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Young Writers Society


12+

Survival: The Escape, Chapter 4.4

by KateHardy


“It's a heat shield,” announced Harry, jumping up and down with excitement,” I knew it. It’s definitely a starfighter. It has to be.”

“Jeez, calm down, it’s not like you’re going to be getting a prize for guessing the craft correctly,” remarked Aria.

“Way to ruin the mood sis,” said Harry, stopping his jumping up and down and frowning at her.

“The question that will get you a prize is whether or not that huge fireball is going to be roasting us or not?” added Daisy.

“And what is that prize?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“A hug,” replied Daisy, winking.

“OH. MY. GOD!” shouted Aria,” can you two go a few hours without flirting?”

“We are not flirting,” snapped Harry and Daisy in unison, causing them both to break out into laughter.

“Ya and the sky is red,” said Aria rolling her eyes.

“No, Aria…” began Harry.

“So are you going to try to guess where the ship will land or not?” said Aria, cutting him off before he could complete his protest.

“Right,” he said, smiling apologetically at Daisy.

Daisy smiled back. That smile. Wait a minute Daisy. Big fireball. Possible death. Smiles later.

Harry gave his verdict,” Umm…this one actually might hit us. Before the wind threw it around, there was a really good chance it would miss but now judging by how close its getting and it current position, it might end up coming at us. Its definitely hitting some part of the camp.”

“So we should be worried,” said Daisy.

“Yup,” said Aria, looking around for anything to cover behind. “We should probably prepare to run inside just in case it crashes into here. We don’t want to risk getting turned into pancakes.”

“That’s a good idea,” said Daisy,” do we leave the tools here as is or take them with us?”

“Uh well if it crashed down and damaged the equipment they will definitely blame us for negligence or something along those lines so I think its safer to take them in with us and make sure nothing happens to them,” said Aria. "You know what happened the McMillans."

“Let’s start moving things inside then,” said Harry, already moving towards the tools,” that thing will touch down any second now.”

The three of them grabbed as much as they could and started lugging stuff in through the sliding glass doors. It didn't take long. They only had a few items to move and for once Daisy found herself actually thankful for the stingy amount of supplies they were provided with.

By the time they were done frantically scrambling around, the ship was low enough that it was just about to vanish behind the second wall. As it ducked down the wall, it was pointed almost right at the door they were currently behind. They could hear the sounds of trees snapping as the ship skimmed lower, vanishing behind the wall.

“That might hit this door,” shouted Harry as the sounds of the ship got louder,”GET INSIDE."

There were no objections to that plan. The three of them charged inside, the glass door opening noiselessly as the three of them ducked inside to the safety of the glass. They were barely on time.

There was an almighty “KA – BOOM!” from beyond the wall, and the sounds of an explosion followed by the sound of tearing metal. Daisy closed her eyes and looked away as an small shockwave followed by an intense heat spread through the area.


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Sat Sep 25, 2021 8:06 pm
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MaybeAndrew wrote a review...



Now the crap bounced off the fan and hit the wall, an exciting turn of events.
No, but Andrew here with a review. Overall, exciting but once again I want more stuff (thoughts, description, ect) around the talking. INTO SPECIFICS

“It's a heat shield,” announced Harry, jumping up and down with excitement,” I knew it. It’s definitely a starfighter. It has to be.”

“Jeez, calm down, it’s not like you’re going to be getting a prize for guessing the craft correctly,” remarked Aria.

Such a sibling exchange.
“A hug,” replied Daisy, winking.

That's not even that flirty XD, I think something more vague like "We'll just have to see." *wink* would be more flirty.
I mean but I'm no expert, just a guy who has tried to flirt a lot and failed even more.
“OH. MY. GOD!” shouted Aria,” can you two go a few hours without flirting?”

Aria reacts more to the flirting than the crashing space ship XD.
“We are not flirting,” snapped Harry and Daisy in unison, causing them both to break out into laughter.

The unison ​thing is reaching absurd levels XD.
Daisy smiled back. That smile. Wait a minute Daisy. Big fireball. Possible death. Smiles later.

Mood
“Yup,” said Aria, looking around for anything to cover behind. “We should probably prepare to run inside just in case it crashes into here. We don’t want to risk getting turned into pancakes.”

They are all taking this situation pretty lightly.
"You know what happened the McMillans."

Grammar here weird

There was an almighty “KA – BOOM!” from beyond the wall, and the sounds of an explosion followed by the sound of tearing metal. Daisy closed her eyes and looked away as an small shockwave followed by an intense heat spread through the area.

Clunky
But that's all just my two cents
Liked the chapter, suuuper exciting!
Thanks, and keep writing
Andrew




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

Hm..about the flirting, I dunno if I should be happy about that or not...cause like..this is meant to be unintentional flirting, so like they're like not actually trying to flirt, so it not really being flirting is kinda what it should be, but then I also want it to be unintentional flirting, so it has to look like flirting...and if you understood that sentence, give yourself a pat on the back.

