Road To Destruction
Prologue
School is starting tomorrow, and I am super excited!!! I am FINALLY going to be in High School!!! 
I decided that I am most definitely going to change my look up a bit. I no longer have the braces, and I have contacts, plus my body has a little less of the puberty awkwardness to it. This is going to be my year! I need to make a good impression on these people. I mean, I DO have to go to school with them for the next 4 years! I can't wait! Samantha Davis thought. " I just want to be different" I said before I grabbed my $380 out of my piggy bank and left to go shopping.
Chapter 1
I got up at 6:30am , like every morning, and I put on some of my new clothes that I bought. I looked HOT! and I went downstairs. I am so glad that my parents work really early because I KNOW that my mom would literally die of a heart attack if she saw what I was wearing. I am not wearing anything too bad. I am just wearing super low rise jeans and a lacy tank top with a pink Hollister polo on top. It's nothing that would get me kicked out of school. They help show off my figure a little better. It's awesome, but when I brother came downstairs he about shot me. But there is nothing he can do about it. Max is 16 and he is a junior. He is popular and according to all the girls, he is hot too, i guess. To me, he is just my dorky, over protective brother.
When we got to school, Max got out of the car, and began to walk away.
"Max, what are you doing?" I said as I was getting my backpack out of the backseat.
"No guy wants to be seen walking with his freshman sister. So, see you later, sis. But if you do have any problems you know my number. Text me anytime. bye!"
And he was gone. Great! Then I began walking up to the school.
"Samantha! There you are! FINALLY!" I heard someone shout, and I turned around just in time to get almost tackled my by best friend Lindsey. Lindsey Shaw has been my Best Friend sense the fourth grade when I stood up for her when someone stole her pink barbie lunchbox. We were inseparable ever sense.
"heyyy Lindsey. How was your summer?"I said back as she got off of me and we began walking up the steps to Grant High School.
"Well, it was AWESOME! Too bad you couldn't go to bible camp with me in Maine! You would have LOVED it!" Lindsey said as we walked up to the table with the lists of our homerooms on it.
"Oh. Well. I had fun here too."(not really but what does she have to know) "Maybe next summer. Who do you have for homeroom? I have Mrs. Johnson..hmm." I said looking at the lists.
"I have Mr. Morgan. Oh, well, maybe we will have homeroom together next year." Lindsey said with a smile. The one thing that I absolutely can't STAND about Lindsey is that she is WAY too optimistic about EVERYTHING and she is ALWAYS happy. I hardly EVER see her cry or upset.
"Uhh, excuse me. Can you please move I need to see the list." He said.
"Ohh. Sorry. Yeah, I-I was just uh. Going to find my l-locker." I said as I turned around, and looking up at the hottest person that I had EVER seen.
"Yeahhh. Whatever" He said.
"Omg! He is sooo hot! Do you know who that is?" I said as Lindsey and I walked away and I snuck another glance.
"Ew. He is gross. He is like Gothic. Did you totally change your type of guy over the summer or something?" Lindsey said with a disgusted look on her face.
"No, I think it just shifted. Oh man." I said.
"Well, you don't need guys. A statistic is that 13% of teens don't date in High School. Be that 13%. Save yourself until marriage." Lindsey said.
"Are you serious? It's dating. It's not like I am going to have sex with the guy." I said. Even though that would be nice.
"Yeah, but once you start dating an older guy, and you guys start off holding hands, that leads to hugging, then kissing, then sex. It's not good. Just stay away from temptation." Lindsey said while we walked down the hallway.
"Your crazy. You know that. Well. here's room 207 Mrs. Johnson's room. Bye!" I said as I stepped into the class room.
"Everyone take a seat." Mrs. Johnson said. I scan the room for a place to sit, and that is when I see her. She is everything I wanna be. So, I walk to the open desk next to her and sit down.
"Hi, I am Samantha. What's your name?" I said with is a smile as I sat down.
"Ha. yeah....... I'm Liz" she said... eyeing me up and down.
"Are you a freshman here too?" I said
"....Yeah. I just moved here..." she said barely looking up.
"That's cool."I said.
" Okay, class. You are all officially freshmen! I am Mrs. Johnson....." and that is when I blanked out. All I could think about was Liz and how I wanted to be her friend!
