Hi Harry,
Mailice here with another short review!
This was another very nice part, we finally got to see more and more of Kate and I think she fits the group perfectly with her character and the bit of mystery she has. She has a certain charm that I think is attracted by the fact that she herself tries to build everything up a bit, and turn it into a kind of show to surprise not only her group, but also the reader.
I think it's very fitting for Harry, but also have the feeling that there's something more hidden there with Kate and we'll probably see one or two more surprises from her. The part here had a great build up, especially in the direction of mystery I thought this one stood out. It seems well constructed and it gives you the feeling that we are now in a kind of "valley".
One point I noticed while reading:
“Is she serious?” whispered Harry.
“How about we don’t try and find out,” said Daisy.
“You’re always the smarter one,” said Harry.
“Come on, we can’t lose them,” said Daisy, making sure to step on the tile that Kate had used, Harry right behind her.
Here you had already made a good start, but then it went back to the direction of "to say". If it's a curse that's taken you there, you have to say that and we'll try to break it. But actually I want to give more some examples here of how you could incorporate synonyms. It doesn't always have to be a "proper" synonym like "to ask" or "to cry", but you can also put some adjectives in there to better represent the feeling conveyed. For example, you could write it like this:
“Said Daisy with an anxious / fearful voice” - “teased Harry” / “said Harry in a sarcastic undertone” - “said Daisy, shocked / startled, etc..”
There are enough examples to get a good dynamic in and it doesn't always seem so repetitive. Think of it like the wrapper of your favourite biscuits. If the wrapper is a different colour but the contents are the same, it's still a kind of "new" taste because of the exterior. Besides, varied biscuits taste better than the same ones all the time.
Have fun writing!
Mailice
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