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Young Writers Society


12+

Survival: The Escape, Chapter 4.1

by KateHardy


Chapter 4

OH. MY. GOD.

[Daisy]

Daisy woke up to find that she was supposed to have been awake ten minutes ago. Groggily, she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and stumbled out of her bed. One day of being early and I’m right back to being late as always. How does Aria do it? She scrambled to get a quick shower and get dressed.

She ran for the door, bumping into a stool along the way and sending it crashing to the floor with a loud clang. She quickly picked up the stool and continued her dash to the hall, barely having time to wave a goodbye to her mother who was also leaving for her own shift.

Daisy arrived at the tiny cramped room and began scanning the room for any signs of the Kane siblings. It took her a second to spot Aria waving to her from a corner of the room and she made for them, pushing her way through the crowd. 

As they exchanged greeting and began the trek to their workplace, Daisy felt that something was not quite the same with the two. For starters, Aria had bags under her eyes. Aria never had bags under her eyes. The second red flag was Harry’s own facial expression. He was always bright and chipper but today he seemed to be radiating happiness. His stride seemed somehow more purposeful than before, if that was even possible. 

This all puzzled Daisy as they made their way to the central hub, but she kept quiet, deciding to ask them about it once they were at the gate. After Aria had done her thing and logged in their arrival, the trio set off towards the door.

They walked out to a rare sight. It was a gloomy sky, nothing like the usual brilliant blue. Dark clouds covered the compound blocking off any and all sunlight and dimming the entire area. It was dark enough that lights set into the walls that ran along the sides of the small enclosure were turned on. Not surprisingly, the lights were barely effective at lighting anything up. They only managed to cast an eerie blue glow that made the place look even worse than it would've been without the lights. You’d think that they’d invest in better lights at least to ensure their own damn wall can be properly cared for. I suppose torturing us is much more fun. Daisy joined the other two as they made their way over to the tools.

“So what made you lose sleep yesterday Aria?” asked Daisy casually as they divided up the tools to begin their work.

“What?” asked Aria, eyeing her suspiciously,” what makes you think I did that?”

“You have bags under your eyes Aria,” pointed out Daisy,” sheesh it's fine. It’s good to occasionally rebel a bit and stay up late.”

“I suppose you would know all about that,” said Aria, now smirking.

“Hey, that’s not fair. I stay awake because…uhh…because I have insomnia,” replied Daisy quickly.

“Keep telling yourself that,” said Aria and walked off. Daisy let out a sigh. Well that conversation did not go as planned. Maybe I’ll have more success getting it out of Harry. She walked over to him as he began his work in his chosen spot.

“Hey, Harry,” she began.

“Hi!”

“You seem different today,” she said, tentatively.

“Really, I can assure you that I'm not an imposter,” he said, looking up from the patch of grass he was cutting.

“Not like that dinkus,” said Daisy, rolling her eyes,” I mean your mood seems a little different.”

“Really?” he asked furrowing his eyebrows,” How so?”

“I don’t know. You seem somehow happier than usual.”

“Huh…well maybe. Not really sure,” he replied, voice slightly uncertain like there was some sort of internal debate going on.


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178 Reviews


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Sat Sep 25, 2021 6:45 pm
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MaybeAndrew wrote a review...



Andrew here with a review!
Oooooh we get to see this from daisies point of view now, this is exciting. And maybe I'm wrong, but I can sense a rising tension......... it looks like crap might hit the fan soon, forgive my immature expression. Haven't reviewed in a while because vacation, but coming back to this I like this chapter, it doesn't waste time but doesn't feel rushed. Once again I'd like more descriptions of things, especially of what the work actually is, but that could just be me.

But into specifics

She ran for the door, bumping into a stool along the way and sending it crashing to the floor with a loud clang. She quickly picked up the stool and continued her dash to the hall, barely having time to wave a goodbye to her mother who was also leaving for her own shift.

I like this, gets that frantic feeling down.

“Really, I can assure you that I'm not an imposter,” he said, looking up from the patch of grass he was cutting.

This is a great expression of harries character, a bad joke, but one that is not just so bad it's annoying.

Some quotation mark misplacement and I would say, a need for a little more contextual descriptions,
But that's all just my two cents and besides that, it's a good portion.

Thanks, and keep writing,
Andrew




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

This is pretty much the chapter where the story goes from mostly introductions and information, to the actual plot kickstarting :D



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Mon Sep 06, 2021 5:31 am
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey! Forever here with a review!

OH. MY. GOD.

I just want to know the purpose of those dots. I haven't seen people writing Oh my god as that. Even I searched it up on Internet. The same case there. And Daisy. As this chapter includes her thought and she is not very old it will be a bit odd if she says oh my god like that.

For starters, Aria had bags under her eyes. Aria never had bags under her eyes.

She didn't sleep for a single night. I really wonder if one sleepless night can cause bags under our eyes. Perhaps yes, perhaps no... Google isn't telling me sadly.

