Of Illnesses And Antidotes - Chapter One

by KayLou1609

Published August 27, 2017

12+ Language

In Of Illnesses And Antidotes

10 years later

***

"Child zero-six-four-three-three-zero, please report to Dr Warren's lab."

The mahogany door swings open and a glum, dark-haired boy traipses out. Stepping forward, I grasp the brass handle, twist it and push against the door. Slipping through the void in the doorway, I head into the room and the door slams shut behind me.

Four whitewashed walls enshroud the laboratory from prying eyes, its secrets still classified. Elmwood cupboards march along the entire width of the back wall, on both the bottom sector and top, leaving a blank strip of bright white paint in the middle. Adorning its adjacent walls are shelves stacked with hefty books, many of which are caked in dust, and maps of the human body's anatomy. No photographs. No paintings. No personalised touches that supply comfort to a room that many people dread to visit.

Pressed tightly against the wall I entered through are metal cabinets crammed with folders of various patients, most of which are still alive. Those of which that aren't remain at the back of the drawers, dog-eared and dusty and dying to be thrown away. Someone just hasn't been bothered to.

In the centre of the room is a reclining seat covered loosely with a thin, white, paper sheet. A large lamp stands beside it, its lens positioned directly over the headrest of the seat. On the other side of the seat is a plastic, white swivel chair, completing the lab's monotonous theme. Perched in the seat, is a middle-aged woman donning a large, white coat that’s slightly too big for her. Her straightened chestnut hair is pinned up into a messy bun, small strands escaping to frame her pale face. A constellation of faint freckles surrounds her nose, a pair of square, black-rimmed spectacles slowly sliding down it. Her soft, brown eyes are fixated on the clipboard she grasps with one hand. T00he other scribbles words down onto it, her lips parting slightly to mouth the words she writes. A moment later, she clips the pen to the top of the clipboard, places it down on a three-drawer cabinet next to her, pushes her glasses further up her nose and glances up at me. She smiles warmly.

"Morning, Naomi."

I return the smile and head towards her. "Good morning, Dr Warren."

She pats down on the reclining seat. "Come sit. I haven't seen you in a while."

I shake my head, smiling to myself, as I stride towards her. "Boy, you won't believe what I've been through."

Sitting down on the seat, I swing my legs around and relax back into it. Glancing over at her, I watch her open up a manila folder, a grim-looking photo of me paper-clipped to the cover as well as my number scrawled in thick marker pen next to it. Withdrawn from the folder, comes my recently updated medical record.

"Hmm." She frowns, slightly perplexed by the changes. "Your latest tests include an EMG and an NCV. Both show positive results, particularly the NCV: it shows a small loss of nerve. Unless, of course, you regained your nerve in a record three days." Her eyes flit up to look at me. "Want to tell me why you've had tests for Brachial Plexus Axonotmesis?"

I shrug. "It's no big deal."

"Hmph." She pushes her glass further up her nose once again. "Then let's begin."

"How's your day been?" I ask her as she washes her hands.

She raises her eyebrow. "It's nine-thirty in the morning, Naomi. I'm pretty sure I've only been up a couple of hours."

I smile sheepishly. "Sorry, my mind's all over the place."

"No worries. And to answer your question, I've had an excellent day so far; or, should I say, an excelled three and a half hours.” She chuckles lightly. “How's your day been?"

"Alright, I guess. Breakfast was dismal as usual."

"I see." She dries her hands. "Now, this won't hurt a bit."

"That's what they said last time. I ended up in a sick bay for two weeks with nerve damage."

She smiles wryly at me and gently tugs the sleeve of my jumpsuit up onto the ridge of my shoulder. "Well, they mustn't have been as skilled as I am." Dipping her index finger into a small, glass pot of ivory cream, she scoops up a blob the size of a pea and presses it softly into the stretch of skin concealing the deltoid.

"So it's not going to hurt?"

She looks up at me, raising her eyebrows. "When has it ever?"

