Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.
That having been said:
Thanks for sharing this poem which focuses on the wonders of night brought about by sleep and the wonder of a dawning day. I like the happy tone of the poem. Too often poetry seems to delve on the somber side of life. So this is a refreshing change which doesn’t make me feel as if everyone should be rushing off somewhere to blow his brains out or hang himself from the highest tree branch. So the excitement that is striving to be conveyed about nighttime and sleep is really appreciated.
As a reader, though, I couldn’t see the wonders, unknowns, mysteries, and wild things mentioned. So I was left craving for some description. Nothing lavish or complicated, just something concrete for the mind to latch on to and to visualize.
Suggestions:
The poem can be improved by adding specific details.
Close your eyes into another world [Where what happens?]
Travel to places unknown [Such as?]
Mysteries abound in the moonlight [Example please.]
Wild things go on by the stars. [Such as?]
The morning will come glorious, [Glorious how?]
Marvel at the morning beauty [Describe it for us.]
See the world wake up [sounds, songs of birds, ]
For night is alive. [How?]
Good night to one and to all. [Repeating that first line seems to me a nicer way to end the poem.]
All in all a very pleasantly soul-refreshing read. Look forward to reading more of your work.
Points: 664
Reviews: 841
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