Young Writers Society

Hey! Forever here with a review!!

Things definitely made some progress here in terms of both structure and the story, especially with the inclusion of the dialogues. However, I will stick to my description point. I will not elaborate much but it's still required. For example, where you talked about the vehicles, I had a sudden urge to know what vehicles they exactly were. As we have never seen alien vehicles, I was quite excited to know about those.

Though it'a not the most important question, I am a bit curious to know if the aliens stole things. Most probably, they don't do it as I can understand from the story. If that's the case, they will actually need quite some time to understand if the humans indeed steal things. They will be shocked. It would be fun to see. And if the aliens did steal, obviously they will not have the humans in suspect. Hm.. good thing, that is.

Okay, I did get a sense of foreshadowing where Aria told about the splitting up. However, I hope that it doesn't happen that they split up. It will be a difficult situation, both for the characters and the readers. The readers might not get to see a few characters because of the POV. Let's see what happens tho, hopefully not something bad.

Honestly, I didn't have the idea that the transport was located within the city and that the drone has succweded at capturing pretty much the whole city. That's actually quite interesting how the drone has done that without being noticed by the aliens. And at the same time, it's even more interesting how the team is doing that. Okay, so the paths are definitely a bit complicated. I always think that the escape is over but it continues further. Now, if I am not wrong, they need to go to the second road. I am quite excited to go through the third road tho.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever

Hey Harry!

Randomtalks here with a short review!

This part picked up from right where we had left off the previous day, and yet at the same time it creates a totally different atmosphere for the reader even though the environment is still the same. I think a lot of that has to do with the inclusion of dialogue in this part. Because we don't know anything about these newly introduced territories, just hearing the characters speak or explain in words brings in a familiarity that instantly eases us back into the flow of the story.

I really enjoyed reading Aria step up again. She is back in leader mode and it has always been a pleasure to see her take charge. I think that Aria and Harry are both like their mother in different traits. Harry shares his mother's unrelenting optimism and sense of adventure, while Aria has her skills in leadership and her quick-thinking. Of course, they might be like their father too, but we have hardly got the opportunity to know him in this book. I do feel like the others could have had some dialogue as well, because they seemed to remain rather numb during Aria's explanations, like an obedient class of children, which they are absolutely not. Especially Harry, whom I had totally expected to crack some lame joke or the other by now, to make everyone smile.

This part also has a better portrayal of the narrator's emotions, which in this case, is Daisy. This time, we actually get to hear her thoughts and feelings, and not just a narration of what is going on. I think the reason the previous part felt a little bleak to me was because it stood as a single part. I have no doubt that if the entire thing was posted as an entire chapter, I would have rather enjoyed reading all the set-up before we focus back on the characters.

Now, I had really thought that they were done with the escape this time. This new introduction of the outer wall refutes that though, and I understand their lack of excitement in the previous part. Opposed to what I had thought, they still have a little ways to go, and I am sure you will whip up some brand new problems for them to go through first.

A tiny nitpick:

let’s keep write on moving,

Hi Harry,

Mailice back with a short review!

We see Aria in action again and her drive and leadership talent convince me more and more that she will eventually become a very special woman who will hold a high position.

I like how this part feels like a good continuation from the last part, and you get this feeling that this "minimalist style" I mentioned is like a quick glimpse from a film where you briefly see the protagonists walk on and then briefly the camera comes to a close-up where we can listen a bit to what the characters have to say.

On the other hand, I also notice that we don't get to hear very much from the characters here, except that they are perhaps mentioned by name or just nod briefly in agreement. I find that a bit of a shame, especially when I wonder what's going on in their heads. What are they thinking right now? How do they feel here in this "foreign" world? In general, I thought you portrayed this a little better in the previous chapter.

Here it seemed - especially in this part - as if they had suddenly turned to stone and were just blindly carrying out their orders. I think if you just briefly give a thought process at least for Daisy - since it's her POV - (that doesn't just involve how others can memorise a map and she can't), it would already help a lot to insert an authenticity here.

One thing I have to say here, that is actually two times in the part here:

” said Aria.