Cleansing her hands in soapy water that reeks of coconut oil, she dries them on a flimsy paper towel then rolls up the sleeves of her white coat. Her fingers brush over an array of needles half filled with a clear liquid before stopping to grasp one right at the end of the row. She poises her hand. The sharp point of the needle slices through the air and into my deltoid muscle. One minute it's in my sight, the next minute my blood is being invaded with a medicine that overwhelms me with a sudden wooziness. I grimace.

Blinking several times, I glance to my shoulder and watch as a pinprick of scarlet blood trickles down towards my elbow. Looking up at her, she smiles at me and slaps a small, round plaster over the aperture embedded in my skin.

"Thanks, Dr Warren."

She smiles warmly at me. "No problem, Naomi." She rewashes her hands in the coconut lotion. "How have you been these past couple of weeks?"

"Meh." I shrug. "Nothing's really happened. Well, apart from the..." I pause. "How do you say it? Brachial Plexus Axonotmesis."

Dr Warren frowns. "Who was administering your medicine when they severed your axons?"

"Dr Quinn."

She sighs, tutting. "Marcus. I told them he wasn't ready yet but nobody listened to me. They were just so impatient to get a replacement after Dr Tennyson quit. It was meant to be so crucial to get a replacement quickly." She pulls a face and shakes her head in disbelief. "Oh, forget it. It was probably an accident. How is your arm, anyway?"

"Alright. What do you mean by Marcus...Dr Quinn isn't ready yet?"

"He's too young. He hasn't earned enough qualifications to register him as a proper doctor suited to these facilities."

"Then why hire him?" I frown. "It doesn't make sense."

Dr Warren shrugs. "Like I said: they were desperate for a replacement."

“Surely there would’ve been a more qualified doctor available. Dr Quinn isn’t the only doctor in the world.”

“A position like this is controversial, Naomi,” Dr Warren says. “It’s a very well-paid, prestigious role, but the cost in terms of the work doesn’t appeal to a great deal of doctors. Most doctors in fact.”

“Why not?”

Dr Warren smiles. “That’s for me to know and you to find out.”

“That’s unfair.”

“That’s life, I’m afraid.”

I roll my eyes. “Life’s boring. It’s the same every minute of every hour of every day of every year that passes by.”

Dr Warren mutters something under her breath, which sounds similar to, “Wait until you’re eighteen.” But then again, I cannot be too sure.

Standing up, I roll my sleeve down again. "See you later, Dr Warren. Have a good day."

"You too. Oh, and Naomi."

I turn around, just as I reach the door. "Yes?"

"Be careful." Her forehead is creased with stress lines. "Try not to get into trouble."

I grin. "Since when do I ever?"

Dr Warren puts her hands on her hips and raises an eyebrow, purposefully. “Go on, before you get me fired for idleness.”

Turning around, I drag the door open and exit the lab. The minute I step foot into the corridor, another boy darts past me and through the narrowing gap in the doorway, his number drowned out by the sound of the door slamming shut. Rolling my eyes, I head down the corridor towards the pharmacy.

"Hey, Nay! Did the doctor kill your other arm?"

Glancing to my left, I catch sight of Michael and his cronies, loitering around the back of the queue to Dr Warren's lab, the three of them smirking at me.

"Oh, go screw yourself," I snap, glaring at them. "At least my medicine didn't cause my dick to get inflamed." Michael's grin drops off his face. My grin resurfaces.

“How did you-“

“Ask Charlie.” I nod at the tall, lanky boy on his right. He takes a step back, concealing himself behind Michael, but not before I catch a glimpse of his reddened cheeks. “I’m pretty sure when I asked the four hundred and ninety-six people who had told them, his name came up somewhere along the line.”

Michael’s face grows stormy. He pivots around to face a cowering Charlie. Smiling smugly, I turn on my heel and stride away from them. Rounding a corner, I halt beside a sandy door with a bold PRIVATE sign tacked to it. Slipping in through the side-door, I head into the pharmacy.