Dark clouds covered the compound blocking off any and all sunlight and dimming the entire area.

That was quite an interesting detail here and it also makes me think about the preference of the Aliens. The previous chapters kind of showed that the Aliens favour the cold weather and maybe they favour this damp sort of weather. I don't know maybe they have discovered some methods to influence the weather like that.

Wow. Thanks for making me remember about Dasiy. She complete went out of my brain.

I am interested about something else too. The Aliens. We don't have much information about their appearance and also where they stays. As for the appearance, it can be deduced, however it's always best to be absolute. As for the latter one, as while coming through the hall, they didn't talk of the Aliens, I can assume that they live a bit away from where humans live or maybe they live outside? Who knows. Did you give any information about it?

Your writing seems to be full of dialogues. A lot of dialogues we have here. I really like it. So, Daisy. Aria doesn't really seem to trust Daisy enough to reveal the secret. She completely avoided it. Now Harry. Harry also doesn't trust Daisy very well but at least more than Aria as he at least thought about the matter twice. I don't know if they will tell Daisy but maybe they will tell her. She seems to be one of the main characters.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever




KateHardy says...


Thank youuu for the review!!

Oh, that's meant to show like she's suuper shocked. Like she's saying it one word at a time.

Heh...considering I haven't gotten much sleep in like a month and have no bags under my eyes...you might be onto something there..but..well, something has to be there for Daisy to notice and question them ;)



KateHardy says...


Thank youuu for the review!!

Oh, that's meant to show like she's suuper shocked. Like she's saying it one word at a time.

Heh...considering I haven't gotten much sleep in like a month and have no bags under my eyes...you might be onto something there..but..well, something has to be there for Daisy to notice and question them ;)





XD. Sleep, sleep! I literally tell people at least ten times day to sleep.

You could just make Aria tired and a bit inattentive about the work ;)



KateHardy says...


Haha, I'll survive. :D

Hmm, I'll keep that in mind for draft 3 :D



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Sat Sep 04, 2021 7:14 pm
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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey Harry!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

To be honest, I had almost forgotten about Daisy until this point. She did not really have a part in chapters 2 and 3, and the plot had moved along so much in her absence. Still, I found her narration a welcome change in this chapter. I like how her voice is so different from the siblings. She seems like a normal teenager going through her day (if you ignore the fact that they are imprisoned by aliens and currently also working for the), and I don't think we are going to find any of these small and insignificant details of their lives from Harry or Aria.

I also like how natural she is with both the siblings. She can sense very well that they are hiding something from her, but she does not pry when they clearly change the subject after she questions them. She is more of a humble nature and I quite like this trio and their different personalities.

Something that also caught my attention was the two siblings reaction to the meeting. While Aria had lost sleep over it and developed bags under her eyes, Harry has become over enthusiastic and hopeful. He has this new energy about her and while it clashes with Aria's usual grumpiness, I quite liked this contrast between them.

I liked this chapter for it's overall lightness. It was easy to read and follow and we like this simple and normal approach to the usual revelations and cliffhangers. Also, Harry seems to be back in his element, so everything is going to be fine!

Keep writing and have a great day!




KateHardy says...


Thank youuu for the review!!!

Also..xD...yeah there really wasn't anything I could do for Daisy till this point, I don't think there'll be anymore long stretches without a main character after this :D



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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi HarryHardy,

Third time here with a review! :D

It was somehow a very calm and relaxed start to the chapter. After everything that happened and was told in chapter 3, I found it a nice change to see the story from Daisy's perspective and also what happened after that night.

Unlike the other two characters, I have the impression that Daisy is quite neutral. It's told how her morning ritual looks like, after she gets up and how she gets to Aria, etc... in other words, how the day goes. Unlike Aria, however, she doesn't draw any conclusions, in other words, she accepts it as it is. And yet she seems to be curious or at least very interested when something deviates from the actual norms, like Aria and her bags under the eyes.

As I mentioned before, I like this calm tone here in the chapter and how it is structured. It gives the reader the air to come back down after the revelations of Ch. 3 but also that tension of if and when Aria or Harry will tell her anything about it. So my question is, are they even allowed to? I'm very interested here to see how this chapter will go, as we've only seen the Kane siblings so far, and how that will affect the story.

Some points that my eye caught:

OH. MY. GOD.

Yes, I'll start with the chapter name. :D For what little we've seen and heard of Daisy so far, I think it's a very appropriate title, especially because I think it's her saying it.

Daisy arrived at the tiny cramped room and began scanning the room for any signs of the Kane siblings

With “it” you can replace the second “the room”.

He was always bright and chipper but today he seemed to be radiating happiness.

Nice to see that he is still so motivated and happy for what happened in the meeting. :D

Have fun writing!

Mailice




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

I know, I barely have time to look away from the screen after posting a part and there's a review




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