Heartbreak

by KattieCurtis

Published July 29, 2011

As I cuddled into my cotton sheets,
I pulled my knee's tight, close to me.
I promised there, to myself
that I would not cry, I would not weep.

I was stronger than this, I had to be
but I cannot stop this pain I feel.
My eyes are tired and my heart aches,
I wish this pain would take a break.

Comments & reviews · 5
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KattieCurtis
Comment
KattieCurtis commented Comment · Jul 29, 2011

I shall get working on making it longer ;) Thank you, I agree it needs more to it, an explanation and reason, I know why I wrote it and what made me write it but I never explained it, but i will. Thank you it really helps! :D x x

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cyancheshire
Review
cyancheshire wrote a review Review · Jul 29, 2011

I love this. Very gentle and strongly emotional. You should add more to it - why did she have her heart broken? Who broke her heart? Was it love that broke it? I really really love this. I also love how you had her hug her knees - a physical verb that gives a lot of emotion. Great job!

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GeeLyria
Review
GeeLyria wrote a review Review · Jul 29, 2011

Hi again, Kattie.

I must say you have some great talent. Like good poems, yours flow and to me that's very important, no matter if it rhymes or not. :) I would like to see this a bit longer, though. I was like waiting to hear more. But this is great, and that's a true fact.

I just found some missing commas and I wanted to point them out. I know it's annoying, but I can't help watching orphan commas and doing nothing about it, I always want to give them a home, you know... :\ LOL.

KattieCurtis wrote:As I cuddled into my cotton sheets,
I pulled my knee's tight, close to me.


KattieCurtis wrote:I was stronger than this, I had to be,
but I cannot stop this pain I feel.


KattieCurtis wrote:My eyes are tired, and my heart aches,
I wish this pain would take a break.


There. Finito! :D Great job, friend. Hope to see more from you! <3

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lele253isme
Review
lele253isme wrote a review Review · Jul 29, 2011

I love the rhymes in your poem, soft and very poetic. I also like the image of a sad girl, her heart broken, comforting herself. This is a very good poem. It would be better with a few more stanzas going into the story of why she has a broken heart. That would be good. I like reading it, anyway, even without the extra stanzas. Good job, and keep on writing!!!!



Follow your passion. Stay true to yourself. Never follow someone else's path unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path. By all means, you should follow that.
— Ellen DeGeneres