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Young Writers Society


12+

Survival: The Escape, Chapter 16.1

by KateHardy


Chapter 16

We Play Hide and Seek with Death

[Daisy]

“Let’s move,” said Aria, “time’s up.” Daisy nodded. She was far from ready to be running again but at least she wasn’t gasping for breath anymore. And most importantly, they really could not afford to wait round. Helping Kate to her feet, Daisy started after Aria, the boys behind them. 

Kate’s face was flushed pink from exertion and she was still out of breath. Daisy had discovered a whole new level of respect for the girl from the past few minutes. At first glance, it had looked like she’d crack under the pressure but despite the fact that she was clearly very far out of her comfort zone, she hadn’t complained and kept pushing on, even though she looked like she was barely able to put one foot in front of the other by the end of that extended running session.

The two of them jogged to keep up with Aria’s rapid walk as they descended down into who knows where. The slope downwards was getting noticeably steeper the further they went and if it got any worse they could probably use it as a slide. Daisy laughed at the thought. Harry would definitely be down for that. Although he was probably the only one that would go along with an idea as crazy as that.

“What are…you…you laughing at?” whispered Kate, in between breaths.

“Hey, try not to talk too much,” said Daisy, before realizing how that must have sounded. “Sorry if I came off as rude, but talking can make it take longer for your breathing to become normal again. Oh and I was just imagining something. Don’t worry about it.”

Kate simply smiled in reply. She flashed her a quick thumbs up which hopefully meant that she had accepted the explanation and was not mad. Daisy winked in return.

The rest of their trek passed in near complete silence, without just the occasional grunt to break it up. As they’d continued along, Daisy could feel the smooth metal walls around change to rougher brick. It was a weird feeling on her hand, having never felt anything besides smooth metal on a wall but it wasn’t an unfamiliar one. She’d been down to the museum several times and run her hands along the ancient section of brick wall on display. The brick surrounding them at the moment felt a little more organized that the artefact, with no signs of chipping and a smooth almost machine like finish. She assumed this was probably the Carpathians imitating the human techniques, either that or the sample they had in the museum was an older less machined variety.

As they continued even further down, she had her answer with the brick turning to the rougher finish that she remembered from the museum. That was definitely man made. Confirming that theory were the occasional bumps that her hand passed over. They felt like smooth glass, and they were hot to the touch. It was almost certainly old fashioned human lighting.

“Well, that’s interesting,” said Aria, breaking her from her thoughts.

Daisy looked to see what they had come to a stop in front of. It was a set of double doors, made of what looked to almost be wood, although Daisy couldn't be sure with the darkness surrounding them, the old lights set into the wall not being lit up. Daisy figured she should be happy about that. It meant the aliens didn't expect them to have come down here.

“Do you know those are human-made walls?” asked Kate.

“I figured," said Daisy, "I've seen things like this before in the museum."

“Ahh, awesome, these are pretty amazing,” said Kate, “I wish those old lights were on too, they have such a nice cool feel to them. The lighting the Carpathians use are just horribly depressing compared to that.”

“Hmm, so you think that maybe we're at some old human hideout?” asked Daisy.

“Or they just forced humans to build it,” said Aria, probably having overheard the conversation,“not trying to spoil the mood, but that is more logical.”

“So is that door locked?” asked Harry, moving in from behind. Letting the change of subject slide, Daisy took a step back as the siblings moved to inspect the door.

“I didn’t quite get around to trying the lock yet,” said Aria, “why don’t you do the honors?”

Harry stepped forward and gave the door a gentle push. As he did that, a large shriek filled the air. Daisy turned. A faint white light was visible off in the distance. Something was coming down after them.

“Guess they checked that hallway after all,” said Aria.

“Well that's the bad news, but the good news is: the door’s unlocked,” yelled Harry as the large wooden doors swung open, the clicking of old machinery barely audible over the sound of scraping claws starting to fill the air.

“RUN,” yelled Aria, “hopefully there’s some place to hide down there.”


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Sat Nov 06, 2021 10:03 am
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Harry,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

This part was very interesting. Not only because of the information we got, but also because of Daisy's behaviour. Now that we have already seen Aria shine, we can already see here that the naive and sometimes somewhat helpless Daisy definitely has more to show than was initially shown.

A development I'm not yet directly satisfied with, because it makes me a little bit wonder if it won't continue to be told something from Aria's POV. We don't particularly notice where her fear has remained, as it once did, and the knowledge that we are given through the narrative voice comes across as if there is a rapid development of character here. On the one hand, I welcome such developments, but I find that it was barely hinted at and that this came more or less out of the blue, the way Daisy behaves here.

It's just something that kind of runs through the whole chapter. On the one hand, it's great that after Aria we now also see Daisy shining, but it generally feels very repetitive and incomprehensible, as the two of them let themselves be changed by various influences instead of growing together at their own point.

I do like, however, that Kate's opinion has changed a little and that the storytelling in this part was very well constructed. Apart from the dialogue, which I liked, I especially liked the calm voice in which we got the information before the next storm with this short cliffhanger.

Have fun writing!

Mailice




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!! :D



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Tue Nov 02, 2021 3:22 pm
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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey! Forever here with a tiny review!!

That was an interesting turn of events. I did reckon that the place could be a human settlement or human made and the chapter seems to kind of confirm the theory.Well, we are still not very sure but that can be a thing if Aria's theory isn't true. I just wonder how Kate was so sure that the walls were human made. I mean the way she told it, I thought she knew ore things about the tunnel but seems she doesn't. Only if the humans could somehow teach them about the tunnel in the school.

Next, why did Daisy think that Kate was out of her comfort zone? If Kate was out of her comfort zone, they too were out of their comfort zone. I just need a bit of clarification on the topic. Like Kate and Samantha constructed a whole tunnel from what I can recall. That is quite an exhaustive task, I guess or did they just help in constructing and did no physical work on their own? Perhaps.

This part was quite funny. I really liked the calm tone that they talked in after even knowing that the aliens were coming after them. I don't know what the reason exactly is but I guess they were very exhausted and that was the reason their brains took sometime to process the thought that the alliens were following. Harry definitely has some extraordinary powers. Aria could do anything and Harry's one gentle push did the miracle.

Okay, I don't reckon the aliens will seriously go into the tunnel. They might wander around the tunnel in that room but not go inside it. The darkness. Let's see what happens next.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

Oh yeah...Kate's out of her comfort zone because she usually manages tech related things and helps with designing. She isn't part of the groups that have to do more physical labor. :D



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Mon Nov 01, 2021 5:37 pm
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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey Harry!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

This was a good continuation of the story. The plot moves along fairly well, and of course we wait until the very end of the part to watch something go very wrong.


It occurred to me only now that Kate is not used to running for her life like the three of our protagonists. In fact she is not used to any kind of physical labor considering that her job is mostly confined to technological tasks. I had the impression earlier that she is some kind of a computer genius. So this must be way out of her comfort zone. I liked how you used this to establish a kind of kinship and understanding between her and Daisy. The interactions between them have been mostly very formal until now, and this one, though it was based on dire circumstances, was a welcome change.

It would be good if you include Ryan too in some of these interactions. Sometimes I feel like we know nothing about him except that he lives on the other side of the camp and has a rather large physique. He is always there at the back corner of the team, but we don't get to hear from him much. Considering that you have a series planned with these characters, I think you should establish their personalities first, so that it becomes easier for the readers to care about these new characters as well in addition to our already established trio.

I was also a little curios about the repeated mention of the museum. I was wondering why the aliens would build a museum in their camp, especially as I mostly view them as a source of entertainment and preservation of cultures and history. I am sure they did not do it out of the goodness of their heart (assuming they have one), thinking that the humans might get bored during their eternal imprisonment under them. I wonder what they stored in that museum.

Now, the ending was curios. It seems that Aria was wrong and they decided to check the forbidden hallway anyways. Besides, I am sure that the door they broke open completely gave them away. Well, luckily this one is not locked. So let's see where this corridor leads to.

That's all!

Keep writing and have a great day!




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

Yeah...Ryan doesn't quite get his moment just yet. I do need to make fix that in a later draft :D Oh the museum is kind of the aliens having sort of a trophy room, sort of rubbing things in humans' faces a little, but the humans have turned it to their advantage. :D




I like to create sympathy for my characters, then set the monsters loose.
— Stephen King