Well you'd be wayy more of an expert than more, cause I've never even thought about flirting outside of writing a novel...much less attempted it :D



KateHardy says...


than me*



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Tue Sep 07, 2021 7:23 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi HarryHardy,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

So, I'm late again to collect my 25 bonus points, but I don't think I need them right now anyway. :D On to the review! :D

This part reminded me a lot of a disaster movie, where the tension is increased by the upcoming danger and in between there is humour and flirting before the apocalypse starts. I really liked how it tied in well with the previous one, and that you continued right after the cliffhanger instead of doing a timeskip. That's a good plus point. But not only did you set the scene well for the cliffhanger from the last part, you also set up a new one for the sequel.

I always find it amazing how you manage to swing back and forth like that to get to points like that. What I also liked was how it was another chapter in a row where you realised it was written/thought from the perspective of a particular character; in this case Daisy. Even though she didn't directly speak that much, you could tell.

One thing I couldn't see so well, and where I wonder if I'm reading over or forgetting, but wouldn't other people have to show up in the meantime? I mean the bang must have woken up everyone in a certain radius, right?

A little highlight in this chapter was certainly the flirtation between Harry and Daisy. On the one hand I found it inappropriate, but on the other hand practical, because it also involved Aria without inserting her passively. I found it a good interaction to bring a third character into focus as much as the focus on the actual main characters.

To sum up, chapter 4 is currently very much brimming with this tension and is a bit of a high point for me, which will probably take me further, into the next few chapters. :D


Have fun writing!

Mailice




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!!

xD...I can always send you 25 bonus points...;)

I'm glad you're liking this one...cause chapter 4 is the one I intended to really jumpstart the story, the other three are mostly to introduce the reader to this world and the state its in.

Also...xD...the flirtation is actually meant to be fairly accidental so far, like they don't really know they're flirting...yet...this is an arc that gets played around with a bit...and it stretches on into the sequels I'm planning for this. This is meant to be a trilogy :D

Thanks again!!



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Tue Sep 07, 2021 6:20 pm
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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey Harry!

RandomTalks here with a review!

I really liked this chapter. It was incredibly fun and entertaining to read! Especially the dialogue in the beginning. The three of them just stood there bantering among each other while the 'ball of fire' from the sky kept racing towards the ground in their direction. I really like how you have portrayed the relationships in this parts.

Harry, like always, is very much in his element. I really like his characteristic enthusiasm, optimism and his overall goofiness. He was jumping up and down in excitement because he had correctly identified the thing that was charging at them from the sky. It highlights his childish side and puts a big warm smile on the reader's face. Daisy did surprise me with her comment about the hug. I had presumed that she is a shy girl, but she really takes the wheel this time with her wink and the promise of a hug. Then there is Aria, the exasperated sister, who is done with the two kids' flirting and snaps at them. The fact that all this happens while the 'thing' from the sky is still charging at them just makes it all the more hilarious and I was honestly grinning while reading it.

With the situation they are in, one would think that this will be a suspenseful chapter. Instead you add your own unique "Harry" touch to it and make it hilarious instead. I loved the fast pace, because it went so well with the situation. And of course now the question is, what is up with that heat shield? Why is it falling from the sky and aiming towards them? Also, how is this going to impact the plot of the story? I know it is going to change something, now I am just curios about the 'what'.

A tiny nitpick:

do we leave the tools here as is or take them with us

This question will be better framed as "do we leave the tools here as 'they are' or take them with us?

Amazing chapter.

Keep up the good work and have a great day!




KateHardy says...


THank youu for the review!!!



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Tue Sep 07, 2021 1:42 pm
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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey!! Forever here with a review!!

Daisy closed her eyes and looked away as an small shockwave followed by an intense heat spread through the area.

Hm... Daisy was definitely a lot surprised but putting an "an" before small is not the best way of showing that. :D

It's cruel how the spacecraft landed but intetesting
at the same time. I wonder what this second wall actually is. Did it land outside the walls or within the walls? As we don't know about trees inside the wall, I am assuming the spaceship landed outside the walls. Quite interesting. And about the trees. Hm... I wonder about it, about the nature of the trees. As this chapter includes Daisy's thoughts and she doesn't know about the trees, the fact that she heard the sound of tree crashing was an intriguing detail there. Now, she appears to be quite attentive about the auditory things. I am not too sure about the other senses. The nature of the trees or at least the sound produced by them must be identical to that of the Earth's one. I wonder where this is gonna go.

Harry succeeded at saving them. If they didn't go inside at the right time, something bad would have happened to them. And the heat. So the spacecraft released a lot of heat. Now, I guess Harry does have an explanation for this. We will see. It's pathetic how the spacecraft protected itself by the heat shield(I don't know I might be wrong about this heat shield but the name suggests it's duty is to protect the craft from heat) and affected the others. I like that onomatopoeia "Ka-boom". That sounds funny. Seriously.

Something is in stock for them and also the readers. I am quite interested about the metal. Specifically, I am interested in discovering where the metal belongs to. What if it just crashes into the wall and break tbe wall? XD. Not too soon. The humans will have a great time tho but I fear the case might just be the opposite.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever




KateHardy says...


Thank youuu for the review!!!

Hmm...wait till ya see the final part of this chapter ;)




We always talk about the "doers" and "dreamers" but I'd like to give a big shoutout to the "tryers".
— Hannah Hart