The pungent odour of disinfectant hits me like a slap to the face, overpowering my senses and leaving me nose-blind. Wrinkling my nose, I shake my head and stride down the aisles of antidotes and antibiotics, humming quietly to myself. Entering a box room at the back of the pharmacy, I grab myself an apron and throw it over myself. Fumbling with the strings, I cross the room to find a surgical mask and eventually manage to tie it around my waist. I seize a mask and gently hook it over my ears, fixing it into position over my mouth. Glancing into a mirror, I smile at how professional I look. Not that I can see my smile; I just take the word of my muscles, hoping they pulled back the corners of my mouth into a cheerful expression.

"You're early."

Spinning around, I face a middle-aged woman standing in the doorway. A short bob of ginger hair bounces off her shoulders, granting her a youthful expression. However, I can see clearly through that, into her real age. Her grey eyes sparkle and her eyebrows are raised in surprise. She folds her arms and leans gently against the door frame.

"Dr Warren doesn't like to keep her patients waiting."

A smile breaks out onto her face. "How are you, Naomi?"

"Good, thanks, Dr Craig. And you?"

"Oh, you know." She shrugs. "Every day's been the same since adulthood. Enjoy your youth while you can."

"Why do you say that?" I ask curiously. "We're told being an adult is one of the most rewarding things in the world."

"And why do you think that?" Dr Craig queries.

"I don't think it. I believe it. There's a difference."

"Okay, then why do you believe it?"

"Well, adults get everything. Jobs, money, a family, children..." I trail off. "If any of us ever actually get that.”

“And why do you say that?” Dr Craig asks in surprise.

“These illnesses.” I shrug. “If none of us are cured, I’m guessing we’ll never enjoy the luxury of adulthood.” I sigh, then smile cheerfully. “Got to remain optimistic, eh? Anyway, what have we got today?"

"Marcia needs some help with measuring out the doses. I told her you'd help her out. Is that okay?"

"Anything's okay if it doesn't involve killing my other arm. I've had enough of this one being an inconvenience."

Dr Craig smiles warmly. "You know, Naomi, I've never seen a child with spirits so high as yours."

"And why do you say that, Dr Craig?"

She remains silent for a moment or two, contemplating my question. "I guess it's nice, not to have everyone moping around, complaining about their miserable life."

"Well, it's like you said, Dr Craig. We have to enjoy our youth while we can."

Comments & reviews · 5
User avatar
rosette
Review
rosette wrote a review Review · Sep 21, 2017

Hi KayLou! :)

Yeah, I know, right. What's wrong with me, taking so long to finally get around to reading this chapter?
*whispers* I have a busy life.
Seriously.

But, ahh, I understand things so much better now that I've read this chapter - as well as the prologue. I see you still want some mysteries to remain mysteries, such as why they're all here, though you have dropped in little hints: None of these people have been cured from their illnesses and they are to to remain here until they are - or until they're eighteen - is what I'm assuming.

But a few thoughts here:
I didn't see you give Naomi's age in the prologue, so I'm wondering just how old she is. Was she old enough then to remember a lot of details now? Though... if she were, wouldn't she be thinking on that in these following chapters? And like, her perspective toward where she is and what's going on would be quite altered because these dudes that brought her here kind of killed her dad. Surely she had to remember that. I suppose I just don't understand why little thoughts and memories of that haven't been mentioned. There was the locket scene in Chapter 4, but it was quick and you didn't really elaborate on it.

When I read about Michael and his cronies, I have to admit, I was surprised. Who are these guys? They're not mentioned in the following chapters, so I'm getting the feeling they're not that important. And yes, this confirms a question I had when I first began reading this novel. There are boys in this facility! Where are they staying, then? (besides the obvious fact that well, they're here!) You don't mention the boys' dormitory or whatever at all. Goodness, even when Naomi is at breakfast, it's only girls she talks to. She doesn't have any... guy friends?

Anyhow.
This was great to read. Now that I understand Naomi's history a little better, hopefully, I'll understand your following chapters WAY better.
Keep it up, and I'll see ya around.

cheers!
~rosette

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User avatar
PastelSlushie
Review
PastelSlushie wrote a review Review · Sep 5, 2017

Hello again, KayLou1609, PastelSlushie here for review number seven for #RevMo ! Let's get right into it!

