z
  • Home

Young Writers Society


12+

The Meet Cute: Behind The Scenes Edition Part Two

by KateHardy


Vankous groaned from the front. "Keep your love energy surges under control Kate, some of us get blinded."

"Sorryy. It wasn't on purpose. Its all you guys' fault really. It was a big moment in the timeline."

"Wait what? That?" Chud mostly looked confused at this point.

Kate just winked. "Time is a funny beast."

"And you like making yourself sound mysterious."

There was a moment of slightly awkward silence before Vankous could be heard exploding with laughter followed closely by Tappu and James. Even Ray cracked a small smile. Kate proceeded with the most mature course of action.

She pouted.

"What if I do?"

Chud's grin widened. "I suppose you're one of the few people who genuinely can be mysterious about it."

She allowed herself a small smirk. "Thank you. But enough on that. Game faces on, people. Get your weapons out. Get your mops out and above all get your IDs out. We're actually getting to use our real IDs 'cause we're expected to only face time travelers today, though as always be prepared to improvise as the situation demands it. As part of the love force crew. the jurisdiction we are under is, believe it or not, even stricter."

"Wait really?" James looked a little nervous at that. "How so?"

"Well, a special forces unit is a more understood concept across time than a group solely devoted to delicate timeline edits and strengthening."

"Ahh the Romeo Juliet clause of 24,501."

"Exactly."

"He definitely made that up right?" Chud looked up from his axe that definitely didn't need to get any shinier. "Right?"

Ray shook his head. "Unfortunately, no. Romeo and Juliet have been haunting us since before the invention of the word haunting."

Chud shuddered. "You two ever look at anything but a book?"

"Oh plenty of times," James shrugged. "But when you've been alive for 20,000 years you pick up a few books."

"Four million five-hundred sixty-one thousand, two hundred thirty-four books to be exact." Kate supplied helpfully.

Chud blinked. "How did you know that?"

"Goodreads."

Ray chuckled. "I've got him beat by twenty."

"Y'all are insane." Chud threw his hands up in the air.

"Aren't we all?" came the reply from the front of the ship. "Also we just entered Earth's atmosphere. Beginning descent to fifty thousand feet."

"Oops. That was fast. Gear up people!"

Organized chops broke out immediately as the ship visibly slowed, gliding along at much more appropriate speeds for the airspace that they were in. Chud finally put his axe down for the first time during this entire ride, as he strapped on his armor, gleaming red and gold even in the pale blue light of the ship. It was a flashy set and not particularly protective on paper only covering his chest, elbows, knees and shins. He'd forgone the parts for his forearm. Chud being Chud of course didn't exactly need the protection to avoid actual injuries, not with skin that tough. The armor's primary purpose was to reduce pain.

James disappeared into the bathroom, janitor outfit in tow while Ray simply straightened his suit. He wasn't going to need a disguise to blend in at an airport. Tappu walked up to Kate.

"Yeah?"

"So...blades or shooty things?"

"My personal recommendation would be blades for this one," Kate said. Tappu grinned. "Oh I love this already."

She was dressed in the only armor she ever wore, a sleeveless top and loose jeans. Those were probably a tiny bit overkill too, give her exact skill set. She rummaged around the overhead compartment before brandishing her two scythe daggers.

"Mopsy and Flopsy are ready to go."

Kate beamed at the sight. "Here we go." Vankous chose that moment to appear.

"So what am I doing?"

"You make it rain," Kate replied instantly.

"You gonna give me some local Earth money or...?"

Kate sighed. "I mean literally."

"Really?"

"Meet cutes are thirty-four point twelve percent more effective when its raining." Kate didn't even wink.

"But hold on if I shower one of them in money would that not be even more effective?" He smirked.

"Sally is not a gold digger."

"Her loss. So I keep the money for ice cream?"

"We can get ice cream once we succeed."

"Not if? Vankous seemed genuinely curious.

"I try not to use that on these missions. My usual crew is still young."

"Fair enough. As long as they know the risks."

"Oh I tell them yes, I just want them to believe in themselves a tad bit more."

"Bold of you to assume James believes in himself."

Kate rolled her eyes. "Make it rain weatherboy."

Vankous stormed off looking thoroughly offended like words couldn't even describe his level of outrage. The rest of tthe team quickly, formed a line, everyone raring to go, James now decked out in the appropriate Janitor uniform except on the back it just said "Love is the greatest power."

"Everyone ready?"

Vankous shook his head. "No. I'm still offended."

"Alright, jump."

James and Ray held onto dear life on Chud as he jumped for the ground. Tappu flew out, green hair swinging out behind her while Vankous harrumphed and teleported away. Kate shook her head fondly and jumped out herself, spreading her wings and catching the wonderful breeze.

She soared down gently, taking in the sight of the city below them. It was early in the boom of Earth, and the planet was just starting to shake off the permanent stench it had been boasting for most of he past century or so. It was truly turning a new leaf and today would be an important page in that history book. This story would echo for generations to come.

