I sat in the little tree house my father had built years ago it was nothing but rotting wood now. My pants and shirt were soaked with tears i've never felt this much sadness before and it hurt in so many ways. My father did not approve of me any more I have truly been a disappointment. I was confused and lost I wanted Timothy to be here with me he was all I could think of at this point, my affection towards him was strong and that's what confuses me, is it wrong to like a boy?.. I started to cry again, filling the tree house with soft sobbing.
"Master Joseph someone is here to see you" said one of the maids.
"Not now" I snapped.
"But he seems very determined to see you sir."
"Fine send them up."
I waited for a response but got nothing I went back to my sobbing I felt so pathetic sitting by myself I heard someone enter but I didn't move. I felt a poke at my shoulder I looked up to see Timothy the sadness I felt almost entirely went away I pulled him into a hug.
"Joseph what's the matter have you been crying?" he asked his face full of concern.
I wiped the tears from my face and stared at him.
"My father doesn't approve." I simply said.
"Approve of what?"
I let him go and took a deep breath.
"I told my father something that he didn't like he says I am a disgrace to our family name and that it is me who will ruin his reputation" I cried.
"What did you tell him" he asked.
"I can't tell you my father doesn't want me to talk about it."
Timothy leaned in on me, our faces nearly touching I blushed a little.
"Your father is not here now is he so please tell me" he begged.
"I-I Can't he will be upset." Timothy sighed.
The tree house was filled with silence for what seemed like forever I stared at him his eyes scanned the tree house then went back to me I blushed again and turned away from him. I wanted to be in his arms but what if my father saw the it would be the end of me I suddenly found myself crying again it hurt knowing that I couldn't have him. I buried my face in my knees I felt a gentle touch on my hand I lifted my head to see Timothy he gave me a warm smile
"You know if you tell me you will feel better."
"I can't, I'M afraid" I said softly.
Timothy scooted closer to me he pulled me into a hug, I lost it at that moment I wish I could just look him in the eyes and say "I like you",but I'm scared of rejection. I wrapped my arms around his neck and we sat there for a few moments until he let me go.
"Do you want to talk about it now?" he whispered. I nodded.
I took in a deep breath and tried my best to hold back my fears, Timothy smiled warmly at me, I don't want to loose him. I closed my eyes for a split second and then opened them, I turned to him and opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out at first.
"Is it wrong to like.." I paused for a second and then whispered "A boy?"
He stared at me in confusion then quickly smiled again. "of course not there's nothing wrong with that..why are you asking me that?". I gulped at his words, how was I going to respond to him, why is this so hard guess this is what coming out of the closet feels like.
"N-no reason" I stamped, Timothy laughed.
"Don't lie to me Joseph" he said as he stood up and headed towards the window he pulled it up and rested his body on the paling.
" have you ever liked a boy?"
"if your refering if i'm gay or bisexual? i'm bisexual and yes I have liked a boy."
I was relieved to hear these words knowing this made me feel a bit better, I stood up and walked over to him. I sat down next to him and looked up out at the sky, dark clouds began to form in the sky, I shivered a storm iI thought to myself I never liked storms.
"looks like I might be here for a while" Timothy smirked a huge smile spread across his face as rain suddenly began to pour down, thunder road in the sky and I let out a squeal.
"Timothy what if I said there was a boy out there who liked you?" he turned to me and smiled.
"What boy?" he asked devilishly I blushed intensely and turned away from him, he suddenly moved from his spot and was now sitting directly in front of me.
"Could you maybe describe him to me?" he stared at me long and hard....his smile was now twisted into a evil smirk. My face was really red now and I couldn't even look at him anymore, I suddenly felt his and on mine and he turned my head.
"Well?"
I swallowed the lump in my throat "Well he um...he uhhhh" I was a nervous wreck I was sweating buckets by now and he just kept smirking at me like this was some game to him. I pulled my head away from his, I know what he was doing, he was toying with me trying to make me look stupid typical of him.
"Well if it's the boy I have a feeling you're talking about I like him to"
my eyes widened a bit I wasn't sure if we were both on the same page or not, did he know I was talking about myself liking him, or does he think I really mean someone else. these thoughts replayed in my head over and over like a song stuck on repeat. The treehouse went silent except for heavy breathing and rain beating down, more thunder shook the tree house. I jumped and found myself in Timothy's arms, I quickly moved but he pulled me back. he was so warm , like toast fresh from the toaster and I, the butter. I looked up at him and he looked down at me, time seemed to stop at this point and I never wanted this to end. his hand was placed softly on my head and I was wrapped around his waist. He did mean me..why else would he be holding me like this, I just wanted to hear him say it.
"Joseph do you like me?" he asked as he held me closer, this was my moment now I was no longer scared of rejection.
"yes" I said quietly, he smiled and lowered his head to my ear and whispered very softly "I like you too" with that he tilted my head up and kissed me softly. My heart raced, my world, everyone and every sound seemed to disappear and now it was just me and him in my little treehouse, away from all the hate, the horrible words and people. We broke the kiss and sat there for a moment I didn't really know what I was suppose to do now but I really didn't care.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,855 Reviews
Helo KawaiiPopcorn! It's the WritingWolf popping a little bit of light (yet it's raining outside) on this story.
