z

Young Writers Society


12+

Survival: The Escape, Chapter 22.5

by KateHardy


And then it finally happened. She saw several aliens hurrying towards one transport, carrying a multiple crates across to it. She could make out some sort of small table thing being pushed towards it by one alien. Another alien held some kind of device connected by a tube to the table contraption. Some sort of refueling station. She could two aliens, dressed in something that looked different to everyone else walking towards the transport purposefully. 

It looked like one of the transports was about to head out of there. It was the third one in the row directly opposite them. It was time to get going.

She gestured towards the window, and let everyone quickly take a peak, as she began to think of a plan to get in and out of the transport at the right time. The trick was going to be figuring out if that door could actually be opened after they were inside. There was no time for her to think too much further on that problem however, because soon everyone had gotten a look at the transport they needed to aim for and they were out of the transport and headed across the warehouse. For better or for worse this was going to be it. Please let this go well.

The first leg of the journey was relatively easy. They’d already covered that part once after all. A few more jumps across the gap later they were back in front of the door that they had come through, looking towards the far right of the warehouse, where the biggest obstacle in their path lay. Two empty slots, which meant the gap that they had to get across with no cover was absurdly large. This is it.

There was no time for them to think about it for too long. They had to get on this transport and get moving or they wouldn’t be making it out of this place alive. If we can't get out on this it might be too early in the morning for us to escape off it unseen. I have to somehow get everyone through this. One last leap of faith.

And so, hoping against hope that the aliens were distracted enough by the process of getting the vehicle ready to leave, they peeked around the corner of the final transport in the back row. There were a couple of aliens milling about but their eyes were all currently on the refueling station. Aria went first as always. 

It felt like she could be gunned down any minute, but she forced herself to keep her eyes rooted to her destination and didn’t stop till she was safely behind the correct transport. They had timed it well enough that the aliens loading the transport were no longer there. And thankfully, the doors were also still open. That meant that there were probably more aliens with boxes headed that way. On the bright side however, it meant they could still actually get in.

She began to inch her way towards the door even as Ryan ran across, followed by Daisy. Come one half of us through. Don't look this way. Don't look this way. With that declaration, she jumped and then before long she was clambering inside the transport. Thankfully, the fuel pump and general chatter was making enough noise that she could get away with the light clang from the jump. She helped Ryan jump in next and waited for Daisy to make the jump. 

Behind them, Kate had also made it across the large gap. It was only Harry left. And then Daisy was beside her, diving into the crates to hide as Ryan did the same. Harry made it across the gab and Aria allowed herself to relax just a tiny bit more. Safe. Safe. Now we just need to leave. 

Kate was soon in and then her brother, sporting a very large smile was also on board. The two siblings scrambled for cover behind the nearest crates even as they began to hear someone approaching the back of the transport. They’d made it in the nick of time. Aria let out a quiet sight of relief.

They didn’t dare to breathe as two aliens carrying crates came into view. The crates were quickly tossed in. It looked like they were in some sort of hurry because they didn’t even jump in to organize the crates; they were left in the spots they landed in. The doors were quickly slammed shut and Aria immediately moved towards it. She quickly brought out the stick she’d been carrying since the forest. She had to somehow crack the doors open and wedge the stick in it so that it couldn’t be locked. She made sure to stay low, just in case the drivers up front looked through the window that opened into the cargo area. This better work. I have no idea how Mom and the others missed this.There was nothing on the plan about the getting out of the transport.

A jolt spread through the area and Aria nearly fell flat on her face, catching herself on her hands at the last second.. It looked like they were starting to move. She could hear the revving of an engine. And then she could feel the transport move. Aria listened carefully to see someone move to lock the latch shut. To her surprise there was no sound. Either they had forgotten or the latch wouldn’t be locked till later. Maybe they just don't lock them at all. Its not like they have anyone trying to steal from them usually. But what if they look it at the outer wall gate?

These thoughts crowding her mind, Aria settled back as the transport turned and then began to roll out slowly. As it began to pick up speed Aria settled down back into a hiding spot. This one allowed her to see the side window so she could keep an eye on where they were going. Soon, the transport began to pick up speed. With any luck, they would soon be speeding through the door of the outer wall. If they stopped, Aria was ready to do what was necessary.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
659 Reviews


Points: 82352
Reviews: 659

Donate
Sun Dec 26, 2021 10:24 am
View Likes
RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey Harry!

RandomTalks back from vacation and here with a review for you!

