Hey Harry! It's mint, here for another review! ^^
This seemed like a slower-paced chapter-- I feel like some parts could've been shortened? More on that later. But it did answer the question of whether Safi really got the job or not. (Congrats, Safi!! =P) And now I'm very curious what exactly this agency does... >.> I'll have to hop to the next chapter right after this!
There was an indignant squeak by Vankous at that. Safi immediately took a step back, wondering what fury was about to be unleashed. Nothing happened. In fact, as she looked at everyone else in the room, they hadn’t even turned in his direction. Kate and Ray, she was still giddy about being able to use those names, Safi could understand, but Serafina was not taking it seriously either.
Ray, meanwhile, continued with his talk. “So, as I was saying there earlier.
I feel like the first paragraph here could be shortened to something like, "There was an indignant squeak by Vankous at that, but to Safi's surprise, no <insert Vankous style> fury was unleased. In fact, everyone else seemed to be taking it lightly." That also might help Ray not have to get the story back on track with the "So, as I was saying." ^^ Just a suggestion to help keep this going at a good pace! :]
“You did quite admirably in fact,” continued Ray, seemingly ignoring Safi’s change in mood and Serafina’s indifference. “There are three ways into the room. They are in fact used to begin a sort of preliminary sorting process to see what type of person you are.
Ooh!! So there were other ways! =D This is giving me Hogwarts Sorting Hat vibes, but with a secret-agent twist...
“Thank you for stealing my speech and ruining the fun.” Something about the way Kate said it made it sound like she was sincerely thankful.
Is Kate just not good at sarcasm, or is she actually thankful? >.>
“We have the brute force, sacrifice my hand for this job people, the ones who spot details that are literally invisible, and the ones who pick the simplest solution,”
I stand by my ideas of turning the handle with some kind of insulator or bribing the guy at the front desk. xD But I am curious what choosing the "simplest solution" will mean for Safi and Sera... Perhaps it means that they're a good mix of force and intellect? Will they be sent out into the field, maybe?
You don’t have to worry about what it might mean for you. That’s for us to worry about.”
This doesn't seem all that scary to me? Like, to me, it seems like Safi's basically been accepted already, and now they'll just analyze her strengths and weaknesses to see what kind of tasks she'd be best for. Maybe you could either add a line of more intimidating dialogue, or show the readers why this is scary through Safi's thought process?
I do love Vankous and Kate's reactions to Ray's admonishment, though. xD
“Whatever,” huffed Vankous, snapping his fingers. There was a brilliant purple light, so bright that Safi had to shield her eyes.
With that, Kate promptly walked into the nearest wall, and instead of a painful collision, she vanished straight into it.
Ahh these two are so cool. :3 I want superpowers too... ;-; Actually, on that note, are those abilities innate powers, or some kind of advanced tech? Will Safi be able to gain similar abilities? 0.0
I enjoyed reading more of the interactions between the trio and the new recruits! I'm already excited for whatever dynamic Safi and Kate will have in the future. xD Congrats to Safi again on her new job, and I'm looking forward to the next chapter! =D
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