Published June 25, 2011
We are all pieces of a shattered dream,
Each desperately seeking our reality.
The path is lonely, down this broken road,
Lost in the darkness, stumbling and cold.
We are all cursed by this desolate fate,
Looking at others through eyes filled with hate.
Out hearts are breaking, we don't let it show,
Inside we're crying, but nobody knows.
Is your face streaming with tears or the rain?
Your mask wears a smile, your hearts bleeds your pain.
You look in the mirror; what do you see?
Self-hate or anger? Sorrow and grief?
As we drown in our shadows, we feel so alone,
Search for the light, to guide us back home.
What is our purpose? Our hopes and our fears?
Follow your dreams before they disappear.
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138,969 Literary Works • 672,383 Reviews
Hello Katrina!
So I am still an avid fan of your poetry!
So, wow, it was very powerful and yet sad. You really right from the heart here. I also love the rhyming here, it works really well. Keep up the awesome work!
~Dakota Knight
Helloo again! XD
So just like your other pieces I like this one too! XD *clicks like*
I love the idea behind it and how you worked it out. Especially the ending is very good! You capture a lot of emotions in your work and that is a good thing!
A few little nitpicks:
'Out' should be 'our'.
Maybe write this sentence a little bit different? It just doesn't really work for me. I like the idea of the tears/rain but I suggest you write it a little bit different
Nice write! I really enjoyed reading this one too and I hope I helped a little.
-qaralynn-
I really liked it and the ideas that you had about following our dreams and being alone. I did have one question as I read it. You say that "we are all pieces of a shattered dream", what is that dream? The only other comment I have is the part where you say "what do you see? self hate or anger? Sorrow and grief?", I think you should change 'self hate or anger' to 'self hate and anger' because they are not opposite feelings and you can experience them at the same time, also because you use 'and' in between 'sorrow and grief' so it will flow better. Good job though!
Wow I really really like this poem. I can't really find anything to seriously critique, so I'm just going to say that I thoroughly enjoyed your message and your emotions. I can definitely relate. Your poem flows with ease and has a beautiful quality. The only thing is when you mention "Self-hate or anger? Sorrow and grief?" I would maybe switch the two conjunctions to be the same, so you have some sort of parallelism going on.
I really love your ending. As I've said before, I can really relate, especially right now.
Good job and keep writing!
<3 Sara.