So this part had a lot more going on compared to the rest of the parts in this chapter. On one hand, it was an intense end to the chapter, with so much hanging in the balance. But on the other hand, I felt like too much was happening without much effect. I was on the edge of my seat at all times of course, but because we are at a point where we know for sure that they are going to make it, perhaps you can make it more interesting read by creating a better atmosphere using their thoughts and feelings. Mostly, we are running through the scenes. And sometimes, that makes it a little difficult to actually understand what is going on. And even if we have a question in our mind, it gets quickly forgotten as something else has already happened by then, and our initial question gets replaced by a new one and so on. Maybe add more descriptions, and show us what is going on instead of directly telling us.

I think you can remedy thus problem, by focusing a bit more on the characters. Like I said, we are at the point where we know that they are going to succeed in their escape. So it takes away a little of that thrill that was always present before. You can replace that thrill with deeper reactions from your characters though. It adds a more freshness to the story, it adds the human emotions that bring it alive. So even there is no reason to be afraid for them, we still hang on to our seats and hold our breaths because we know exactly what is going on in our character's minds and more than anything we feel for them and just want them to be okay.

Otherwise, this was a solid chapter. A little rushed at certain parts, but still an interesting read. There were a few typos here and there that interrupted the flow a little. This part was also a little lengthier than your usual parts, and so the typos are understandable I guess.

Come one half of us through.

I did not really understand this sentence?

I hope to start on the last chapter today!

Keep writing and have a great day!




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!! :D

Sorry for the late reply



User avatar
701 Reviews


Points: 49988
Reviews: 701

Donate
Sat Dec 11, 2021 3:12 am
View Likes
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey! Forever here with a review!!

This part was a great part. I liked the overall pace of this part and how it didn't feel as rushed as the other ones. After some relaxed parts, we got another exciting one. The transport system of the aliens is quite interesting. I am a bit interested to take a pick at the driver's seat but I don't think that is going to happen.

Anyway, I like how the importance of the characters have changed. At first, Harry was the most important character but now, Aria seems to be the most important. I sometime feel sad for Daisy. Though being a very talented person, she rarely gets the opportunity to shine.

And now to the plot. So they have boarded the transport and will reach the place very soon. The teeny tiny moments of tension were definitely something to intrigue the readers. I hope they can make it within time. By the way, how fast does an alien transport move? And have they ever been in a transport before? Maybe a human one? If no, then it's their first transport. Very interesting.

Okay now the cliffhanger. What is Aria really planning to do? Something terrible and dangerous? Oh wait, they still have their guns, right? Then they can potentially shoot the driver. Not very safe, though. It's a bit troubling that the team didn't tell them about it, maybe they too couldn't know. One chapter left!

Keep Writing!!

~Forever




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!! :D



User avatar
1232 Reviews


Points: 0
Reviews: 1232

Donate
Thu Dec 09, 2021 1:24 pm
View Likes
MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Harry,

Mailice here with a last short review to end the chapter! :D

That was a very interesting chapter. It had ups and downs and yet it gave us as readers some very strong points to keep reading. Above all, what is a great and at the same time developable point in this chapter was your attempt to show this chapter completely without dialogue. It made it seem as if we were silently following a scene from a film that lasted only a few minutes. This gave the whole story a different vibe than before, as if the characters had lost their speech.

At the same time, I found that it made a lot of things seem a bit stretched out and the story got to a point where I had to gasp at times because I thought that nothing was really happening again. It was always like a volcano that had some minor eruptions to scare the inhabitants there, but never a real eruption. The climax in the last part did lead to at least the residents having to flee from the volcano, but in the end we were as smart as before.

What was the volcano thinking? Or here related to the story; what were the characters thinking. I know we have a plan and it was more or less discussed, mended and improvised, but that also gave this feeling that I didn't really care about the characters. Because so much went on in silence, because so many moments were left in silence, at times I didn't really care if Aria got a bullet in the head or if Ryan bit off an arm because he was hungry, etc.... :D It is always important to create a connection between the characters and the reader.

Nevertheless, it was a good chapter. I liked your attempt to use a new method and you did the best that could be done. Kudos for that! :D And we finally reach the last chapter too! It's about time, after it takes me three hours to scroll all the way down to read the next part. xD

Have fun writing!

Mailice




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

Hmm, yeah kind of shot myself in the foot a little while making it so that it was too dangerous to speak but it seemed the only realistic way...guess that's something to improve on in the next draft.

And yes...three more parts remain in the last chapter and then this will be done! sort of...book two is on its way




Poetry lies its way to the truth.
— John Ciardi