Kate landed gently on the roof. James and Ray were already looking ready to go while Tapusha was just straightening her hair. Vankous was floating five feet above them in a protective cloud. Chud was back to sharpening the axe.

"Positions? Get on comms. Report back." There was a round of nods as they dispersed. Vankous flew up higher.

"In position. Waiting for your signal lovey dove."

"It'll come soon Weatherboy." Kate waited patently for the others, Chud and Tappu jumping off in opposite directions to pick the most ideal entrances while James and Ray took the service lift down from the roof, Ray having cracked the passcode before the machine could even register it was being hacked.

Several minutes later Tappu and Chud chimed on too with identical ready signals. Ray followed suit.

"I have access to the cameras we need and the doors I deemed important."

"Perfect." Kate smiled. It was almost ready.

Just then flight A2W 3126 flew in from the south, hovering slowly to the ground as its hover engines powered down. James chose that moment to report in.

"I am by the gate, subject Saliana Tervine is within eyesight."

Kate was positively beaming now as she slipped down into the airport herself, floating right through the solid steel reinforced concrete before she came to a stop in front of that very gate. The plane's doors were opening. The sun gleamed through the bright glass.

"Make it rain weatherboy. Its go time."


Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
74 Reviews

Points: 7432
Reviews: 74

Donate
Sun Jun 02, 2024 6:36 am
View Likes
WeepingWisteria wrote a review...



Hello, Kate! Wist is finally here to review part two.

This is a nice sequel to part one, but I will say this part felt much more exposition-heavy than the first one. I don't think this feeling has much basis in reality; it has more to do with the initial excitement of a new story having faded and us being less hungry for answers and more hungry for action. But I don't necessarily think that this makes this story bad. I think spicing it up with more action or tension would help. Perhaps more asteroids or seeing the terrorists mentioned in the previous part land would make it feel both more grounded in the story and more exciting. This is just my two cents, though! Feel free to ignore it. With that said, let's move on to the nitty-gritty of your work.

"Well, a special forces unit is a more understood concept across time than a group solely devoted to delicate timeline edits and strengthening."

This is more a question than a critique, but wouldn't a less understood concept be less restricted because people wouldn't know how to restrict it? For example, AI training isn't very restricted right now because people haven't yet figured out how to draw the line. After all, it's new and not studied. So, if the idea of a "love crew" isn't understood, how would they know to restrict it?

"Goodreads."

Kate, this made me laugh so hard. I don't know if you meant it to be, but the idea of the creator of the universe being in a Goodreads battle with her immortal friends is pure comedy.

"Organized chops broke out immediately..."

Was this meant to be organized chaos?

Chud finally put his axe down for the first time during this entire ride, as he strapped on his armor, gleaming red and gold even in the pale blue light of the ship. It was a flashy set and not particularly protective on paper only covering his chest, elbows, knees and shins. He'd forgone the parts for his forearm. Chud being Chud didn't need the protection to avoid actual injuries, not with skin that tough. The armor's primary purpose was to reduce pain.

I feel so conflicted about this description of Chud's armor. I think the main issue is that no one else gets this level of description, so it feels very abrupt and out of place compared to everyone else's shorter ones.

Kate said. Tappu grinned. "Oh I love this already."

Again, don't forget to start a new paragraph when someone new begins speaking ^^

"Mopsy and Flopsy are ready to go."

I already love them. Ship mascot material.

"You gonna give me some local Earth money or...?"

Vankous, how do you know about making it rain? In all seriousness, love the pun!!

"We can get ice cream once we succeed."

Again Kate, the banter. I love it so much. It's so good and feels natural.

...held onto dear life on Chud

Bolded word should be to ^^

...most of he past century or so.

Bolded word should be the ^^

"Make it rain weatherboy. Its go time."

Ahhh, the suspense. So excited!! What a good note to end to bring us back for more.

Overall, this piece does what it needs to do by setting up characters in their appropriate locations and getting us ready for the action to come. However, since it's so heavily focused on preparing, the previous built-up tension dwindled a bit. I hope somewhere in this you find some helpful tips. I really do like these stories and I'm excited for the third part. I'm just leaving you with tips that will hopefully help you make Part Three as best as it can be. Good job, Kate, and I'm glad you published.

Happy Writing!
Wist




User avatar
35 Reviews

Points: 3120
Reviews: 35

Donate
Tue May 28, 2024 12:36 pm
AnotherCrowInRow wrote a review...



Aha! So here we have the second part, which I would like to start reviewing :)
I like how the second part very clearly follows on from the first, but at the same time it could be read independently.
As in the first part, here we also see great interactions between the individual characters, which were great to read. Reading this short and slightly humorous work brought a smile to my face. Good job!





What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it. That doesn't happen much, though.
— J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye