Hi Harry,
Mailice back with a short review!
I like how the tone moves on here and the story bridges a good distance with it. It doesn't feel repetitive or exhausting, but refreshing and good. Especially because you've also put more focus on the plot here, - ironically - the emotions that weren't directly present in the previous part come through better.
What I liked at the beginning was the amount of information we got about the weapon. I can well imagine that Harry researched such information during breaks or hours of free time and was just waiting for such a moment to see the theory in practice.
The pace takes a good uphill climb here, but I still find that nothing seems rushed, but continues to be well thought out and structured. I like that so far in this chapter.
Some points I noticed while reading:
After all the yelling, screaming and gunfire it was an eerie silence, adding to the atmosphere of the now totally dark room.
Such small pieces of information are necessary to give the characters a believable vein. If this is missing, there is always the feeling that you as a reader cannot directly put yourself in their shoes.
Harry hoped that the location they were currently in would show up on the makeshift tracking system that Mr. Summers and a few others had managed to whip up. Harry had no idea how the sliding doors that led to their escape route had been locked, but he knew this rifle could bust through. If they ever got that far they'd need Mr. Summers and the others to leave that main door unlocked. This gun was probably not making it through whatever that door was made of.
I find this section - in contrast to the first section in this part - a bit oddly designed and slows down the pace a bit here. I wouldn't even say that it's necessary to remove that in any way, but rather just to show it as a kind of mental structure, so that you can see inside Harry's head a little bit.
Have fun writing!
Mailice
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Reviews: 1232
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