***
"Samantha! There you are! So, How was homeroom?" Lindsey said as she ran to catch up to me. "Um, it was just homeroom, we didn't do anything except get our schedules" I said ask I took another quick look at my schedule. "Really? Awesome! Let me see!" Lindsey exclaimed and grabbed the paper out of my hands. Wow, rude much? "So, there is this new girl. Her name is Liz. She seems pretty cool." I said as i picked at my already down to the skin fingernails. Man, I have to break this stupid habit. "Oh, cool! You should introduce me to her! Then we ALL can be Best Friends!" Lindsey said smiling as she glanced up from looking at my schedule "We have 3rd hour Science, 6th hour P.E and 8th hour study hall together. Plus we both have A lunch!" she said as she handed me my schedule. "coooool...AH! There he is again!" I said as I say *HIM* walking our way down the hallway. "Who?" Lindsey said looking around down the hallway. "*Him*!"I said with a smile as he passed me, barely glancing at me. "Who? I don't see a *Him* anywhere!" Lindsey said with a confused look on her face. "ahh never mind." I chuckled as I enter into 1st hour Health.
There she is again! Wow! "Hey, your name's Liz, right?" I said trying to sound more confident. "What do you Wan- Yeah, I'm Liz. You're Sam,right?" Liz said as she looked up from her notebook and saw me standing there with my hands on my hips and a slight smirk on my face. "Yeah, I'm Samantha, actually." I say with a slight smile. "Oh, Well, I am gonna call you Sam. Take a seat" Liz said as she moved her bag from the desk next to her and set it on the floor. "So, where did you move here from?" I asked Liz as I sat down, and took out my notebook. "St. Paul, Minnesota." Liz said. "Oh, I see. Cool." I said, still trying to keep my composure. "Yeah, I guess. So what's the deal with everyone here?" Liz asked. "Oh, well, some people here are pretty cool, others....not so much." I said trying not to make a fool of myself. "Oh. Any good parties?" Liz asked as she turned to face me. "Parties?....Y-yeah. Tons of parties." I said with a slight smile. C'mon Samantha! Get ahold of yourself! Don't blow this! "Sweet. So, is there any this weekend?" Liz asked "Uhhh. I don't know yet. I mean, it is Monday and I usually don't find out about parties until Thursday or Friday. So I will let you know if i hear of any." I said smiling. "You better" Liz said with a slight smile. and the she turned around to face the teacher. Oh My Gosh! Did she just smile! Was that a smile of approval? OH MAN! 'kay, don't freak out Samantha. Keep your cool. You totally got this!
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
1. Take off the "and".
2. You switched tenses here, and you later switched again. Pick one and stick with it.
3. All sentences start with capital letters. Paste it in word - it'll help you check. Mostly, anyway. The dialogues - you have to check those yourself.
4. Since, not sense. And "..just in time to get almost tackled by my.." doesn't flow well. Remove the italics.
5. Barbie, not barbie. It's a name, see.
6. Get rid of italics and brackets.
7. Comma instead of fullstop. "I said" should be suceeded by a comma.
8. Same here.
I'm not done, as you can see. I need my beauty sleep, though. It's almost 3.00 a.m. here. PM me and pester for my review - I don't like leaving things incomplete.
Cheers,
Lily.
first of all I think this story has potential, if you polish it up a bit. =]
Super excited? Is there not a better word...? Also, for an opening line it's pretty generic, consider something else. also, you don't need that many exclamation marks, any more than one or two and they lose all meaning.
You should consider not writing finally in capital letters, if you're trying to stress the point, writing not in italics should do, as the rest of it is in italics, it makes it clear that you're stressing that word.
I don't understand... you slipped in and out of third person POV there. Correct that.
Again, writing the words in italics would work just as well for stressing the word.
Okay, you've committed the dreaded info dump! Show us they're inseparable. The reader doesn't have to know peoples relationships right away, they usually become more apparent as time goes on. Also, why is it in italics...? That confused me.
Okay, new speaker/idea/ someone's response to what a different person said, new paragraph.
I'd go on, but I'd just be repeating what I sad before.
Overall
You've got a good solid base here, decent characters, a nice - if a bit clichéd - plot. With some work I'm sure this can be an excellent story. =] Feel free to PM me if you want me to explain any of the points I've made.
Edit: You're also supposed to have reviewed at least two things before posting.