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Young Writers Society


12+

Survival: The Escape, Chapter 17.2

by KateHardy


Harry waited till he was sure the others had all gone ahead of him and took up the rear, gun held tightly against his shoulder. He double checked the stock to make sure it had the extra charges that were supposed to be there. The ALR -16 which stood for Automatic Laser Rifle model of 2116 was an energy based weapon, and while it didn't have the usual hassle that bullets had, it needed to be recharged every one hundred shots. Luckily all three possible slots were filled, loaded and ready to go. Whoever had made this storage space had probably intended these weapons to be seeing action rather soon.

They silently made their way into the room. Judging from the smell, the alien that had been shot with the rifle was close by, which meant the remaining guards were also probably nearby unless they’d set an ambush somewhere along the corridor.

They moved slowly through the room, Aria sticking close to the wall. After all the yelling, screaming and gunfire it was an eerie silence, adding to the atmosphere of the now totally dark room. In the gunfire, the remaining bit of light had also ended up being hit. It was unsettling, even to Harry who was usually at home in the dark. Only years of wondering allowed him to set one foot in front of the other with confidence.

After some very careful walking, Harry felt them go through the first doorway and into the next room. That meant either they were clear from the aliens which would be good or the aliens had gone further back to set an ambush. That was the possibility that they had to be very careful about.

They passed through two more rooms without incident, moving quietly and carefully through the rooms, maintaining a respectable pace. Harry hoped that the location they were currently in would show up on the makeshift tracking system that Mr. Summers and a few others had managed to whip up. Harry had no idea how the sliding doors that led to their escape route had been locked, but he knew this rifle could bust through. If they ever got that far they'd need Mr. Summers and the others to leave that main door unlocked. This gun was probably not making it through whatever that door was made of.

A small thud echoed through the room. It was from right next to them. There was a bright flash of orange and suddenly they were in the middle of a hail of gunfire.

“Get down,” yelled Aria.

Harry scrambled to the side. He could feel a sting in his chest. Something had managed to graze him and he could feel it burning. Harry felt his heart skip several beats. A bullet had actually managed to graze him. If it had hit him any harder, the plasma inside would've been released and he'd have been history. He fought to keep those thoughts from invading him mind and gritted his teeth as the pain was quickly numbed. His adrenaline was thankfully doing what it was meant to be doing. He backed up a few steps, taking stock of the situation.

In the near perfect darkness, he couldn’t locate anyone and saying anything out loud would be essentially suicide. He took one arm off his weapon, keeping it braced against his shoulder with the other, finger on the trigger. Holding out his newly freed arm, he took a few cautious steps forward, hoping to run into someone or at least a wall.

Eventually his hand bumped into something hard. Wall. He ran a palm along it to confirm it wasn’t one of the crates. It was definitely brick. It had to be the wall. He moved sideways until he was leaning against the wall, putting both hands back on the assault rifle.

With that position secure, he began to move forward slowly, straining his eyes in the hope of catching some kind of movement. Then out of nowhere something ran straight into him, pinning him against the wall.


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Sat Nov 13, 2021 9:45 am
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Harry,

Mailice back with a short review! :D

I like how the tone moves on here and the story bridges a good distance with it. It doesn't feel repetitive or exhausting, but refreshing and good. Especially because you've also put more focus on the plot here, - ironically - the emotions that weren't directly present in the previous part come through better.

What I liked at the beginning was the amount of information we got about the weapon. I can well imagine that Harry researched such information during breaks or hours of free time and was just waiting for such a moment to see the theory in practice.

The pace takes a good uphill climb here, but I still find that nothing seems rushed, but continues to be well thought out and structured. I like that so far in this chapter.

Some points I noticed while reading:

After all the yelling, screaming and gunfire it was an eerie silence, adding to the atmosphere of the now totally dark room.

Such small pieces of information are necessary to give the characters a believable vein. If this is missing, there is always the feeling that you as a reader cannot directly put yourself in their shoes.

Harry hoped that the location they were currently in would show up on the makeshift tracking system that Mr. Summers and a few others had managed to whip up. Harry had no idea how the sliding doors that led to their escape route had been locked, but he knew this rifle could bust through. If they ever got that far they'd need Mr. Summers and the others to leave that main door unlocked. This gun was probably not making it through whatever that door was made of.

