Young Writers Society

I am absolutely the worst person to critique ANYTHING.. but whatever. You don't mind now, do you?
This was amazingly cute and funny and random.. I loved every bit of it.
OH, and it was so easy to relate to! I, myself am engaged to a book.
Good job.

hai Kate =) You don't mean "bear" with you, do you?

This is very creative, and for a light, silly piece, quite good.

Even your rhyme scheme (and I'm very picky about rhyme) was pulled off, for the most part, successfully. A couple of notes in that area however:

"Then decided to eat a spud." ---> This line is so ridiculously out of place that it doesn't even fit with the light mood of the poem. It serves one purpose alone: to make a rhyme. And that will never do. You'll have to find a better word, or change the arrangement of the sentence above so you can rhyme with a different word.

"I was learning about Middle-Aged theft." ---> Another forced rhyme; it's not so blatant as the first one, but I would try to change this word as well so it fits better.



"I spotted a cat in the grass by the brook …" I don't think this ellipse should be here. It creates an inconvient pause which you don't need. I would replace it with a dash, like so:
"I spotted a cat in the grass by the brook—"


"I realized we were eating with Ms. Skinner.
Ms. Skinner was my teacher in second grade,
The one of whom everyone was afraid.
So I just stayed upstairs, in my big poofy chair,
Reading while I ate a pear.
When Ms. Skinner finally left," ---> this section, as it's written now, has absolutely nothing to do with the subject of the poem. It would be alright if it was only a couple of lines, but six lines, you need to make it connect with the subject of the poem.


Lastly, I'd suggest reading your poem out loud to check for any lines that interrupt the pace of the reading, or the smoothness of the lines.


For a light, humourous pieces, this was pretty good. It could just use a little tidying up; make sure everything in it is necessary to the subject, not just the rhyme scheme.


_Nam

Ha, ha, ha.
You're sooo funny.
No sarcasm is in my words.

It's A Masterpiece!

This is the funniest thing I've read in ages.

I can relate to you wanting to marry a book - I want to marry a poem now

As soon as I saw the title "Random Poem" I had to read it. It didn't dissapoint. It is perfect in every way.

This is really good! I've put some corrections in bold:

The History Textbook

I was coming home from school one day,

Passing the park where the children play.

Listening to the cute little birds,

Ignoring all the gifted nerds.

I spotted a cat in the grass by the brook …

When all of a sudden I tripped on a book! Don't you just hate that?

I fell in a puddle, dirty with mud,

Then decided to eat a spud.

When I got up I looked at the ground,

Mad because I had almost drowned.

I looked in front of me and there I saw

A history book, by: Louis McFlaw. The colon : doesn't need to be there

I picked it up, flipped through the pages,

Saw it was all about the Middle Ages!

As soon as I got to the door of my house,

My mother came out, with her bright purple blouse. She was carrying it? maybe you could say "in" instead of "with"

She let me enter, asked how I was,

Offered me some of her pink candy fuzz.

I took a handful and went upstairs,

Sat down in one of our big, poofy chairs.

I took out the textbook, still a bit damp,

Then turned on the tall orange lamp. This part doesn't flow very well. maybe you could try some different wording?

I opened the book to the very first page,

Read a bit and got very engaged.

Every inch of words fascinated me,

I read to page six hundred and three!

When my mom called me for dinner, This part doesn't flow very well either. it requires an awkward pause before "my"

I realized we were eating with Ms. Skinner. Change Ms. to Mrs. Just a hint!

Ms. Skinner was my teacher in second grade,

The one of whom everyone was afraid.

So I just stayed upstairs, in my big poofy chair,

Reading while I ate a pear.

When Ms. Skinner finally left,

I was learning about Middle-Aged theft. ??? I didn't know there a history book that talked about thievery in the Middle Ages...

My mom told me to go to bed,

But then I stayed up, and read instead. Aaahh, how I wish I could do that! unfortunately if I do, I can't get up the next morning.

From that point on, the book was my life,

We even married, became husband and wife. That would be awkward for your parents, I bet. XD

Then we lived happily forever,

Glad because we were always together.

Really, the only thing wrong with it was the rhythm, and that was basically it. Good job, it was really excellent and I enjoyed it as well! It was hilarious! X)