Hey! Forever here with a review!!
Seems like they are safe now after having a breathless run from the Aliens. I just wonder if there is any sort of head figure among the Aliens. If yes, these guards will get a good lecture from the heads because they have miserably failed to do their duties. However, we will not be able to see that now. So, better leave it at that.
I do wonder a bit about their presence of mind and mine too. Like in the last part, we saw that Daisy was thanking the fact that aliens' senses are not very good. Now, she is worrying about being caught hyperventilating. I don't quite get it. The Aliens couldn't even hear them running, so how can they hear such a low sound? Maybe it's Daisy was a bit too worried and was not really in the condition of thinking rationally. Or maybe I am misunderstanding something.
If I am not wrong, Harry helped them to be back to themselves and then continue with their work. And yeah, that map. Why didn't we saw that map earlier? Daisy has gotta be a bit more observative in nature for helping out the readers. Harry was very strictly observing the aliens cause he was totally missing from the first half of the conversation.
"Okay sis," said Harry, nodding," we'll let you know if something is coming this way."
I found this 'something' a very interesting and humorous word here. Until this point, I used to refer to the aliens as someone in my mind but seems like I have got to change it.
The last paragraph was a bit too rushed. I think you dhould expand it a bit more or maybe simply cut it from here and you can write it somewhere latter where ut fits better or if you don't want to do it, simply cut it. Though I haven't yet read the next chapter, I don't think it would hurt to give a small break in the middle.
Overall, this chapter was quite an action-filled chapter and the plot moves forward quite a bit and also with no failures. It gives rise to some true hope in the mind of the readers.
Keep Writing!
~Forever
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Reviews: 701
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