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Young Writers Society


12+

Survival: The Escape, Chapter 23.3

by KateHardy


They kept going for what felt like at least an hour. By now, the sky really was starting to lighten. Very soon they would completely lose any and all advantages that came with the darkness of the night. Aria seemed to have sensed that too, because she’d been repeatedly glancing out the window the past few minutes, getting increasingly agitated each time. Then her eyes seemed to light up at the sight of something. She slowly stood up for the first time since the checkpoint. Harry raised his eyebrows in question as he sat up, fighting through the cramps from having been in one position for so long.

Aria gestured to the door.

“Out,” mouthed Harry. She nodded, a smile breaking out on her face. Harry resisted the urge to fist pump the air. It was finally happening. They were getting out of this thing and he could celebrate in peace. Aria snuck towards, moving slowly and carefully to ensure she made no noise. The final hurdle was the last thing they wanted to mess up. Harry kept his weapon pointed at the window to the cabin, just in case it became necessary.

The door was gently opened. 

Thankfully, it swung open without making any noises. Kate was the first one to emerge from the crates and make the jump. It wasn’t a particularly hard one thankfully. The transport had slowed down considerably once they’d driven about a half hour away from camp. Ryan went next followed by Daisy. Aria then gestured for Harry to go next, but he made a go on gesture, pointing towards the cabin with the gun.

Aria didn’t seem particularly happy with that, but she seemed to come to some sort of realization because she reluctantly nodded and dived out herself. Harry crawled towards the door, keeping an eye on the cabin window. He managed to gently close one side, and then in one swift motion, he managed to get the other one to begin close before he dived out himself. 

He landed on soft, warm sand. Scrambling to his feet as quickly as possible, he ran back towards the others. Hopefully the drivers would think the sound of the second door closing was a toppling crate.

The other four had already gathered together from the various points they’d jumped out at. He had a broad smile on his face as he reached them.

“We did it,” said Aria, simply.

Harry nodded. His dream of freeing the humans from confinement before the one century anniversary was on course. The promise he’d made to himself all those weeks ago was slowl y coming true.

“So, is it possible to do a celebratory dance now?’ asked Harry. “Or a group hug?”

“Soon, but to be completely safe, we need to climb on top of that thing,” said Aria, pointing towards a mountain in the distance. “And since we just had an hour long rest, shall we?”

“Yupsy,” said Daisy, jumping up and down, and doing a few stretches. She caught Harry’s eye and the two exchanged a quick smile.

“Oh gosh, you two started doing that already,” said Aria, making a quick gagging sound.

“And you started doing that already,” said Harry, “come on Daisy, let’s go first.”

The two took off running. Harry could practically feel Aria rolling her eyes behind him as she yelled at them to slow down. However, Harry only increased his speed, running unrestrained for the first time in his short life. Free at last.


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Sun Dec 26, 2021 12:14 pm
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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey Harry!

I did not think I would be back so soon with this review, but here I am!

So, we have reached the end of the line. Congratulations to you on completing your novel! I wish I could have reviewed this when it actually came out!

Okay, so I will be honest and straight out admit that I am not a big fan of sci-fi stories. I mostly read and write realistic stories, and stay far from this genre because of how little I actually know about it. I remember the first time I read the first chapter of your story, I was thoroughly interested by the sweet bond between Harry and Aria. It will be fair to say that they are the reason I came back for the next chapter, and the next, until I got completely invested in this world you have created. I care more for the characters than I do about the plot, but this time, I joined the characters on their fight. I was really surprised that I would like a sci-fi story like this one and stay until the end. So, I will give a short overview of what I thought of the story in general.

I have already said that the characters are what pulled me into this world. You have created really interesting and different characters in Harry, Aria and Daisy. They have all such contrasting personalities, and yet they compliment each other so well that they have managed to build such a sweet and beautiful friendship in such a difficult and harrowing world. The relationships they share with each other remind us that humanity exists and flourishes even when it is trapped and confined. I loved their fun bantering, Harry's optimism, Aria's pessimism and the constant teasing and support in their friendship.
As for Ryan and Kate, they entered a little late in the story, and we learned more about them (still very little) later in the story. At first, their presence felt a little intruding upon our already established trio's, especially because we do not know much about them. However, throughout the mission, we saw them coming together as a team and actually getting along as persons. However, just when we were actually starting to get familiarized with them, they seemed to be pulled out of the story altogether. Especially in the last two or three chapters, their roles had been reduced so much, that I had actually completely forgotten about them until I thought about all the characters together for this final review. So you should try to make their appearances a little more consistent. I understand if you want their characters to develop in the future books, but since you have introduced them here, you have to make sure that they can stand in the story without getting blown away due to lack of identity or roles.

The plot was really great and I think the title of the story tells you all that you need to know about this story. You have a more direct way of telling your stories. While it almost always moves the plot forward in a rather refreshing pace, sometimes, it also makes you skip certain aspects of storytelling. For example, descriptions. They have never really been a very big focus of yours in this story. It was a surprising choice, especially because you are building a very new and different world here - there were many places for you to showcase your creativity and go all out with the descriptions. Since, we don't know very much about this world, it was a little difficult to imagine it at times because of this shortage of descriptions. If we are not told what we should see, we don't see anything. And descriptions also add color to the worlds we build and help solidify its base and ground it reality.

The other thing I think you should work on is the thoughts and the feelings of the characters. Every so often, it feels like we are simply going through the scenes instead of actually experiencing them. It gives it a more robotic and mechanical edge (if you get what I mean), and since this is a story about the humankind's struggle for independence under the aliens, I think you should put more focus on what makes human beings, 'human beings' (its a little confusing, I know). So by exploring their thoughts and emotions, you showcase where the aliens and the humans differ - their humanity. And you also make us all the more attached to the characters and their struggles. Otherwise, it gets a little bit difficult to remain invested in the story. For example, in the final chapters, it felt like the main focus was on reaching the end. The story was more rushed, the characters forced into the background. I think there is some room for improvement in that part.

