Published January 26, 2010
Waves lap lightly at the shore,
attempting to reach a land that will never be theirs.
Marsh grass rustles in the evening air,
calming the starlings into rest for the night.
The sun steadily drops away,
leaving behind a golden pathway on the water.
Where it leads, only the wind knows,
never stopping for conversation
except on these slow summer nights.
If you stop and listen, you’ll hear of a place…
A place of no worries
and calming days removed of conflict.
A place of golden light
that soothes over fears and conquers nightmares.
A place of musical brooks
calling out to the dreams that sleep beneath common sense.
A place of trees, comforting and soft,
holding in the memories that threaten to overflow.
But as the sun sinks lower in the sky,
the pathway becomes harder and harder to find.
And the longer you wait,
the more likely the chance
that you’ll never find this place.
Carpe Diem
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141,413 Literary Works • 674,393 Reviews
Hi,
Welcome to YWS! I hope you like it here.
This flows really easily and your use of alliteration and sibilance makes it musical and compliments the imagery.
Your imagery is beautiful. I really love;
"Marsh grass rustles in the evening air,
calming the starlings into rest for the night."
and
"golden pathway on the water."
I much preferred the first four stanzas to the second half of the poem. I think it's more visual and more effective without directly stating the value of the beauty. I'd try to suggest it through your imagery rather than saying it outright in lines such as;
"If you stop and listen, you’ll hear of a place…
A place of no worries"
and
"And the longer you wait,
the more likely the chance
that you’ll never find this place."
Hope this helps.
Jas
Hi, there, and welcome to YWS. Now, on to my review of your poem.
So, this was very nice. It had a nice calming effect...and I felt like...hmm, peaceful. I could see this little island so clearly. This. Is. Great.
Keep it up.
Tata.
-Miss Mizz
Have a good day.
This was absolutely beautiful!It made me happy, and I really wanted to be in that place you were describing. Your imagery was magnificent,your meter lovely. Hm. I probably sound like a really flowery sap. But seriously. You are one talented chicky! Welcome to YWS!
--Dreamy