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Young Writers Society


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Survival: The Escape, Chapter 3.3

by KateHardy


It was only a flash of green and purple, shaking so violently that she should probably have looked away unless she wanted to risk getting a headache and yet Aria couldn't look away. It was the outside. The land beyond the wall.

The footage showed the drone beginning to slide off the rounded top of the wall and take flight again. Then, in a sudden moment of clarity, the drone stopped in midair, the footage stopped being headache inducing and then...a vast expanse of grays, reds and purples. It was so much all at once that she couldn't process what she was looking at. Aria had never seen quit that many bright color at once. She turned to see how Harry was taking it.

The look on Harry’s face was something she'd never seen before. She saw hope, as there always had been but there was an extra light in his eyes that she'd never seen before. It was hard to place. At that point he looked almost dangerous somehow. Determined.

She turned back to the footage and the camera had turned in a semi circle, now looking back to the wall, except this wall looked completely different. It was clearly the same one they were used to but from the outside. This side of the wall was impossibly smooth, with a perfect finish that could've only been possible through autonomous cleaners. Human hands could never keep something in such perfect shape. There were also two long strips of red light, illuminating the area in a eerie glow.

And then the camera turned once more and it was back to the vibrant shock of color. Once Aria's eyes got used to the sudden influx of color, she started to recognize the formation in front of the camera. It was a forest. It looking nothing like the lush green of the forests she'd seen in pictures, but the shapes visible were unmistakably trees.

They were much larger looking than what Earth trees were supposed to look like. Aria couldn't decide whether it was a trick of the camera's perspective or whether the trees were actually somehow bigger than usual. Considering the most recent images they'd studied were from a good century ago, anything was possible.

The color palette was the weirdest part about them. Unlike the browns and greens that they'd been taught were the colors of Earth's trees, these ones were primarily red and purple. Aria couldn't help but wonder if perhaps these were trees from the aliens' home planet. That wouldn't be the most far fetched conclusion.

As they flew closer to the tree however, the alien conclusion was starting to make more and more sense. There were leaves with seemed to have things that almost resembled sharp teeth. There were plants that looked to be moving, and it was quite clearly not the wind. No amount of wind would make trees move in a pattern quite like that. It was a lot take in all at once. Down on the forest floor, bright purple streaks seemed to run through the greyish green, pulsing with an eerie purple light. 

She was almost glad when the camera then began to fly forward, the footage becoming jittery once again as the drone flew into the thick forest. Aria looked away, closing her eyes as she sat back in the chair to process what she'd just seen.


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Sat Sep 04, 2021 1:55 pm
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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey! Forever here with a review!! This is meant for #reVIEWS . Let's see if I have managed to learn anything at all.

So it was quite interesting. Seems like the aliens havw complete revamped the Earth excluding the camp area. Perhaps they have changed into some other planet, maybe their home planet. Now this home planet. It's better to include the name if the home planet. As you told I am not very wrong the history stuffs, the humans were the one to take them to Earth or at least set up a communication with them. So they should know the planet they lived in. Also, judging from the character of the Aliens, they seem to be supercilious. So, I expect them to brag about their home planet.

Now the footage. I thought they used an old device to take all the videos recently but it seems like the videos were taken long ago. So, there will be many changes now. That is quite a disadvantage on the sides of the human beings as they don't know the present condition of the outside. However, I wonder why they didn't manage to take any footage recently. Has the security increased a lot? Maybe it has.

The trees seem to be interesting things. Although Aria reached the conclusion very fast that they are unmistakably trees, it's still a mystery to the readers if they are actually trees. Maybe they are for further securities. I don't know but for some reason, I just had a thought of insectivorous trees. Maybe these things which appear to be trees are actually there to trap the humans if they get outside. Also the light. This light is very uncomfortable for the eyes of the humans right? But it seems they are not for the Aliens. So, maybe the Aliens have different sights. I mean they see the world differently. That's not unnatural tho.