I believe I have read the prologue to this a while back when it was first published here, and as I'm too lazy to read back through it, some points I make may be wrong. Please correct me if I make a wrong point, statement, or a question that was answered in the prologue.

On to the actual story itself, I found it hard to go along with because of it being in present tense. There is nothing wrong with using such tense, but it is hard for present tense to go smoothly with a story, and this chapter didn't click with it much.

Another complaint of mine is how I don't know really anything about Naomi. Yes, this is the first chapter and I don't have to know every single thing about her, but I can't think of her, I don't really care about her right now. A personality doesn't seem to be set down yet, so, to me, she just seems like a name on a screen right now. But, this is the first chapter, and you have multiple chapters ahead of you for me to know about her, so I'll give a benefit of a doubt.

The description at the beginning of the chapter was really something I enjoyed. In fact, it was one of my favorite parts of the chapter. It brings nice imagery to the table and I can play out a nice scene of what is going on in my head.

I really can't say much else about the chapter, so I'll end the review here.Feel free to send me a message if you have any questions or disagree with anything in my review. Best of luck in your future pieces,

Pastel

User avatar
Dulcet
Review
Dulcet wrote a review Review · Sep 2, 2017

Hey KayLou, I'm here to review this piece, if you don't mind. I only skimmed through the prologue, so I'm sorry if I've missed anything important. I also apologise in advance if this review isn't very helpful, but I'll get straight into it.

Specific Points

"Child zero-six-four-three-three-zero, please report to Dr Warren's lab."


You may want to write the code name as '064330' instead of as words. It's not particularly important, but it's just easier on the reader to process the digits than the words.

The mahogany door swings open and a glum, dark-haired boy traipses out. Stepping forward, I grasp the brass handle, twist it and push against the door. Slipping through the void in the doorway, I head into the room and the door slams shut behind me.


A+ description, I'll say it right here. I looove your imagery; it's beautiful. I just want to point out that the second and third sentences have the same sentence structure, which can make this particular paragraph sound choppy. By 'same sentence structure', I mean both sentences go exactly like this: "verb-ing the object, I verb a thing and verb another thing." It's quite noticeable, but easily fixable.

In the centre of the room is a reclining seat covered loosely with a thin, white, paper sheet. A large lamp stands beside it, its lens positioned directly over the headrest of the seat. On the other side of the seat is a plastic, white swivel chair, completing[...]


Similar to the nitpick above, I got kind of tired near the end of this paragraph (and a few other places in this work), because all of the sentences - save for the last - are pretty long. It almost reads as if you're checking off a list of things to describe about this room... and lists, as we all know, are boring to read. Sprinkling in some short sentences here and there can give the reader a break from the monotony of long, complicated sentences.

(I've used the word 'sentence' too much, haven't I. D:)

He takes a step back, concealing himself behind Michael, but not before I catch a glimpse of his reddened cheeks. “I’m pretty sure when I asked the four hundred and ninety-six people who had told them, his name came up somewhere along the line.”


Perhaps I missed something, but who's 'them'? I'm also confused as to who the 496 people are and what they have to do with male appendages being inflamed, heh.

General Thoughts

- One thing I notice is that there's not much voice in the narration. I'd like to see the present tense first person be taken advantage of; not much of Naomi's personality shines through the narration. I don't get to hear her thoughts or see how she feels about things, which is one of the clear advantages the first person POV holds over the third or second person POV. This IS subjective though; I just think it's a wasted opportunity...

- ... especially when I don't really think anything about Naomi - I can't think anything about her just yet. There's just not much to her at the moment besides the glimpse of backstory we get in the prologue, but that doesn't describe her character - her personality, her behaviours, the way she thinks and feels - much to me. But, of course, I'm confident this'll change as I read more chapters and learn more about her.

- There's not much plot I see here, but that's fine since it's just the first chapter, and there's plenty of things that keep me reading, like the setting. I said it once, I'll say it again: your descriptions are dang wonderful. I can picture the setting so vividly I feel like I'm in the labs with Naomi.

