We meet at last, aliens. Andrew here, with a review. This chapter is good for finally getting to see the great Other, our antagonists. It raises the stakes and gives our audience a good boogeyman to finally imagine. My main critique is that the aliens seem a bit... blind. I don't know if I misread it or something, but the way they don't see the humans who are described to be quote "just a few feet away from them." and don't notice them slip behind them and run away.
Maybe the aliens literally have bad eyesight, in which case that's an interesting weakness, but one I'd be glad to know about now. Or maybe I didn't understand the situation and sneaking was much easier than I thought. If so, you could make it a bit more dummy proof by making clear what was going on and why the Aliens didn't like immediately spot them.
Either way, it broke my suspension of disbelief and kinda broke the true horror of these Antagonists for a moment.
But the alien description was cool and scary, the fact that they were huge was an interesting and actually weirdly disturbing twist. I'm curious to see what science you have behind that. Does the alien planet have less gravity? Do they have exceptionally strong hearts and bones? They seem to have some form of blood, at least, that's what the veins suggest. Or maybe the aliens are very lightweight, like birds?
If it is a gravity difference, I'll be curious to see how they survive on earth.
But into specifics!
Like a villain in one of Earth's ancient horror movies, the two aliens were approaching slowly
grammar is always fun: You can say approached, not were approaching
A much harsher sound soon followed as the scraping of their clawed feet could be heard.
Interesting, they don't wear shoes?
The creature's other arms were locked in a fighting stance, all eight fingers curled into fists. Its feet, massive claws extended stood low, in a crouch as if the alien was expecting a fight.
ALIEN BOXING TIME LETS GO
The alien's four eyes were all focused directly in front of it, taking in something off in the distance.
Wait so are they distracted, if so, maybe play that out a bit more.
Fear slowly made itself known as an icy chill spread down Daisy's spine.
ooooh, showing feelings. Good old fashion physical experiences. Gotta love 'em
But that's all just my two cents, hope it helped!
Excited to see what our big plasma gun-wielding friends do to those poor, misbehaving little humans.
Thanks, and keep writing!
Andrew
Points: 34
Reviews: 178
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