The optimistic nature of Harry was confirmed in this chapter along with the optimistic nature of Aria. Explicitly, Harry is more optimistic but we are yet to discover what we have.

It seemed like only she ans Harry were present in the room. However, there were many more characters. Just include a few lines about them. You don't want to make the readers imagine the wrong thing. Just some of their reactions and movements here and there will do.

Overall, quite a great part. I will get to the next soon. Anyway, I hope I have learnt at least a single thing from the Reviews hashtag and could apply it in the review.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!! :D



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Wed Sep 01, 2021 7:50 pm
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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey Harry!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

I had wondered since the beginning of the story, how they would react when they saw the real world for the first time. All their lives, they have only known walls and imprisonment, so I was quite curios about how they would take the change. And you portrayed it really well. Their awe and transfixion with the scene was so on point. For the first time, they had encountered such vibrant colors, and it had rendered them speechless.

I liked how this was mostly focused on the two of them and their reaction. I think this is going to be a turning point for the siblings as they finally catch a sight of what they are fighting for. Harry is already determined it seems, and perhaps even Aria will learn to hope. I am confused by one point though. You mentioned that the trees were bright red and purple. Are they really trees of the future, or are they a part of the alien's settlement. I am not sure about that.

This chapter was rather short, but it was definitely powerful. I am looking forward to see what the brother sister take from this experience.

Here are some minor details I noticed:

Aria had never seen quit that many bright color at once.

The 'quit' will be 'quite' (the two words have widely different meanings) and 'color' will be 'colors' (we are talking about many colors here, so plural form).

There were leaves with seemed to have things that almost resembled sharp teeth.

I think you meant 'which' here instead of 'with'.

No amount of wind would make trees move in a pattern quite like that. It was a lot take in all at once.

I have never heard wind being measured as 'an amount'. Also, you are missing a 'to' before 'take in', it will be : "It was a lot 'to' take in..."

That's all. Another great part!

Keep up the good work and have a great day!




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

I believe the question about the trees should get answered in the next chapter...



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Wed Sep 01, 2021 7:01 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi HarryHardy,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

It's funny, when there's a longer part, the next part is shorter and upside down. It's like a wave. :D

I don't know why, but the explanations and dialogues in the last chapter remain in the shadows after I read that part. You did a very good job of creating a kind of tension and horror that was not only foreseeable to the reader, but also to Aria and Harry.

It was a strong chapter because you managed to bring out the emotions well. I thought it was really intense and you could tell you were working towards that point. That moment when Harry was described, I was a bit confused and yet I understood it. I think you have really managed to create a little highlight of this chapter without any loud words.

One thing I missed here was the reaction of the others who eventually have to see Aria and Harry's facial expressions change. It seemed as if everything was darkened and only the two of them were in the room, together with the laptop. Apart from that, I have not found any grammatical errors. :D

Some points I noticed while reading:

It was only a flash of green and purple, shaking so violently that she should probably have looked away unless she wanted to risk getting a headache and yet Aria couldn't look away. It was the outside. The land beyond the wall.

That really is the right introduction for a cliffhanger. It's punchy and well-written, with a longer opening sentence where it then transitions to two shorter sentences. This gives wonderful long-lasting effect, like a brief moment of carelessness in a horror film.

a vast expanse of grays, reds and purples.

Here is my question if this is some sort of flashing like you get warned before one watches a film or is this more of a change of colours in form of like a message? On other explanations it is more described as flash, but here it seemed like a change of the radiance.

The look on Harry’s face was something she'd never seen before. She saw hope, as there always had been but there was an extra light in his eyes that she'd never seen before.

You are repeating yourself here in both ends of the sentence.


Have fun writing!

Mailice




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

Ohh..that is just referring to the color of the forest when she first sees it D:




You can not put the entire Bee Movie in the quote generator.
— alliyah