- And of course, the main thing that's keeping my reading at this moment is the question of how Naomi ended up here, and what the Sanctuary's goal is. I mean, I assume this place's name is the Sanctuary; you mentioned it in the short description of this work, but not the chapter itself?

Aaaannnd that's it from me! I'd love to see where this story is going, so I'll be looking out for the next part. Again, I apologise if this wasn't helpful. If anything I said was confusing, please tell me and I'll explain it better.

Thanks for the great read, and keep up the good work! :)

ThemagicalEbonyFox wrote a review Review · Aug 27, 2017

Hello there. To celebrate review day I've decided to stop by. I won't talk much about grammar because MissGangamash handled that in her review, but hopefully you'll find my comments just as useful.
I loved this. Its like a combination of sci-fi and distopian fiction. The premise is appealing and intriguing, and welcomes lots of questions about Naomi's condition and the world she's in. I loved the characters, the setting, pretty much everything really. You've got real talent and I'm really looking forward to reading more.

Here's a few minor things I wasn't as fond of:
Firstly, Naomi is referred to as "child zero-six-four-three-three-zero" at the beginning of the piece. Naomi's number starting with a zero doesn't really make sense when you think about how the lab/pharmacy/hospital would classify patients, unless it's a code rather than a patient number. This is a very very very minor thing though so don't read too much into it.
Secondly, I found the story quite hard to follow because it was in present tense. It felt weird to hear Naomi describing her experiences and emotions as they happened. However, it did complement the sci-fi atmosphere and style, which I liked.
I read the prologue before reviewing this and I felt Naomi's character was very different. You could explain this with the fact that there is a ten year time difference, but because the readers don't know this and haven't witnessed her development it seems unnatural. I know these aren't major issues, but I hope the feedback is useful.
Overall great story, with lots of promise. Make sure you let me know when the next chapter is out, and I'll stop by for another review then. Keep up the good work.

User avatar
MissGangamash
Review
MissGangamash wrote a review Review · Aug 27, 2017

Happy review day!

I haven't read the prologue so bear with me.

I shall review as I read.

'The mahogany door swings open and a glum, dark-haired boy traipses out. Stepping forward, I grasp the brass handle,' - is the narrator the dark-haired boy? If so, this isn't the way you introduce a narrator. You've gone from 3rd to 1st person. And if it isn't the narrator... this is very confusing.

'Adorning its adjacent walls are shelves stacked with hefty books, many of which are caked in dust, and maps of the human body's anatomy.' - this sentence doesn't read right. Do you mean the maps are also covered in dust? If so, this sentence just needs re-arranging.

'T00he other scribbles words' - I think that's just a mistake.

Ah, now I know the narrator is a girl. The first sentence is still a little jarring.

The "Hmph' is a little weird. I'd say either cut it out or describe the noise she makes if its important.

'should I say, an excelled' - excellent.

'"So it's not going to hurt?"

She looks up at me, raising her eyebrows. "When has it ever?"' -Naomi just said that she ended up in the sick bay last time so this exchange doesn't make sense. It did hurt last time.

"Meh." I shrug.' - the 'meh' is redundant and just doesn't flow.

"You too. Oh, and Naomi." - should be a question mark at the end.

Aaaaaand finished.

Okay, first off, the start of this chapter was a bit too crammed with description to the point where it was a little dull. Unless your character is like super smart and has a photographic memory and has to store every little detail of everything, knowing exactly what the room she's in looks like isn't that important. You could have just said it was a doctors office with some dusty books on the shelves and I'd have imagined the same thing.

Okay, now Naomi's character is very flimsy. Is she purposefully different in the interactions with the doctors? Because with Dr Warren she's complaining that life is dull and boring and then with Dr Craig she's all spritely and hopeful. If it is on purpose, let the readers know that. Is she plastering on an act as she's speaking to one of the two doctors? If so, tell us! Then we know what the hell is going on.

All in all, I think you have a good idea for a novel - some sort of illnesses are killing people off before they reach adolescence..? But this chapter needs a lot of work.

I hope this helps :)



It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.
— Mark Twain