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125,009 Literary Works • 672,837 Reviews
Hi, PenNPaper here to review!
A comma should follow after 'all', and if that's the case 'He' should be 'he'.
Okay, good story here, descriptions are a tiny weeny little. I just don't feel the scene as much as I should be. Also describe the setting at the TV.
Well that's all for the pinpoints and all that, have fun writing!
I'm guessing there's a reason you made this short. Not much happened but that doesn't matter.
Huh? What reporter? Was this mentioned earlier and I missed it? And:
How does he know when the reporter is coming? Or is that someone else?
As you can see I'm slightly confused. Your writing style is clear and enjoyable most times. But you're not telling us readers enough about David's world. What is going on here? Is there some kind of dispute between two groups? Where and what is his work?
I'm hoping this will all tie together soon. Keep up the good writing!
~ Crazy