thank you all very much for your help, and i think i'll try to switch things around, just to see what happens. and also, thankyou suzanne for that example, it really did help. 
What once was, now is not.
A heart left bleeding, bleeding,
to rot.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ok, let's try this again. (i'm just brainstorming here)
how about...
what once was is now not,
a heart left bleeding,
bleeding,
to rot.
annndd ope there goes my A.D.D. gotta go write another poem, check it out!
thank you all very much for your help, and i think i'll try to switch things around, just to see what happens. and also, thankyou suzanne for that example, it really did help.
What once was, now is not.
A heart left bleeding[s], bleeding,[/s]
to rot.
That poem was really good. It shows that you have talent by you being able to illustrate your emotions clearly and swiftly with so few words. It shows that poems don't have to be long, and drag to prove a point. The one thing I would add is telling what your heart is bleeding for so that the person who is reading the poem can truly connect with you.
Hello! I'm Colt!
This was a nice, short, sweet poem.
There are two ways you could go to improving it. The first way is changing a few words and keeping the length the same. Or you could add to the length with much more powerful words.
The second part of the first line slows the fluency down.
Instead of "now is not," I'd change it to "is now not." Helps flow. With the bleeding, change it or at least enter the second bleeding down a line.
For the rot part--I have a question. Why in the world didn't you put a simile there? Connect rot to something. (FYI, a simile is a comparison of two unlike words using like or as).
Beware of cliches with the bleeding.
Otherwise it was great! Congratulations! Sorry if I sound like a heavy reviewer, but good luck with your writing.
-Colt
Hey, i think this is interesting because it's so elliptic and mysterious, but I might suggest on reworking the shape of it, or maybe writing a second stanza, maybe give us more details, or other fleeting images.
The idea of a heart left bleeding is a tad unoriginal, maybe you could twist it to something more evocative?
These are all suggestions, please don't feel obliged to follow any of them.
I think this would be an interesting poem to work with in the graphical shape, think of it as a caligram maybe and try to set it out on the page in a way that brings it out more.
Maybe:
bleeding, a bleeding heart left to rot is more effective, I'm not sure.
I suggest you play around with it a bit more, it's missing something for the moment, something to make it really special.
The fact that you chose to use so few words forces you to make those words stronger and more evocative.
It's much harder than writing a seven stanza recitatif, and for being brave enough to write it this way, i heartily congratulate you!
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