It's a good concept. It's something that is realistic and easy to grab onto, which I appreciate. There were some things in the story that.. bothered me..
Grammar and punctuation were a constant problem. You forgot to capitalize some words, you could have broken some sentences in half with periods, you were missing commas, etc. If you wrote this a while ago like you said and you were in middle school, I understand, but go back in and fix.. all of that..
Something else is that I feel like this is kind of.. a predictable story line. It's something that us as readers have seen before. Which isn't necessarily a BAD thing, but it doesn't sound original enough. You could have changed the story line along SOME how. Add some plot twist in somewhere that puts on a whole new level of creativity. Example:
Even here, you could add something. What if you were to have had Timothy actually be a horrible person and reject him in the end? Or maybe when they're about to kiss make him be like "APRIL FOOLS!" Add SOMETHING in there that keeps us as readers feeling more emotions.
This story has a lot of potential to go somewhere else. Don't forget that at all. It's a good story, but originality is key. Keep up the good work!
~Writing Wolf
Helo KawaiiPopcorn! It's the WritingWolf popping a little bit of light (yet it's raining outside) on this story.
It's a good concept. It's something that is realistic and easy to grab onto, which I appreciate. There were some things in the story that.. bothered me..
Grammar and punctuation were a constant problem. You forgot to capitalize some words, you could have broken some sentences in half with periods, you were missing commas, etc. If you wrote this a while ago like you said and you were in middle school, I understand, but go back in and fix.. all of that..
Something else is that I feel like this is kind of.. a predictable story line. It's something that us as readers have seen before. Which isn't necessarily a BAD thing, but it doesn't sound original enough. You could have changed the story line along SOME how. Add some plot twist in somewhere that puts on a whole new level of creativity. Example:
Even here, you could add something. What if you were to have had Timothy actually be a horrible person and reject him in the end? Or maybe when they're about to kiss make him be like "APRIL FOOLS!" Add SOMETHING in there that keeps us as readers feeling more emotions.
This story has a lot of potential to go somewhere else. Don't forget that at all. It's a good story, but originality is key. Keep up the good work!
~Writing Wolf
Hi!
Your description hooked me because I am really into this kind of short stories, so here I am for a review!
Stegosaurus had talked about the grammatical problems so I am not going to repeat too much except for the following section, but you really need to re-read the whole work again and fix them because they are confusing and do affect understanding in some places, so I suggest you better fix them soon.
It is not always good to place adverbs after verbs because it causes sentences to flow sluggishly. In this section you used four already. Moreover, you could check the punctuation to see if they are in the right place, especially the full-stops.
By the way some paragraphs are rather lengthy and I suggest breaking them up. Just a suggestion though.
I must compliment you on describing the feelings and emotion successfully with perfect accuracy. You can trust me because I knew what I am talking about. (winks) I really adore the simple and frank way they talked, which just makes them even cuter. (OK- I am rambling but it will end soon.) Making characters likable is what I always struggle to accomplish, but you have done a good job here.
The development of the plot was good in the middle but somehow it felt a little bit awkward from the beginning. Perhaps you could describe how Timothy ended up there, and how Joseph was rejected approval of his sexual orientation. The beginning seemed too abrupt for this work.
Another thing I find rather abrupt was in fact the ending. The development was strong and I love their final dialogues, but the ending could have been further explored because right now it is not truly satisfying enough yet.
I have to say this again but the characters themselves are truly cute and adorable. Just remember to fix the a. grammar items, and b. the start and the end, and you will be in a good place.
So...goodbye for now before my heart is broken by this couple can actually be together...
Keep writing!
Hello!
Stegosaurus here for a review! (also adorable username)
This is a good short story and I could somewhat relate-- well, my friend can who is gay and came out somewhat after my birthday. Anyway, this seems to have a lovely message (as most short stories should) and I enjoy the characters you have in here. How onto reviewing:
Even though this is a lovely beginning, there are some mistakes that could use some corrections.
This seems to be a run-off or a sentence without a comma (this is a common mistake with most writers, I, being one
Don't forget to capitalize the 'i'
I have two things I like to suggest here:
1.) punctuation
2.) my father didn't approve of me anymore. I was a disappointment.
I made the changes in bold. The reasons are that "truly" is a pronoun and pronouns are used to make place for a noun (or better yet, not to repeat the noun). The form you used doesn't seem to be correct as since it is a pronoun with no noun. Also it loosely goes back to disappointment as saying "truly a disappointment" however deleting it is best since it can be easier to read and make more sense.
This paragraph is filled with answers to some questions. For one, I am guessing Tim is the narrator's crush? His father isn't accepting him since he is Christian or something. Yet as the short story continues, the boy changes (which is good ^^) Another thing I see, when reading throughout this short story, they come together (I feel like that is a good character step into a good relationship ^^). However, a thing I like to suggest, would be try re-reading this since some parts seem a little off. For every work you try to write, re-read a little part of it ^^
Overall, this was a good short story. I feel you should re-read your work to make corrections yourself when you read it, so it can be easier to read when other people read it. If you want me to go over anything, let me know!
Steggy