Overall, this was a really incredible ride, and I am glad I stayed until the end. You have built a very great world, introduced some great characters and I am really excited to see where they go from here.

I really look forward to reading more such amazing works from you.

Keep writing and have a great day!

Until next time!




KateHardy says...


Thank youuu soo much for the review and for sticking with this novel the whole way through!! All of these reviews will come in very handy when I end up editing my way through this one once again.

I hope you end up reading book 2 as well when I post it :D



RandomTalks says...


You are welcome!

And I will be looking out for book 2! :)



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Thu Dec 16, 2021 6:10 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Harry,

Mailice back again with a short review! :D

We've reached the end of the first book (how many more are there?), so I'm collecting my thoughts here again and giving brief feedback on what I liked and what I didn't like so much.

The characters
I like the characters. We had spent a lot of time with Harry, Daisy and Aria that we knew these three very well when the mission started and I like how you also always showed it by changing the POV to give more of the inner thoughts of the characters. I like that they seem varied and different, and the group still seems like a perfect trio, even if sometimes (or quite often) there are two vs one juxtapositions.

The few side characters we met during the story, as far as I could remember, always had an interesting way of speaking in most cases, or at least some gimmick to make the reader remember them.

Ryan and Kate seemed well integrated. We didn't meet them until halfway through the story but felt it was good to see the group grow without completely breaking the synergy. I'd say if there's a bit more to come from them in the next books, I think their flatter characters are already justified.

The plot
The plot was good. I started reading it, I think because of the review buddies, but I liked that you created a kind of interesting science fiction story where the humans are not on top of the hierarchy and yet you didn't take a lot of things to the extreme, but stayed grounded in many points, like not inserting ultimate weapons, etc....

The plot was varied, especially because of the POV narration, which always gave you a new perspective on the story. There was this point where the group was in the forest and just before the first conference (I think) where I thought the story dragged a bit, and I think you could certainly manage to find a better way to make that come across so that it doesn't feel so "filler-like" to the reader.

The storytelling
The storytelling is good. I'm not a fan of these short chunks because I read quite quickly too, but the chapters were always a good length and you also showed that you know your way around the world well.

Maybe a little too well, because a lot is untouchable for the reader. You can imagine many things, but what I missed was a little more description or some kind of information for the reader, so that he could feel a little better into the story. This doesn't always have to be in a method like I use, but also in an active situation, where the characters are upset about something, for example, why the walls are all grey, and then some kind of explanation comes from Harry, where we could also get a little more backstory.

That would also give the story the feeling that the few named characters are not the last people. I think sometimes it brings a bit more detail there or just insert a sentence where you find out what some NPC is doing that is in the background, like counting the screws or painting the wall, etc.... Just something banal.

Another point where I think something can be developed is the inner monologue of the characters. Sometimes they seemed too much like Power Rangers to me, where you didn't see the fear and worry, but a kind of blind optimism going forward. Giving a little more humanity in extreme situations seems to be better. Especially because they are still teenagers.

In General
In general, it's a great story. You create a very exciting atmosphere in terms of the general plot and lead it into a good structure, which I like. The chapters are always self-narrating and mostly seem like little adventures in themselves. :D

Have fun writing!

Mailice




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!! And thank youu soo much in general for sticking with this story!!

There are two sequels planned and now that this last chapter is out of the green room, I'll start posting book 2



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Tue Dec 14, 2021 5:12 pm
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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey! Forever here with a review!

Time to celebrate that I have completed reading a novel on YWS and that you have completed publishing a novel on YWS. Anyway, let's get into the review.

They have finally escaped then and are free from all the fettering rules of the aliens. As for this part, again I missed the other characters. Harry is way too observational to be missing the other characters' reactions. Sometimes again I have started feeling that Kate and Ryan are being left as background characters although they are supposed to be main characters. I guess one of the primary reasons is the POV(We never get to see from their POV). Maybe in the next book we will be able to. No one knows, except you.

So, this story has kind of followed the Freytag's pyramid and I quite enjoyed reading all the ups and downs of the journey to the outer world. The end truly lacks all sorts of action and exciting events. I do wish if there could be something in the end but that's not at all necessary. It was just the sudden fall of action that bothered me a bit.

Coming back to this part, I was a bit confused or rather surprised when I read about the mountain. We have seen a lot of Aria's presence of mind, quick decisions. However, I think that that was a bit too sudden to me. I don't really think it was preplanned that they will climb up a mountain and then stop. So, I guess you can actually slow the pace of that part a bit and make it more gradual. And also I am terribly interested to know how they are going to climb the mountain without any sorr of training. And wait, did they eat? This has been bothering me since a long time. Their will has definitely made them superhumans that they are alive after such a long time without any food and were fighting and running and doing all sorts of works which need energy and now they are again running. Maybe I missed the eating part. I have done some doctorate at missing important things. I loved how the ending was. It radiated the sense of euphoria that Harry and the others had in themselves. And hereupon we finish this story which marks the end of a journey while starting another one.

Alien Times Newspaper



The first successful escape of humans from the camp
Dear Aliens,
Circulate the news as much as possible that a group of five humans have escaped and they are children. If anyone finds them or suspects their presence, they should let the troops know as soon as possible.

Apparently, the newspaper is not a good one.
Keep Writing!!

~Forever




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!! :D And especially thank you for staying with this through the whole novel!!





You are welcome!! :D



KateHardy says...


:D




In the past I would definitely say who you would find inside. Not so much today. Place is bonkers …. As is everywhere
— Greg Specter