all of these ideas are being thrown around madly. I had some difficulty remembering when each scene was taking place in context to the other scene because it was just so scattered. I can see someone purposely writing it like this if the character is a bit shaky, frazzled and/or unsure of all the details, but that doesn't sound like the profile for the MC. They work in the pharmacy measuring out drugs in an agency where everyone is identified by serial numbers. Being so quick to jump to emotions just seems out of shape for the character and the story.
I guess that's really all that I've got to say besides some aspects of the plot were interesting, but I didn't see myself committing to the whole story. It'll need some work but there's something going on here I can't quite nail down, that does give me a bit of hope it could be brought up in quality.
Have a nice day.
Liz
I really love this, It was the best your are going to become a professional writer soon.
Thank you!
your welcome
Yay! Another chapter!
I actually told myself when RevMo ended that I would not review for however long it took for me to recover. But look how that turned out. One day of rest, and I'm back again! It's like I'm addicted or something. *sigh*
Specifics
Aha, this might sound funny but... why is she smiling? She didn't know Dr. Perry was behind her, but she wasn't doing anything amusing. I'm kind of wondering why she's so happy right here.
I think it was Dr. Craig used "ain't" somewhere else in this chapter. I haven't read their dialogue as much as Naomi's, so it wasn't as big of a deal, but I don't remember reading Naomi using this word ever before. It was a little odd. She going country on us, or something?
I thought the two references to eyes in the same paragraph sounded somewhat awkward...
Maybe a better way to say that last sentence would be: "A sharp voice knives..." The "Her" is unidentified until after this statement, and gave a sort of impression that it was Dr. Perry who was speaking, since she had previously been the one talking with Naomi.
Thoughts on the Story
BUT! The plot thickens! I'm excited about all of this: Marcia, Zach, Victor, Naomi's revelation, classified information. This scene...
... was by far, my favorite.
You didn't expound too much on what she'd just realized, but you gave enough so that we as the readers could put it all together. It was perfect. I felt a little thrill myself, like, hey! I just figured this out! When of course, Naomi was the one who did all the work. xD
I'm just wondering where she was headed after this illumination. Perhaps to tell someone, or look stuff up? She didn't say, or think about it later. I'd like to know where her original destination was before Kit interrupted her.
But going back to Marcia, I have to say, she was a bit of a surprise. For one, she hasn't been mentioned before. At least, I don't remember her if she has been. But the thing is I should remember her if Naomi's going to claim she works with her, and is a good friend of hers.
Naomi is such a warrior, though. <3 She won't cry, and she's somewhat fierce - really not afraid to challenge authority. I was struggling with her personality a lot, especially in the beginning, but you're revealing it most in how she is with the doctors. She's nice to them if they're nice to her, and she'll bite back if they bite first. She does very well at her role in this mystery.
I don't think I like Dr. Craig. She's strange. And moody. I mean, in a fit of passion she fires Naomi and hardly fifteen minutes later calls her back in to apologize and give her back her job. Sudden? Yes. A little too much for my liking. At least Dr. Perry seems... stable.
I'm wondering how Naomi never knew of Kit's existence before. He's the guy that runs around, telling people when the doctor wants them, and leading them there. Was she never summoned before?
Overall
Woah. I started rambling at the end there.
You seem to be doing great at unraveling this mystery. It's coming along slowly, and I can't help but wonder what role each of these doctors and people have in here. Kit is an interesting dude, so I was a little disappointed you didn't have much of him in here. Also: what does Naomi think of him? She was all coy when she first met him, and now... they're best friends?
Well. I think that's all I got for now. Keep it up, KayLou!
I'll see ya around
~rosette