Prologue - Back on Neutral Land
Unity Academy. How wonderful it is to arrive back to the place I’ve spent most of my youth. The large gates are silver, the bars entwining into swirls and shapes too complex to understand. I always admire these gates, the strong metal represents freedom in a way; to be free from the hatred surrounding the neutral land and to be free from the worlds expectations of a teenager. Get good grades, make friends, be ready for the future, and be prepared to follow in the footsteps of those you represent. You see, all those attending the Academy are here because it is the only chance we will really get to meet others until we come of age. After this year, I still have another, I’m turning seventeen soon and I’ll leave this place entirely when I’m eighteen, hopefully with some idea as to what I have to do.
Until then, we learn, we adapt, and we try to get along as best we can. Like we at the Academy have always done.
It has been about six weeks since I’ve seen these grounds, walked these paths that I’m so very used to and rather fond of. It’s odd to see new children walking near me, they look cautious and concerned and for good reason. No doubt they have an idea as to what kind of people stay at the school. We will remain here until the winter when we go home for a week, only to return and not leave again until July. It really is a long time when you think about it, the trick; don’t think about it, time will fly.
At the steps of my dorm there are girls screaming as they see their friends that they probably saw less than a week ago... Urgh... The stone steps are always shining as are the pillars that hold up the cover above the door of Jenkins Hall; my living quarters of the last four years. Oh the joy.
I open the door to see the usual group of misfits I share my dorm with, all sat around the small table in the middle of the living area with the radio playing quietly in the background, they chat about the summer fun they had and most likely shared with various other members of the school. Eddie is the first to see me,
“Look who’s back!” He exclaims with a grin his teeth gleaming against his tan and black hair. Everyone looks in my direction knowing exactly who has walked through the door, of course Angela pounces and latches on to me. She is the opposite of Eddie; long blonde hair that cascades down her shoulders, her skin pale and clashing with her red lips. These people have no need for cosmetics.
“Tabitha!” wailing into my ear as she clutches onto me, the small audience laughs and one by one begin to join us leaving a group of people laughing into each other’s hair, the six of us slowly break apart.
I’ve spent four years with these incredible people, we’ve been through so much together and I couldn’t imagine better friends at all; the memories we’ve shared and the nights we’ve endured either with someone down, angry or just flat out annoyed and the rest of the gang just waiting until we think of something good enough to cheer them up. Some would say that we’re the popular kids, and that’s fine I guess. I mean we just stand out because of how different we are. The glowing complexion of the gorgeous Angela Redwood compared to the rugged and cheeky character that is Eddie Connor. You then have the twins; Zak and Ursula Checkworth, they look about the same really, the same brown hair, the same dark skin and the same eyes; one blue, one brown. Lastly you have Rei Maki, unusual long blond hair that covers most of his face; he’s one of the only Asians to attend Unity Academy for a reason no one really knows. But he’s smart, witty and charming needless to say; all the males in the dorm are in fact. Lastly you have myself, a short red head with freckles and oddly coloured eyes; of course, I stand out and am rather annoyingly, easily recognisable.
Of course as you can guess this isn’t exactly your everyday boarding school. This is a school based on Neutral Land. Meaning when we arrive back here we can’t be harmed like we all can when we go home. Home being either Heaven or Hell as known by the humans. We call them Abbadon and Nirvana; it’s just a nicer way of saying it I guess, I would personally prefer to admit I live in Abbadon than in Hell.
But that rather goes without saying, out of those staying in Jenkins Hall, the majority call home Abbadon; those people being Eddie, the twins and myself. Rei and Angela on the other hand call Nirvana the place of their families. I guess that is why people find us so odd. I mean, although this is meant to be a place of peace; the students very rarely mix let alone live together.
Although all of us are recognised rather often because of the power of our parents; believe me, we are treated differently due to our heritage; it is only Eddie; son of Azazel and myself who are recognised on a regular basis and dare I say feared by our class mates?
I am the daughter of Lucifer after all.
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Canary word: Present
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Hi Katie, I like this story because the detail put into the scenes and characters is incredible, I can imagine the pictures in my head. Also I like the theme your going for with using angels and fallen angels instead of normal people, I think it adds a good twist. I look forward to finding out more about the angels and fallen angels in the future. This is a great start to a story and you should be proud of it.
Hello KatieLou! First let me welcome you to YWS, hoping you'll enjoy it here as much as we all do!


So about your story, I'm not exactly a fan of paranormal/urban novels but your idea of mixing both Hell and Heaven seems interesting, as they are seen as two opposite identities.
There were a few nick-picks that I noticed.
- '...to be free from the world('s) expectations of a teenager.' If you use worlds it's like you have more than one world.
- '...are here because it is the only chance we will really(x) (ever) get to meet others until we come of age.' This is just a suggestion, it sounds better that way, I think.
-'No doubt they have an idea as to what kind of people stay (sounds like ther's something missing here) and the school.' You could use something like '...what kind of people attend this school.' Again just a suggestion.
-'...there are girls screaming as they see their friends that they probably saw less than a week ago... Urgh...' In here the interjection you use doesn't quite fit in. I guess you want to say she feels annoyed by the fact that the girls are all crazy by not seeing their friends for a week when Tabitha hasn't seen hers for six weeks. But, I don't think it sounds well because we don't know if Tabitha herself wouldn't do the same, because missing your friends is as normal as it is. Maybe you could add the word overreacting or something similiar, or have them express their reunion in an even more over the top way.
-'I open the door to see the usual group of misfits I share my dorm with all sat around the small table in the middle of the living area with the radio playing quietly in the background they chat about the summer fun they had and most likely shared with various other members of the school.' This kind of paragraphs is an absolute no no in novels! You should be carefull with punctuation. You need to at least add commas here and there or it will be too long and it won't make sense. Through this paragraph and forward on you have the same problem. You should reread it again and in loud voice, that way you'l have a more precise sense where the commas are missing.
-'... with freckles and oddly coloured eyes;' You should mention the color.
-'...Heaven or Hell...Abbadon and Nirvana.' You should have the names in the same order of their meaning, first Nirvana and then Abbadon, otherwise the reader is left thinking the exact opposite (even if you do clarify later).
Ok, hope this proves helpfull and hope to see more from you!
Keep writing!
Thank you so much! At the moment I'm just trying to get back into the swing of writing so I'll focus on all the little faults later on. Until then I'm just trying to explore how I can portray and describe the characters in a way I would want them to come across if I were reading this for the first time. Thank you again!
You're welcome!
First things first:
The title is amazing! "The Daughter of a Fallen Angel" has such a nice ring to it.
Now for the characters, so far they seem pretty interesting! I'm assuming they are angels and demons? I could be wrong on that lol.
As for the setting, the academy itself seems amazing and honestly? It seems like a type of school anyone would want to go to.
I'm pretty intrigued by her being Lucifer's daughter though.
Heya! I'm glad you like it so much considering how nervous I was when posting it! The characters themselves are the children of angels and fallen angels, I have no idea why, that's just how it played out in my mind! Haha. I'm just glad you seem to be enjoying it so far c: