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Young Writers Society


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Survival: The Escape, Chapter 15.2

by KateHardy


Aria still couldn’t fully wrap her head around the fact that they were actually executing the plan today. She had no idea if they'd succeed. What was certain was that they were either getting out, getting jailed for the rest of their life or in the worst case scenario, they'd be killed. As much as she still didn't believe the plan would go without a hitch, she didn't want that third scenario either.

Aria set down the torch she was holding. This section was just never going to be cut. If she continued any longer with her heart racing and her palms sweating, she was just going to end up hurting herself and that’s the last thing she wanted at the moment. She looked towards Daisy and Harry. They’d already given up just like her and were working on very slowly packing away the tools. Smiling to herself at the two of them being as predictable as they always were in these situations, she decided to join them in packing away.

“You two gave up already?” asked Aria as she walked over to them.

“Look who's talking,” said Harry.

“Hey, I lasted longer than you two,” said Aria.

“She has a point,” said Daisy.

Harry pouted. “Whose side are you on?””

“The side of the truth,” said Daisy.

“Oh really,” said Harry, frowning, “Okay then.”

“Heh, you know I am always…” began Daisy. Aria rolled her eyes.

“Children, break it up,” she said, “today is not the day to waste an hour arguing.” That sobered them both up quickly.

“It is, isn’t it?” said Harry.

“It should all go well,” said Daisy, “everything has been awesome so far.”

“Yeah, it's almost too perfect,” said Harry. He shook his head. “Argh, no point in overthinking this, why don’t we finish packing these away and get going already?”

“I’m sure it will be fine Harry,” said Daisy, giving his shoulder a squeeze.

“Well…” began Aria, before deciding not to go through with that remark. "Let’s all just be extra careful.”

“Yeah, come on, let’s do this,” said Harry, raising his hands and giving a tiny cheer before returning to packing things away, “we shouldn’t get late.”

“Agreed,” said Aria, “let’s move then.”

They spent the next few minutes packing away, still moving relatively slowly because they didn’t want to risk getting flagged for leaving early. Once they were done, the three of them sat down for a moment to watch the stars. Aria could barely focus on anything that night. 

Her mind was too cluttered with everything that could go wrong that night and the stars didn't have the same calming effect it usually did. Now the sky reminded her of the hundreds of thoughts fighting for dominance in her head. Chief among all of those thoughts was the fact that she was going to have to actually lead things tonight. She'd committed most of the map to memory and she knew what to do but she was also very much aware of how perfectly things had been going recently. She couldn't shake the feeling that they were due for some failure and it was all going to arrive today.

Aria gave up on trying to look at the stars and proceeded to just watch her two companions. They both looked a lot more confident than she felt and Harry seemed to actually be counting down the seconds as he waited there. She could at least be happy that he was getting to realize his lifelong dream.  Aria knew very well that if it wasn't for where they were sitting, he'd be doing a dance of joy. Then she remembered what could happen should things go wrong. She sighed. This was going to be a tough night.

“Let’s get moving then,” said Harry, suddenly, getting to his feet, “Time is up.”

Aria checked the time. Just about time. She slowly got to her feet. “I suppose it is.”

“Why the…?” began Daisy.

“Just a little tired,” said Aria, smiling at them. Dredging up a confidence she didn’t quite believe in, she made her way towards the sliding doors. They slid open smoothly. Taking a deep breath, she plunged into the darkness.

“Stay behind me till the hall, and then…”

“...I take the lead,” finished Harry, “I’m ready, let’s go.”

“Me too,” said Daisy. The two exchanged a quick high five. Aria turned to flash them a quick smile. As much as she was feeling the pressure, she could always count on those two to keep it light no matter what was going on in their heads. And then, they were off.

The trip to the Hall was quick. Daisy’s worries about the dark seemed to have been temporarily overridden by her excitement and she was moving with a lot more confidence than she usually did. Ironically, Aria herself was the jumpiest that day. Every patch of darkness made her feel like something was going to come out of it and catch them. She couldn’t shake the feeling that the aliens knew exactly what was going down that night.

Pushing her thoughts aside like she’d been doing all day, she trudged on until they finally arrived at The Hall. It wasn’t as empty as it usually was. Mrs. Kane, Mr. & Mrs. Danvers were all waiting for them. Mr. Kane had already said goodbye earlier as he was on duty that night. That had been one of the hardest things Aria had ever done. It looked like it wasn’t about to get any easier.

Daisy moved towards her parents. Harry ran over to Mrs. Kane. Aria stood at the back as the two of them said their goodbye’s. Daisy’s parents seemed to be taking it the hardest or at least they weren’t as good at Mrs. Kane at hiding their feelings. They were both tearing up worse than Daisy was. 

Aria's own eyes were getting a bit misty as she walked towards Harry and her mother who were still hugging each other tightly. As Aria walked closer her mother reached out and pulled her in along with Harry.

“I’m going to miss you both,” she whispered. Mrs. Kane was putting on a brave face but Aria sensed the crack in her voice. 

“Me too,” said Aria, her own voice not as steady as she would've liked. They stood there a few seconds, neither of them quite knowing what to say.

“Bring them all back safely,” said her mom finally. “I know you’ll do an amazing job.”

“I didn’t expect to ever utter this sentence but, I will do my best to get them out of here safely and to the portal,” said Aria.

“I know you will,” said her mom, pulling away to look at her face to face. “You were always an amazing leader.”

“Not as good as you,” said Aria. The two of them looked at each other for a long few seconds before he mother gave her one final nod, before pulling away from the two of them.

“Okay, that’s enough delaying,” said Mom, authority lacing her voice once again as she seemed to compose herself. “I think it’s about time now. Like I said the other day, have some hope and do what you do best.”

“I’ll try my best Mom,” said Aria, a tear finally making its way down her cheek as she tried not to choke up completely.

“Good Luck,” said Mrs. Kane, wiping the tear away gently, “I’ll see you soon.” With one final nod, Aria tore herself away from her mother’s eyes and joined Daisy. Harry came along soon after. The three of them turned for one final wave. Daisy's parents were trying to smile and Aria nodded to them as well, silently promising to return everyone safely. They'd never hold her responsible for anything but she knew in her heart as the appointed leader she was the one responsible for whatever happens. With that final though, the three of them turned towards the passage that would take them to the secret tunnel

“Let’s break out of an inescapable prison,” said Harry, smiling at the two of them, enthusiasm radiating off him in waves. Seconds ago he'd been crying, but now he looked like he'd already escaped. He then proceeded to laugh. “That sounded way more epic in my head.”

Daisy joined in and Aria smiled gratefully at both of them. They were the best team she could ask for, and from the little interaction she'd had with Kate and Ryan, she knew they were good people too. Maybe this was possible after all.

The three of them set off into the darkened hallways for hopefully their final time.


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Sat Oct 30, 2021 10:51 am
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Harry,

Mailice back with a short review! :D

I really like this part, it reminds me more of the end of a chapter than being in the middle of it now. You build up a tremendous amount of excitement here, which you can clearly feel in the dialogue. This seriousness develops further and even among the trio there can't be a quarrel so quickly. Now comes the point where they have to put their lives behind that of the greater goal.

I think this jump between characters and the development you've worked with from the beginning starts to show very well here the shapes you intended to show. It's like the development from child to adult. The characters are now facing a big door that they have to cross.

The part read well and I especially liked that you took the time here again to prepare a short goodbye and show it in a positive theatrical field of vision, as if this is an end and a beginning. As a little highlight in this part, I also like how despite the unknown that now stands before Harry and the others, the hope is still there, and that also gives me this feeling that there is still something unpredictable coming for them.

One other point I noticed while reading:

Aria still couldn’t fully wrap her head around the fact that they were actually executing the plan today. She had no idea if they'd succeed. What was certain was that they were either getting out, getting jailed for the rest of their life or in the worst case scenario, they'd be killed.

A great start in the next part. We are still following Aria´s train of thought and it helps in a good amount to sympathise with here. I really do enjoy seeing, that now we can see more of her character but also of her fear. Often we only get to see Daisy in this state, but here we have the same feelings in here. It gives a new vibe to the story and it feels like there is some sort of foreshadowing in it.


Have fun writing!

Mailice




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!! :D



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Thu Oct 28, 2021 5:02 pm
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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey! Forever here with a review!!

I really feel pity for Mr. Kane. Despite trying so hard, he hasn't succeeded at making a single appearance in this book till now and if I am not wrong, he will not be able to make any appearance. Ah, pretty sad. Let's hope for the other two. Hopefully, he will be able to appear. I just wonder why he is clearly being avoided in this book. It's actually not the best thing.

I am yet to get used to the tone of this chapter. It's so sad and depressing. In the positive side, it gives the readers a sudden change that id happening in tge environment besides giving the readers a hint that something unfortunate is going to happen(At least I think so). I don't know the atmosphere is becoming veryy melancholic. It sometimes feel like a badbye rather than a goodbye.

Anyway, at last we have got a glimpse of Mr. and Mrs. Danvers. I have been hoping to see them since an eternity. I liked how you managed to give us some characteristics of them in a very brief way but still I could kind of imagine them, though I saw them for the very first time. They will have a very hard time coping up only if... They actually manage to escape. Well, I didn't know about the existence of jail there. I do wonder if it's a normal one or something special... Rather more dangerous. We will see.

The teeny-tiny monents of happiness was a good touch to the part and also to Aria's mind. Obviously, Aria has the most responsibility on her. Leading a team is not a very easy thing. Anyway, this was a good part.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever




KateHardy says...


Thank you for the review!! :D

xD...*badbye"...that's well said there, sums this one up nicely :D



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Wed Oct 27, 2021 8:34 pm
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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey Harry!

RandomTalks here with a review!

I really liked the fact that you extended this part a little longer than the usual ones. The most difficult part other than the actual escape would have been saying goodbye, and it is not something you can cover within a few words. I am really glad that you took your time here and really explored those emotions instead of rushing through to get into the main plot of the story. The result was really beautiful, and I liked the feeling of closure and the beginning of a new adventure that I got in the end.

From the beginning, you have set up the atmosphere very well, introducing the stakes and giving us an idea of Aria's mental condition. The tension was right there in the air from the very beginning, and Aria's thoughts and the trio's actions gave us subtle clues about what was really going on in their heads. I could feel their nerves, their fear, their anticipation and of course, Harry's enthusiasm. You portrayed these feelings very well, and considering you don't usually delve into these things, I would say this made for a really wholesome read.

I do wish that we got to see the farewell with Mr. Kane as well. Considering that he is the father of Aria and Harry, we haven't got to see him much in the story, actually we haven't gotten to see him at all. It would be nice to see some of their interactions. If he had been estranged from the family, then his lack of presence in the story would have made sense. But we have repeatedly been told by Aria that he is there, but he is just busy. Its not a very big deal, but I would consider including him a bit more in the story. For example, until now I had been thinking in my mind that after they leave, Mrs. Kane will be all alone. I completely forgot to count her husband's presence in her life, and you really do not want your readers to forget about your characters, no matter how minor they are.

I also, liked the fact that no matter how tense or depressing the situation is, Harry and Daisy are always there to make light of things. Their simple banters uplift the mood and make us forget about the situation they are in for the moment. It is really important and useful as well, because Aria is always super stressed about some little thing or the other and these two will always be there to make sure she takes a brake every once in a while.

A few tiny nitpicks:

they weren’t as good at Mrs. Kane at hiding their feelings.

The first 'at' will be 'as'.

The two of them looked at each other for a long few seconds before he mother gave her one final nod, before pulling away from the two of them.

You use the word 'before' twice in the same sentence and it sounds a little repetitive. I would suggest rephrasing it some other way, so that you don't have to use the word twice. Also, the 'r' is missing in 'her'.

With that final though, the three of them turned towards the passage that would take them to the secret tunnel

The 't' is missing in 'thought' and there should be a full stop at the end of the sentence.

Seconds ago he'd been crying, but now he looked like he'd already escaped. He then proceeded to laugh. “That sounded way more epic in my head.”

I really liked this part. After such an emotionally heavy farewell, this was just the right kind of lightness we required to move on to the next phase.

Overall, this was a really good continuation and I enjoyed reading it.

Keep writing and have a great day!




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

Hmm...I think Mr. Kane, I have this extra plan because of book 2 and 3....so I kept him in the background as much as possible. I've been meaning to add him more for draft three though so he won't be this absent. :D




Attention is the beginning of devotion.
— Mary Oliver, Upstream