I find this section - in contrast to the first section in this part - a bit oddly designed and slows down the pace a bit here. I wouldn't even say that it's necessary to remove that in any way, but rather just to show it as a kind of mental structure, so that you can see inside Harry's head a little bit.

Have fun writing!

Mailice




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!! :D



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Tue Nov 09, 2021 7:55 pm
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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey Harry!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

Wow. Just when we were given a little glimpse of hope, things blew straight to hell. I get that they have to go through all this, and its all about the escape. But I personally will never forgive you if you end up killing any of the characters.

This was another extremely exciting read. I love how you always give us a false sense of security at the beginning of every part, only to crush it by the end of the part. You do a fantastic job of building up the tension till that breaking point where everything goes wrong and all at once. When I started reading this part, I thought that the advantage was on their side this time considering that they are now armed. Besides they have killed three aliens, and that is bound to build some confidence despite the added moral and emotional turmoil.

For the first time I understood the importance of the tracking system. But if it had been on this whole time, why hadn't they come to rescue them yet? They should have known something was wrong the moment that loud alarm system went on that moment when they took off. Even a small distraction could have taken some of the spotlight off them, and they could have made their escape. I guess we will get to hear from Mr. Summers soon enough and learn their side of the story as well. Until then, we will have to be patient.

It is a little difficult to guess what happens in your story near the endings. I thought Harry would find the door and get out, in fact I was sure he had almost found it. But of course, you had to end with that cliffhanger. Like Forever said, I would have gone insane if this was anyone else's story. From the way it ended, I am going to guess that it wasn't a friend who pinned Harry to the wall. I guess I will have to wait and find out.

That's all!

Keep writing and have a great day!




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!! :D



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Tue Nov 09, 2021 5:14 pm
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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey!! Forever here with a review!

Relax. I am never going to catch up. Pretty sure about that. Anyway, to the review. Well, so we have some history here. Okay so this is quite interesting how children are taught about guns and specifically guns which were never used. I was pretty surprised to know that the guns were in perfect working conditions. The year is 2218, if I am not wrong. So, 102 years. That is a looooong period of time! That definitely shows how the quality of things improved from the present time. Or maybe the aliens used them somehow or at least did things with them. Haha, might have to time travel and go to future to see it.

Again we are back to the depressing tone. This part is rather depressing if we put it beside the first part of this chapter. I like the fact how the darkness speaks of a lot of things and a lot of emotions for all the three characters. The change in the meaning of the darkness is really a good element that you have used in the story. Now, the good thing is when even they can't see anything, the aliens will surely not be able to see anything. A great advantage of humans over the aliens.

Hm..I too hope so that the humanity would be able to track their location and make plans to help them out. Team work! Well, now I do think that if they escape, they will be in more danger. The outside, to me appears to be even more dangerous than the inside. Inside, they at least can have the minimum support of humanity and outside, total no. Though they are not getting it now, they can get it. The weapons actually make me think that they can only survive by defeating the aliens or something like that. I can't really help but think that they can't really escape.

I actually thought that something had happened to Harry when I read about the sting. He managed to compose himself so fast. That's really praiseworthy. No one seems to have noticed that though. They are doing so many thingd in the complete darkness.

O dear something. I don't understand why the word 'something' always makes me laugh. Anyway, that is not the concern now. Something has run into him and now he has to protect himself. That's final. I just hope he has his hand free and can shoot before something does the same. Or maybe what if someone else shoots the alien? That would be interesting. Like imagine Harry yelling and one alien shooting in the direction and that bullet hits the alien who has pinned Harry against the wall. That was quite a cliffhanger there. Cliffhangers are to be hated when it comes to someone else's story(One part a day) and they are to be loved when it comes to your own story

Keep Writing!!

~Forever




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!! :D

Also...xD that last line is so true!!




When she transformed into a butterfly, the caterpillars spoke not of her beauty, but of her weirdness. They wanted her to change back into what she always had been. But she had wings.
— Dean Jackson